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To be honest, this amuses me to the extent that it literally improves my spiritual net worth.

Rick Perry is running for President.

Yeah, right.  Sure, he’ll be President and I’ll be the Queen of Ohio.  If I lived in Ohio.  And could get elected Queen.

I still contend he’s running for Vice President because I don’t think the American people will elect another dumbguy from Texas who’s best at standing around grinning from his butt to his eyebrows.  No, seriously, that’s the only thing Rick Perry does well.

Look, I just want to warn you folks from foreign states that Rick Perry will absolutely not live in the White House if elected.  It won’t be nice enough for him.  So, he’ll spend his entire term living somewhere more befitting his fancy pants lifestyle and taste – like maybe Trump Tower.

On the upside, there’s nothing more likely to focus on kinky behavior and bad guy cahooting than a national race.  Rick Perry has more baggage than the Greyhound Bus Terminal.

Oh, and by the way, a thanks to Ralph for the heads-up on a great running mate for Perry.  I think maybe we should do the Republican primary in gladiator style.  Put them all in a ring and let them beat each other upside the head with their Bibles until there’s just one standing.  That there would be your winner.

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Well, the dude is running for the United States Senate.

According to the Quorum Report, Dan Patrick has formed an “exploratory committee” (perhaps involving exploring women’s vaginas, I dunno.) to run for the United States of American Senate.

Dan Patrick

If you’ve forgotten who Dan is, here’s a tidy little reminder.

Last I heard on late night kook talk radio, Dan was in a slapping match with Lt. Governor David Dewhurst.  No, I am serious.  They were the subject of the night on kook radio.

Protest Over TSA

First hour guest, radio host Alex Jones talked about his protest over the Texas Legislature shelving the so-called TSA “groping” bill (halting invasive security pat-downs). Though the bill had passed in the House, the Dept. of Justice had sent a threatening letter that they would shut down Texas airports if the law was enacted, he explained. Jones contended that this action was a step toward martial law, and that the invasive pat-downs are setting the stage for forced inoculations. More here.

Go ahead and click the more here button and welcome yourself to Tin Foil Hat Land, staring Dan Patrick!  And don’t forget to read the comments afterward.

David Dewhurst

Juanita grins and says, “Okay, you may be having an interesting Republican primary senate race in your state, but I’ll betcha we’re the only state whose Republican primary is being played out on late night talk radio by people who think Klaus Barbie, the Bilderbergs, the New World Order, the Masons, and  the Illuminati are taking over Texas by using fluoride, psychic power, zombies, and the coming Obama prison camps.  Yeah, buddy, this one will entertain us.”

I would also like to note that I am probably the only unlicensed blogger in Texas who will bring you this powerful, vital, and earth-shaking information because I will go to the ends of the earth, even braving 3:00 am radio, to bring you the best information possible.  That’s just the kind of investigative reporter I am.

No, seriously, it was on kook talk radio last night.

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You’ve heard me many times say that my friend Democratic State Representative Senfronia Thompson is simply the best.  She’s smart.  She’s funny.  She’s comforting and she’s tough.

And, today, she threatened to bloody a nose or two and shamed the men of the Texas Legislature into hanging their heads.  It seems that a right wing insurance lobby used a picture demeaning women on a flier.  Senfronia rose to speak.

This is long, but it will comfort your soul to know  that women like State Representative Senfronia Thompson are fighting for your daughter.  Stay with it at least until she finally lets them have it.

You can read the whole story here at the Texas Tribune.

“Men if you don’t stand up for us today, don’t you walk in this chamber tomorrow,” Thompson said.  Amazing.

I will tell you a true story.  I have a necklace that Senfronia admires every time I wear it.  I love that necklace and have looked hard to find another one just like it to give to Senfronia.  It is by no means an expensive necklace but it’s one that looks good with almost every outfit I have, so although I know I should give it to her because she likes it so much, I haven’t.  I tease her that I might like her a lot, but I love that necklace.   As soon as I can legally give it to her and not violate Texas election laws, I will.  By gawd, she’s earned it.

By the way, Senfronia made one of the most powerful speeches ever given on the House floor.  She talked about gay rights as human rights.  Read it here.

You’re in love, aren’t you?

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Dick Cheney was in Houston and got to gushing —-

“I worship the ground that Paul Ryan walks on,” Cheney said. “I think he’s an enormously talented individual and he’s trying to do the right thing. And [he] deserves all the support we can provide him.

I think you ought to take him hunting, Dick.

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Texas Republican State Senator Glenn Hegar, my personal state senator, voted against banning texting while driving.  Wanna know why?

Glen Hegar, The Oh My God What An Idiot Prize winner today

State Sens. Glenn Hegar, R-Katy, and Robert Nichols, R-Jacksonville, opposed the ban, saying it was too much government intrusion. Hegar wondered aloud if lawmakers would next try to ban burgers and sodas in the car. “The question is what do we ban people from doing in their cars?” he asked.

Okay, let’s sort this out.  Glenn Hegar voted FOR the government to force an instrument into a woman’s vagina against her will and  to force her ears open like something out of A Clockwork Orange in order for her to do something that is perfectly legal and Constitutionally protected in this country, but thinks government would be too big and intrusive to keep people from texting while driving.

My head hurts, y’all.

And Senator Hegar asks what do we ban people from doing in their cars?   Well, we ban you from driving while under the influence or not wearing your glasses or not having a license or breaking the speed limit.

Government has every right to be in the backseat of my car, you damn fool.  It is in the public interest, you hog hollerin’ son of a motherless goat.  But, Glenn, in your favor, you don’t drool much for a dumb guy.

So, maybe Glenn would be in favor of banning texting from your vagina while driving?

Y’all, I am so sorry to have to keep using the word vagina, but this is Texas and if you want to get a male Republican’s attention, you have to use it.  They certainly do.

Thanks to Edith Ann for the heads up!