Trump attended the Florida Republican Party fundraiser last weekend.  Everyone there was required to check their cell phones at the door and no press was allowed.

Riding the high of the successful event turnout — and without the pressure of press or cell phones Trump transformed into a “total comedian,” according to six people who attended the event and spoke afterward to the Miami Herald.

According to my well-research treatise on humor in Republicans (There is none.), that means he made fun of people in the grossest way possible, imitated some handicapped people, yelled “Pocahontas” while doing the tomahawk chop, and told a few “Jew” jokes that no one understood.

But the highlight of the night was the two American soldiers he pardoned.

He also pulled an unusual move, bringing on stage Army 1st Lt. Clint Lorance and Maj. Mathew Golsteyn, who Trump pardoned last month for cases involving war crimes. Lorance was serving a 19-year sentence for ordering his soldiers shoot at unarmed men in Afghanistan, and Golsteyn was to stand trial for the 2010 extrajudicial killing of a suspected bomb maker.

We finally have an excellent Democrat to run against Louie Gohmert.

Hank Gilbert, a guy made of East Texas timber, has decided that we’ve had all we can take from Louie Gohmert.  Hank is a family rancher, a former school teacher, and runs a large and very successful nonprofit in partnership with his two sons, has filed for Texas CD1.  He will win the primary and dance on Louie Gohmert’s head.

He’s one of the nicest and smartest guys I know. He’s genuine. He leads with a calm but firm resolve. I believe in Hank Gilbert.  Send a couple of dollars to Hank if you can just to let him know you’re plenty proud of his decision to run.

Click here to virtually meet Hank.  God bless him for making loud noise in Texas CD1.

Pete Olson isn’t running again because he’s a coward and knows he’ll get whipped so bad that his grandchildren will be born shaking.

So far there’s about 12 candidates running in the GOP primary for Olson’s seat, including our current sheriff.

Another entered today in CD22.  You’d think that the Bush family would eventually run out of dim witted boys to run for office in Texas. But, nope.

The grandson of the late President George H.W. Bush, nonprofit executive Pierce Bush, will announce his candidacy for Congress on Monday morning, according to an email written by his father, Neil Bush.

There is a never ending supply of Bushes and they all believe they are entitled to public office.

I am in Austin this week and will spend tomorrow with Glen on the last day of filing.

I have news.  Yesterday at the SDEC meeting in Plano, Michael Bloomberg came to speak and committed to spending $100 million in Texas if he is the nominee.  To my mind, if his goal is to beat Donald Trump, he should commit to spend $100 million in Texas even if he’s not the nominee.

Now, the good news: Texas Democrats, for the first time in a long damn time, have someone running in every congressional seat.  We even have people running against incumbents, which is fine with me.

I’ll be updating this all day tomorrow.

Last night at a secretive fundraiser in Florida, Trump brought onstage two war criminals. They were former US Army 1st Lt. Clint Lorance and former US Army Maj. Mathew Golsteyn.  Both had been given clemency by Trump last month.  One was convicted of ordering the murder of 3 unarmed Afghans, and the other charged with murdering an unarmed Afghan.  The fundraiser netted $3.5 million.  One attendee noted that Trump “was in rare form” and “hilarious”.

Yes.  Nothing is more “hilarious” than honoring murdering war criminals.

Sorry, I got on a tear this morning and wrote this without checking to see what El Jefe had posted.  Oh well, I have another take on the same topic, so I’ll leave it.  Sorry, El, for stepping on your toes. (We’re friends so I can call him by his first name.)

One of the best things in my life are lightbulbs that last five years.  I am not fond of ladders and unscrewing glass things to put more glass things into it and then re-screwing the first glass thing after you remember where the hell you put the screws.

Donald Trump wants to Make Juanita Crazy Again again because he thinks those light bulbs made him look orange. Odd how the people sitting next to him don’t look orange even though they are under the same light. Donald’s orange comes from a bottle.

But, now he’s come to believe that wasting water is what made America great.

The president on Friday said he ordered a federal review of water efficiency standards in bathroom fixtures and complained that “people are flushing toilets 10 times, 15 times as opposed to once” in homes with low-flow appliances.

No, that’s not due to the toilets’ operation.  That’s because the people he talks to are full of crap.

Remember: when Trump says people, he means “me.”

They work fine for me.

Then, there’s this.

The president said he’s considering different standards for states with different levels of rainfall.

“There may be some areas where we’ll go the other route, desert areas, but for the most part, you have many states where they have so much water that comes down, it’s called rain, they don’t know what to do with it,” he said.

But 40 of 50 state water managers said they expected water shortages under average conditions in some portion of their state over the next decade, according to a 2014 report from the Government Accountability Office.

So you’ve got ten states, probably all blue where people aren’t full of crap, where Trump can poop.

He’s making me crazy, y’all.