Fort Bend Democrats Club was honored to have Texas singer / songwriter Hank Woji come sing for us at our last meeting.

Listen to his “Pigs At The Trough,” and see if you don’t think he ought to come sing for us at the State Convention in June.

Boyd, you know where to find me and I know where to find Hank.

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Juanita has tried all morning to come up with something funny to say about Scott Brown and Neil Caveto this morning, but she can’t.

Dudes, he flew a damn airplane into a big ole building.  That is not an acceptable political statement.

You guys scare me as much as he did.

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She heard it on the news last night.  John Cougar Bailey Hutchinson Keeton Strayhorn Mellencamp might run for Senate.

She’s moving to Indiana.

And, you’re welcome to join her.

“Seriously, John Mellencamp is so cool that his mere presence in a room lowers the temperature by 10 degrees,” Juanita speaks from experience.   The worse argument Juanita and Thelma ever had was: Bruce or John: Who Is Cooler?

The first time Juanita saw Mellencamp in person, she told us, “Baby Doll, he was wearing his pants so tight that I couldn’t breathe.”

The map is on the wall and Juanita is already planning a Girlfriends Road Trip to Indiana if John decides to run.  “It’s gonna be The Cherry Bomb Express,” she promises.

Sign up below!

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Thank you, Gary Markstein.

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“I think we in this area of Texas have some sort of magic hold on goofy candidates,” Juanita suspects.

“I told you about Kesha Rogers and her Caca del Toro campaign for Congressional District 22” she continues, “but I haven’t gotten around to one of the other Democratic candidates, Rev. Freddie John Weider.  CD22 is Tom DeLay’s old district.”

“Rev. Freddie John has remained under my radar for the past few months after I blew up at him for all his illegal campaign signs placed high on telephone poles in low income neighborhoods,” she says while tossing back a big chug on an afternoon cup of coffee.  Juanita has, of course, a leopard print coffee mug.  You probably don’t.

But, it appears that Rev. Freddie John, along with all his Jeeee-suh Wants You To Do What I Say campaign platform, has earned his way back into Juanita’s front parlor.

“Lookie here,” she grins.  “Rev. Freddie John is all over social media.  He even posted today on Facebook at the Brazoria County Democratic Party fan page.  I’m gonna print it out and hang it up here on the bulletin board —

Hello, I have received several endorsements in the past few days but an agreement was reached to keep them secret to the ballot box. I know there were other endorsements that my opponent wanted, but was turned down. I am included in a money bomb today and anyone wanting to donate can go to ACT BLUE and donate if you wa…nt to be included in todays total. The money bomb runs till midnight tonight. One of my campaign advisors has uncovered some distrubing news about both people that are running against me. I am not interested in personal attacks but I do not have control over what someone else wants to do or does. Also many of our signs are disappearing and I would hope that it is not fellow democrats that are doing it.

Secret endorsements.

No, seriously.  Secret endorsements.  This dude has secret endorsements.

“Well, don’t that just jar your preserves?” Juanita wants to know.  “I mean, until this very moment I thought the word endorsement actually meant being public about your support.  Can’t you just see his endorsement list?  Forty five listings of ‘Anonymous,’ God, and his mother.  Unless, of course, God and his mother would prefer to stay anonymous, too, which is probably pretty darn likely.”

“And then in true Christian fashion, he tells you that he knows all manner of evil, kinky, and maybe even drunken brawl stuff about his opponents, but he’s not going to be a bad man and give specifics.  No, sirreeee, not a good Christian like him.  Rev. Freddie John is gonna let you use your evil imagination to dream up what his opponents are doing to shame themselves.”

Juanita adds another packet of sugar to her coffee and says, “Yep, Texas CD22 is a crazy magnet.”

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Juanita was reading online when she came across a mountain of dumb —

Nearly a third of Texans believe humans and dinosaurs roamed the earth at the same time, and more than half disagree with the theory that humans developed from earlier species of animals, according to the University of Texas/Texas Tribune Poll.

They also believe in unicorns, dragons, and that “fiscal conservative” is not an oxymoron.

Even more frightening —

Did humans live at the same time as the dinosaurs? Three in ten Texas voters agree with that statement; 41 percent disagree, and 30 percent don’t know.

“They don’t know,” Juanita figures, “because they weren’t there?”

This pretty much explains why Texas is still a red state.