My last column at OutSmart before the election will be entitled, “Why Are Fire Ant Better Than Ted Cruz.”  Help me get the juices flowing by making suggestions.

1.  Fire ants seem perfectly happy even if they haven’t taken away everybody’s health care.
2. When fire ants read Green Eggs and Ham to the United States senate, they generally understand the moral underpinnings of the book.
3. If you call a fire ant’s dad an assassin  and their wife ugly, they will not kiss your ass any longer.
4. In any contest between Ted Cruz and fire ants for having a sense of humor, fire ants win bigly.
5. Same deal with sexiness.
6. Fire ants embrace communal ownership of the means of production and reject the inherent oppression of capitalistic patriarchy.
7. Fire-ant bites go away after a few weeks.
8. Fire just bite you.  They won’t bite you and then call you names for scratching.
9. Somewhere someplace there is a fire ant that’s not a sumbitch. You will not find that on the Republican side of the senate.

Come on … help.

And don’t forget this.

Okay, so the latest Ted Cruz slam against Beto O’Rourke is that he rented a VFW Hall and asked them to take down the US flag.

This comes from that unimpeachable source of all things total crap, Erick Erickson, a man rushing to fill the void of dank oily darkness left by Alex Jones.

O’Rourke rented out a Veterans of Foreign Wars Hall in Navasota, TX to hold a campaign rally. According to VFW Post 4006 Commander Carl Dry, O’Rourke’s campaign insisted the VFW Hall take down its American flags.

That just didn’t happen.

Knowing Ted Cruz’s penchant for dirty tricks and silly games, I have no doubt some Republican kids are laughing their butts off right now at what they did.

Beto’s campaign answered —

Our campaign absolutely did not request that any flags be removed or taken down from the walls. It is incorrect to say that we did. We have hosted dozens of town halls in VFW posts across the state and always ensure that the flags are prominently and respectfully displayed. As a senior member of the House Veterans Affairs Committee, the Vice Ranking Member of the House Armed Services Committee, and the Congressman for one of the largest military communities in the country, Beto is proud to have our flag displayed at events.

Lord, Ted Cruz is goofy.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

This is from my local sheriff’s department this morning.

They forgot brandishing of firearms, Lone Star beer liter, general cranky behavior, and threats of selling your car right there on the spot and walking home.

UPDATED:  I am in Austin.  The response to the program to find Democratic voters who have moved but not moved their voter registration has far exceeded all expectations.

This is the afternoon crew getting envelopes stuffed – and there were people behind me, too.  We will have more folks this weekend and will run 18 hours a day to get it done.

We have decided to run the list we have of Democrats who have moved to Fort Bend from out of state.  We found 4,868 of them.  It will cost $1,558 to do it.  I’m working on it.

Remember when I asked you to donate to a method to find Democrats in Texas who have moved but have not re-registered at their new address?

Remember when I asked you to donate to help a non-profit at register2vote.org so they could mail pre-populated voter applications along with a pre-paid stamped envelope?

Well, it all worked better than expected because Democrats across Texas signed up for these programs.

So, Glen send me a shout-out.

HELP They are drowning in envelops. Register2Vote.org is stuffing tens of thousands of voter registration forms to new voters.

Friday and Sunday at AFL Building auditorium. 9 am to 9 pm on Friday and again on Sunday. PLEASE come help them!!

SIGN UP HERE: https://goo.gl/forms/EaM88XEyeswxRT8j2

The AFL building is located at 1106 Lavaca if you’re in Austin this weekend.

See ya there.  I’m on my way there this afternoon.

And yes, I’m still raising money for block walkers and phone bankers.  I really, really, really want Beto to win.

The Republicans gave us the unit measurement called  Scaramucci.  It means 9 or 10 days, the time Scaramucci served in the White House.

Y’all, I think we have a new one.

California Republican Congressfool Duncan Hunter has been charged with 60 counts of misuse of campaign funds.  There’s more to the story …

Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-Calif.) allegedly spent campaign cash on affairs with five separate individuals, according to prosecutors who reportedly claim to have photographic evidence.

So, now when we talk about how many times the family values people screw around, we will have the Duncan Measurement.  Like, “Well, he’s only half a Duncan right now but I think he’s shooting for a full Duncan.”

Thank you, Republicans.

God bless the judiciary Democrats – they have finally found their cajones.

Booker says he understands this act comes with the possibility he will be expelled from the Senate.

“How many times are you going to say the same thing?” Says Grassley, nastily.

“Running for president is no excuse for releasing confidential documents,” says Cornyn emphatically.

Thank for reminding us that most of the country does not even know who you are, Cornyn, because you’re not terribly bright.

I am glued to the hearing, y’all.  I’ll update if anything important happens.

Hey, if you’re in Texas and want to thank Cory Booker in person, come join me and a bunch of friends to shake his hand and raise money for Texas Democrats this Saturday night.