Where else in the world except America can a crazy person stand in front of a United States Post Office and say insane things?

Juanita went to the post office today to mail business cards to those of you who requested them and met a man who stopped people going into the post office to tell them, “Democrats are going to help us impeach Obama.”

Not the hell on Juanita’s watch.  “Dang fool LaRouchers,” Juanita proclaims.

So here’s the nutty guy who has set up shop to campaign for Kesha Rogers for Congress in front of the stinkin’ post office.

And he’s got his office set up on the side by the parking lot —

So, here’s the plan.  Verdelia is retired.  It is not wise to hack-off retired people.  Verdelia is making a big sign tonight that says “TALK TO A CRAZY DUDE.  25 CENTS” and is going to stand next to him all day tomorrow.  Hey, it doesn’t hurt to raise a little money.  And, any time he talks to her, she will answer in Czech.

Oh, this is gonna be good.

Okay, Juanita wants to know if you get the idea that this guy hollers all the damn time.

According to Juanita’s foreign correspondent in North Carolina, this guy is running in the Raleigh-Durham–Wake Forest area, one of the most liberal spots in North Carolina.

If you know of any more crazzzy Republican websites, post them here.  I just flat love this stuff!

Juanita wishes to announce that The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc., will be closed at lunchtime today for … well, lunch.  And early voting.

Juanita always votes on the first day of early voting because, “if you get hit by a truck tomorrow, your vote still counts!”

Our Democratic County Chairman here ain’t real bright.  In fact, some people flick her switch a couple times a day just to see if she’s on.  So, she agreed to a combined primary.  That means we have to walk in the same room as the Republicans and use the same voting machines.  Verdelia is carrying an 11 foot pole to vote because she won’t touch a Republican with a 10 foot one.  Juanita is wearing her platform knee-high boots, hoping to weave around all the snakes.  Wish them luck.

We’ll have pictures later today.

Juanita is just a tad jealous.  Just a tad.

Another haircare person is getting all the attention in Texas.  Farouk Shami, billionaire inventor of fabulous hair care products, is running for Governor.  Yes, of Texas.

And now he’s taken all the spotlight.

Here’s the latest you need to know about the race for Texas governor: Farouk Shami, the Houston hair-care magnate running for governor as a Democrat, is about to announce the invention of a blow dryer that grows hair.

That’s what I said. That’s what he said. Run this blow dryer over your shiny knob of a head and watch the hair sprout.

“Okay, this is big hair country.  How am I supposed to compete with some guy who can make hair grow?  This is just isn’t fair,” Juanita moans.  Then she reads on.

But, wait, there’s more.

Meeting with the Chronicle editorial board this morning, the inventor of the wildly popular Chi hair-straightener announced that the dryer also smooths out wrinkles on the face.

“Oh, hell, he wins,” she says.  “This guy can grown hair and remove wrinkles.  Honey, if he can figure out a way to loose 20 pounds overnight, we’ll let him be President.”

A wife lasts as long as a marriage, but an ex-wife is for the rest of your life.

Customer Sharon called Juanita this morning for an appointment and some news.

Though the State of Texas does not officially recognize same-sex marriages, a Travis County judge has approved a same-sex divorce.

Angelique Naylor and Sabina Daly married in Massachusetts five years ago.

I flat love the free state of Travis County, where people sit around all day thinking up ways to hack off the religious right.  We should give them an award for that.

Juanita agrees.  “Hey Travis County, the next round’s on me!”

Juanita first heard about it from Bob and she’s been a little bit giddy ever since.

Sugar Land might, just might, get a minor league ball team

“Oh, be still my heart,” Juanita grins.  “As you know, God does not take away from your allotted time on earth any time spent at the ballpark.  It’s almost heaven.”

Banjo thinks we should call the team Sugar Daddies.  Juanita thinks that would certainly be most appropriate for Sugar Land, but probably for different reasons than Banjo thinks!

“I do not care what you call them, just call them safe at homeplate,” Juanita requests.