“I live with crazzzy people all around me,” Juanita admits.

She has just seen the results of the propositions on the Republican primary ballot in Fort Bend County.

Voter ID carried by 95%.

Some damn thing about controlling government growth carried by 93%, which mean everybody voted for it except those living off the government dole – like Republican elected officials.

Cut My Taxes!  Cut My Taxes!  I Don’t Care If Little Children Starve on The Street or Airplanes Fall Out of the Sky Cut My Damn Taxes! carried by 94%.

Putting the Ten Commandments in your face every darn day even though Sweet Jesus had a better idea – 95%, of course.

Requiring women to have a sonogram, a mere 69%, probably because they are afraid someone will ask them to pay for it.  They want to be mean, but they also want to be thrifty.

And that pretty much sums up Juanita’s thoughts on Republicans for today.

4

.

Juanita is pleased, for the most part, with the election results yesterday.

But, there is one thing that she has been delighting in and laughing about.  She came stumbling in late this morning, wiping little sleep balls from the corner of her eyes.

“There were two white male elected officials who wanted to be kingmakers,” she begins as she pours coffee and settles down at the appointment table to see what miracles she has to perform with hair today, “and both of them ended up with enough egg on their faces to have a breakfast platter named after them at Denny’s.”

“One was a Republican and the other was a Democrat.  They both wanted to be kingmakers on the west side of the county.”

“Republican Sheriff Milton Wright, God love him, thought he could personally name the next district attorney on the sheer force of being a white male and having a gun,” she starts.

“Milton pours all his amazing political skills  into electing his good buddy, Richard Raymond.  Milton personally strutted the guy around town, wrote political ads for him, and stood in front of the polls on election day,” Juanita recounts.

“It was a three person race and Richard Raymond came in fourth,” Juanita hoots.  “No kidding, he was so far behind the pack that he had to take out an ad in the newspaper for somebody to come find him.”

“This morning, the poor guy has to unzip his pants to see out,”  she grins, “and Milton Wright has to face the fact that his name and his reputation are good for about 20% of the vote.  Good Lord, Honey, my name is dirt and I can russle up 25%, which means that Milton Wright has as much political clout as lockjaw.”

“So, all Milton’s bravado about electing his chief deputy the next sheriff in two years  might want to get re-thought or the chief deputy might want to take some night classes because it’s beginning to look like the sheriff has the coattails of a 6 year old girl, which is to say diddle squat.”

The other wannabe kingmaker is Richard Morrison.

“Well, Richard caught a bad case of ‘commissioner disease’ and started thinking he was all that, a keg of beer, and a funny hat,” she grins.

“He wanted to be the Democratic kingmaker of his cowboy fiefdom but wandered off somewhere between A and B and let his ego override his butt,” she explains.  “He bull headedly supported all the incumbents in an election where people wanted change.”

“He supported Dora Olivo in spite of the fact that she had never done squat for another Democrat or that she’s been a waste of good air for eight years.  But Dora is real good at one thing – feeding people’s egos.  I mean, if she could find professional employment at that, she’d get rich.”

Juanita continues, “So instead of getting the ethics reform he promised or the road widen that he was all gung-ho about, Richard spent time adoring Dora.  You might as well talk Egyptian to a pack mule as try to reason with Richard.”

“Richard sat on his hands for the county chair race because a weak county chair means more power for Richard.  He was a complete nincompoop about it and even his friends will likely remember that he’s worthless as a barrel full of feathers when it’s crunch time.”

“So, all in all it was a pretty good election,” Juanita concludes.  “I got to see old white men learn that just because they’re crowing doesn’t mean it’s daylight.”

b

It’s election day and the Republicans are expecting fist fights at the polls and all manner of mayhem. But, they’ll do it in a very Christian way, you know.

Juanita has closed the salon until 7:30 tonight so she can spend election day at the polls for her favorite candidates.  That means that unless something cool happens that she can upload on her trusty iPhone, you are in charge of entertaining yourself today.  However, if something cool does happen, Juanita will let you know through the miracle of modern big time journalism.

Our buddy and award winning field correspondent Bob let us know that the computers aren’t working at his poll this morning.

I was No. 11 to vote. Their laptop and Election Department scanner weren’t working right. They scanned my voter reg card but the info wouldn’t flow to the omputer, so the lady asked me how I spelled my last name, what my address was, what my birthday was. Usually I forget my voter card, so no telling how it would’ve gone if I’d only had my driver’s license.

They were on hold with the Election Administration the entire time I was there, trying to find out what to do about the computer glitch.

Not necessarily scintillating news, but that’s what I got.

Bob

Meanwhile, let us all know if something cool is happening at your poll today or you just have a joke or something.  You, too, can be a Juanita Jean Field Correspondent.

For sure, Juanita will be back here tonight after her precinct convention.  Maybe before.

.

Juanita wonders what the deal is with this election.  She has received more robo calls today than she received for the past 8 years combined.

“Honey, it sounds like a hand bell choir at my place because I have a home phone, a business phone and a cellphone.  I am certain that if I took the proper time, I could tune them all to play the 1812 Overture tonight what with all the ringing,” she announces.

She’s wondering if you’re getting robo calls where you live and if,  like her, you are very unimpressed with the ones recorded over a phone line that are so scratchy that you have no idea what they’re saying.

This November she’s gonna get a recorder and record some of these calls.

Also, we got an email today from the county party, using the county party email list, saying how wonderful the incumbent county party chair is.  “That’s illegal in Texas, the District of Colombia, and some portions of Norway,” Juanita reports.  “But, it’ll have to wait in line along with all the other violations of the law she’s racking up.  Cripes, it’ll take a Grand Jury months to sort out the mess she’s made.”

Robo calls?  Effective or a hacker-offer?

5

Our Republican dominated elections department here in Fort Bend County has once again moved a voting location without notifying voters.  Hal can tell you all about it.

Juanita is paying a nice lady friend of hers to stand at the old polling location all day and hand out maps to Democrats to the new location.  She considered having the lady friend  tell Republicans that she has no clue where they vote, but last she heard, their voting location had been moved to the county judge’s front porch.

The Juanita changed her mind and composed this letter —

Dear Republican,

Your desire for smaller government and less taxes has left you here without a clue of where to vote.

Your Republican dominated elections office moved your voting location without notifying you.

So, you have two good-ole Republican choices:

1.  You can count on your self-reliance to find out where to vote on your own.  You won’t need our help for that.  Have a nice day.

2.  You can show your support for free enterprise by paying the nice lady who handed you this letter $5.00 for her time, effort, ink, and research to buy yourself printed directions to your new voting location.

That would be doing it the Republican way.

You probably save about 1/20th of a penny in taxes this year by not being notified of where you now vote.

We’re Democrats.  We believe in responsible, responsive government.  We also believe we are our brother’s keepers.

And we have deeply enjoyed this little neighborly ribbing.

Your new voting location is River Pointe Church and there are directions on the back of this paper.

However, if you would like to give the nice lady $1.00 for the directions, those donations will be given to Helping Hands in Richmond.

Please consider voting for a few local Democrats this November.  We take your right to vote very seriously.  We also take your right to be well-informed so seriously that we are willing to spend our own money and time to print this map for you.

Juanita Jean Herownself

P.S.  By the way, under Republican dominated leadership local taxes have increased and your county government has grown by leaps and bounds with cronyism.

If they can’t find their way after that, there’s no helping them.

6

They say that a picture is worth a thousand words.  That must be true because I cannot think of one word fitting for this sign I have to pass by to get the post office.

So please don’t ask me to go to the post office.

I know you can think of a word, but please remember that Momma comes here.

b