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Juanita is just a tad concerned.

It seems that Texas law is requiring a lingerie store in San Antonio to get a food permit because they sell edible underwear.  No, I am not kidding.

Although she is not certain which food group edible underwear falls into, Juanita is almost positive that it does meet standards for a balanced diet.  You know, food, fun, and underwear.

“I am concerned that the health department will show up here because we chew the fat,” Juanita says, “and I’ve never gotten the proper permit for that.  And, sometimes we drink it all in when I do an especially nice job on a updo, and I’m sure there’s a permit required for that.”

The owner says —

Benitez rebuked the health departments claim, saying “Everything in the box says ‘novelty item’ only… It’s not something you sit down and actually eat.

“I think that every now and then, someone with a pencil, a pad, and the ability to make your life miserable gets carried away” Juanita says.

State Board of education member and gay divorcee Cynthia Dunbar lectures God about history as she led the prayer at today’s State Board of Education meeting.

And one more thing for Ms. Dunbar —

And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.   Matthew 6:5-6

There is a very special place in hell for those who would lecture God on political beliefs.  I’m just certain of it.

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TEA Parties Are for Little Girls and Their Imaginary Friends

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Becky Moeller is President of the Texas AFL-CIO and she’s all that and a big diamond ring.

Becky has a cost-saving idea to Texas taxpayers.  She can save them $10,000 a month.

She’s offering up a mobile home for Texas Governor Rick Perry to live in.  She’s willing to rent it to him for $1. a year.  Cash American money.

Becky says —

We are offering the use of this housing for $1 a year, compared to $10,000 a month plus many other expenses at the rental mansion. If Gov. Perry accepts our offer, we will work out furnishings, connections and any reasonable details to make certain the building is comfortable for temporary living.

Although it was just delivered, we have tried to bring some homey touches to the manufactured home you see here. Among the amenities, Gov. Perry will find Food and Wine Magazine, a 50-year-old stuffed German shepherd from my personal collection that is not a coyote, and a short-term supply of hair product.

“That’s a damn hoot!” Juanita hollers.

Now, here’s the kicker —

Perry spokesman Mark Miner says the AFL-CIO stunt is merely a political gimmick for Democratic candidate Bill White.

“Ya think?”

“And now we know what Mark Miner is not a brain surgeon,” she laughs.

“Of course it’s a stunt, you idiot!  It’s funny.  It makes Rick Perry look the fool.  It’s plow down straight up good ole Texas humor.  Becky can make far more more than $10,000 a month by giving tours of the doublewide decorated like we think Rick Perry would decorate it.  I’ve even got a friend who’ll throw in a stuffed coyote!”

Thank you, Becky.  You da woman!

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No matter where you live, if you have a teevee set or a newspaper, you know about Texas’ State Board of Education.  They are rewriting history and taking out that Godless heathen Thomas Jefferson and replacing him with Newt Gingrich.  Today, they’ve decided that “slave trade” is such a harsh term.  They want to change it to “Atlantic triangular trade”.

I’ve been getting emails from you guys wanting to know what Juanita thinks about the State Board of Education.

“Elect Judy Jennings.” That’s all she would say.  Juanita is a big ole fan of Dr. Judy Jennings.

Juanita has a plan.  Every time the Texas Board of Education does something especially dumb, she goes right here and gives Judy Jennings ten dollars.

“It’s just ten dollars.  You are not gonna miss ten dollars.  But, all those ten dollars add up for Judy and will put her on the Board of Education instead of the rightwinger in District 10,” Juanita promises.  “You people from foreign states, especially, can send a message by sending Judy ten dollars.  Ten dollars buys her 5 yard signs.  Ten dollars puts stamps on some mailers.  Ten dollars reaches 50 voters through pushcards.  Ten dollars sends a message that you are not going to let the rightwing hijack history.”

Go do it.  You’ll be proud of yourself all weekend.