Trump was as somber and thoughtful as usual this morning.

Get the hell outta there.

Man, that sucker scares me and I’ve lived through some gawd-awful ones.

And I pray that Donald Trump doesn’t come and throw paper towels at you.

Y’all, I have decided that Kellyanne Conway is Trump’s speech therapist.  He buys his word salads from Kellyanne.

Listen to this 2 minute interview on CNN and hear Kellyanne’s claim that she’s not responsible, she’s very important, things are great, and it doesn’t matter anyway.

Either she’s responsible for what Trump says or they are melding into one person.

And what’s with that constant amused smile?  I hate when women do that, especially the bleached blonde ones.

Ted Cruz, dammit, now says that Beto O’Rourke is a California boy.

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) told a rally crowd in Humble, Texas that his opponent would turn Texas into California by bringing “tofu, silicon and dyed hair,” according to a Reuters reporter.

First of all, Ted didn’t tell them that he hisownself wants to get rid Texas of What-a-Burger, playing in a band, and cussin’.  I did not know that Texans were that dainty.  Hell, this is Texas, where Willie Nelson sings, Whataburger came in second for the state symbol, and the ladies can cuss until your ears bleed.

Okay, let’s talk about tofu, silicon, and dyed hair.  Honey, I think he’s talking about the First family.

And surely Ted wouldn’t dye his hair or fix his comb over. Here’s a guy who went from this …

to this …

by solely the power of prayer.

Praise the Lord, y’all.

Thanks to Gray and Epp for the heads up.

My last column at OutSmart before the election will be entitled, “Why Are Fire Ant Better Than Ted Cruz.”  Help me get the juices flowing by making suggestions.

1.  Fire ants seem perfectly happy even if they haven’t taken away everybody’s health care.
2. When fire ants read Green Eggs and Ham to the United States senate, they generally understand the moral underpinnings of the book.
3. If you call a fire ant’s dad an assassin  and their wife ugly, they will not kiss your ass any longer.
4. In any contest between Ted Cruz and fire ants for having a sense of humor, fire ants win bigly.
5. Same deal with sexiness.
6. Fire ants embrace communal ownership of the means of production and reject the inherent oppression of capitalistic patriarchy.
7. Fire-ant bites go away after a few weeks.
8. Fire just bite you.  They won’t bite you and then call you names for scratching.
9. Somewhere someplace there is a fire ant that’s not a sumbitch. You will not find that on the Republican side of the senate.

Come on … help.

And don’t forget this.