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Okay, so I’ve backed off asking you guys to donate to my favorite campaigns because I know times are tight and there’s so many candidate who need help.

But, just this one last time, chip in ten bucks American money to keep Linda Chavez Thompson on the electric teevee until election day.  Your ten bucks will buy teevee time for her message for a better Texas.  Linda is one of my favorite candidates – a labor Democrat with a strong commitment to working Texans.

Her personal story is amazing.

You have ten bucks.  It’s in your pocket.  Do something good with it.  When people hear Linda, people vote Linda.

Click here to do something you’ll be proud of.

Que Linda!

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“You know, when you do not believe in regular Darwinism, but you do believe in social Darwinism where only the fittest should survive, stomping on people’s heads ain’t a stretch.”  Juanita is talking about the Rand Paul supporter who stomped on a woman’s head yesterday.

“Apparently, Paul’s supporters were acting like overheated hell with outraged that a woman – a woman! – had an opinion so they beat the crap outta her,” Juanita says.  “I mean, think about it.  How little does your winkie have to be to stomp on the head of an unarmed woman while she’s on the ground?  I’ll tell you how small – the little end of nothing whittled to a point.  Poco Pecko, that’s how small.”

“We are warning women to put on their spike heels to go Rand Paul meetings.  If there’s gonna be head-stompin’, it’ll be met with butt kickin’.  Painful butt kicking.”

Juanita imagines that there are people out there who are thinking, “well, Rand Paul didn’t actually do this himself.”  No, but he drove the get-away car.

“Y’all, we cannot encourage these people.  They will just keep multiplying and trying their damnest to put Ayn Rand on Mt. Rushmore.  They already pretty much want to repeal the Constitution,” she says.

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Y’all, Juanita hates to be the one to tell you, but Tom DeLay is the celebrity “expert” on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire? this week.  Nice timing, huh?

As if seeing Tom DeLay shake his butt on Dancing With the Stars wasn’t hard enough on America, the former House Majority Leader will continue his budding reality show career on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. DeLay will appear as the “expert” lifeline, following in the footsteps of Wolf Blitzer and Soledad O’Brien, the New York Post reports. The gig began yesterday and continues the rest of the week.

“I suspect that maybe a good part of what DeLay is doing is so that potential jurors might see that he’s not the hard-hearted guy that he presented himself as when he was majority leader, and that he has a soft and fuzzy side to him,” says a former federal prosecutor.

“Ya think?”  Juanita asks.  “Not the master manipulator!  Not Tom.  He wouldn’t do that.”

“Tom DeLay is about as soft and fuzzy as a ratttlesnake,” she warns.  “The minute this trial is over, he’ll go back to stepping on kittens and cavorting in hot tubs.  If I say a chicken can give milk, you better go fetch a pail and a stool and I say that Mr. Nice Tom is just show biz.”

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Thelma, the Texas Chainsaw Manicurist, got this in a little bag on her front door.

It’s a campaign nail file from Bob Hebert, our county judge with three degrees, all of them as fake as a $3 wig.

Thelma ain’t pleased.

“With all the money hundreds of thousands of dollars that twit has collected from developers and vendors to the county, he could afford to give us all a certificate for a manicure instead of a stupid file,” she says as she tosses the file in the garbage.  “Just what we need – more cheapo Republicans.”

Hey, at least he didn’t hand out combs.

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Juanita Jean Herownself is proud to announce that this week Tom DeLay is gainfully employed.

His job title?  Defendant.

When you read this story in the Austin-American Statesman, you will come to understand how Tom DeLay’s indictment was the work of a good and loving God.  Not that many coincidences can happen in the natural universe.

“Tom took down his website last week, and his charity for foster children has gone to seed, with only one family still living there.  Seven houses are sitting empty and the fancy landscaping has been mowed down.  We kept hoping he’d spiffy the place up before trial but I guess none of the potential jurors live around here so there’s no one he needs to impress.”

Juanita wanted to go to the trial, but there’s way too much to do here before November 2nd to counteract the sleazy things that Tom did.

“I know he’s going to argue that what he did in 2002 is legal now,” she says.  “Yeah, it’s legal now because he got all his buddies elected by cheating and they changed the law to benefit themselves.  It’s kinda like the guy who killed both his parents and then throws himself on the mercy of the court because he’s an orphan.”

“He’s gonna have a fun time trying to argue that he cheated to get elected so he could make cheating legal.  Honey, he has the best lawyer in the United States and he’s going to need it.”