Y’all, do not worry about Florence. Pat Robertson fixed it.

He tossed a Shield of Protection – a term I suspect he trademarked – around the east coast.  I know a hurricane has an eye but apparently it has an ear, too, and takes commands from Pat Robertson.

“In the name of Jesus, you Hurricane Florence, we speak to you in the name of Jesus, and we command the storm to cease its forward motion and go harmlessly into the Atlantic. Go up north away from land and veer off in the name of Jesus. We declare in the name of the lord that you shall go no farther, you shall do no damage in this area.”

And the hurricane responded, “yes’um.”

Pat assures us that it’s worked against other hurricanes in the past.  He says —

“It’s almost hilarious to see them try,” he said. “They try to get in and they can’t, and then they go north and they turn around, try to come back in. They can’t do it.”

Well, you can’t argue with success.

Thanks to Carl for the heads up.

Trump was as somber and thoughtful as usual this morning.

Get the hell outta there.

Man, that sucker scares me and I’ve lived through some gawd-awful ones.

And I pray that Donald Trump doesn’t come and throw paper towels at you.

Y’all, I have decided that Kellyanne Conway is Trump’s speech therapist.  He buys his word salads from Kellyanne.

Listen to this 2 minute interview on CNN and hear Kellyanne’s claim that she’s not responsible, she’s very important, things are great, and it doesn’t matter anyway.

Either she’s responsible for what Trump says or they are melding into one person.

And what’s with that constant amused smile?  I hate when women do that, especially the bleached blonde ones.

Ted Cruz, dammit, now says that Beto O’Rourke is a California boy.

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) told a rally crowd in Humble, Texas that his opponent would turn Texas into California by bringing “tofu, silicon and dyed hair,” according to a Reuters reporter.

First of all, Ted didn’t tell them that he hisownself wants to get rid Texas of What-a-Burger, playing in a band, and cussin’.  I did not know that Texans were that dainty.  Hell, this is Texas, where Willie Nelson sings, Whataburger came in second for the state symbol, and the ladies can cuss until your ears bleed.

Okay, let’s talk about tofu, silicon, and dyed hair.  Honey, I think he’s talking about the First family.

And surely Ted wouldn’t dye his hair or fix his comb over. Here’s a guy who went from this …

to this …

by solely the power of prayer.

Praise the Lord, y’all.

Thanks to Gray and Epp for the heads up.