Y’all, I have decided that Kellyanne Conway is Trump’s speech therapist.  He buys his word salads from Kellyanne.

Listen to this 2 minute interview on CNN and hear Kellyanne’s claim that she’s not responsible, she’s very important, things are great, and it doesn’t matter anyway.

Either she’s responsible for what Trump says or they are melding into one person.

And what’s with that constant amused smile?  I hate when women do that, especially the bleached blonde ones.

Ted Cruz, dammit, now says that Beto O’Rourke is a California boy.

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) told a rally crowd in Humble, Texas that his opponent would turn Texas into California by bringing “tofu, silicon and dyed hair,” according to a Reuters reporter.

First of all, Ted didn’t tell them that he hisownself wants to get rid Texas of What-a-Burger, playing in a band, and cussin’.  I did not know that Texans were that dainty.  Hell, this is Texas, where Willie Nelson sings, Whataburger came in second for the state symbol, and the ladies can cuss until your ears bleed.

Okay, let’s talk about tofu, silicon, and dyed hair.  Honey, I think he’s talking about the First family.

And surely Ted wouldn’t dye his hair or fix his comb over. Here’s a guy who went from this …

to this …

by solely the power of prayer.

Praise the Lord, y’all.

Thanks to Gray and Epp for the heads up.

My last column at OutSmart before the election will be entitled, “Why Are Fire Ant Better Than Ted Cruz.”  Help me get the juices flowing by making suggestions.

1.  Fire ants seem perfectly happy even if they haven’t taken away everybody’s health care.
2. When fire ants read Green Eggs and Ham to the United States senate, they generally understand the moral underpinnings of the book.
3. If you call a fire ant’s dad an assassin  and their wife ugly, they will not kiss your ass any longer.
4. In any contest between Ted Cruz and fire ants for having a sense of humor, fire ants win bigly.
5. Same deal with sexiness.
6. Fire ants embrace communal ownership of the means of production and reject the inherent oppression of capitalistic patriarchy.
7. Fire-ant bites go away after a few weeks.
8. Fire just bite you.  They won’t bite you and then call you names for scratching.
9. Somewhere someplace there is a fire ant that’s not a sumbitch. You will not find that on the Republican side of the senate.

Come on … help.

And don’t forget this.

Okay, so the latest Ted Cruz slam against Beto O’Rourke is that he rented a VFW Hall and asked them to take down the US flag.

This comes from that unimpeachable source of all things total crap, Erick Erickson, a man rushing to fill the void of dank oily darkness left by Alex Jones.

O’Rourke rented out a Veterans of Foreign Wars Hall in Navasota, TX to hold a campaign rally. According to VFW Post 4006 Commander Carl Dry, O’Rourke’s campaign insisted the VFW Hall take down its American flags.

That just didn’t happen.

Knowing Ted Cruz’s penchant for dirty tricks and silly games, I have no doubt some Republican kids are laughing their butts off right now at what they did.

Beto’s campaign answered —

Our campaign absolutely did not request that any flags be removed or taken down from the walls. It is incorrect to say that we did. We have hosted dozens of town halls in VFW posts across the state and always ensure that the flags are prominently and respectfully displayed. As a senior member of the House Veterans Affairs Committee, the Vice Ranking Member of the House Armed Services Committee, and the Congressman for one of the largest military communities in the country, Beto is proud to have our flag displayed at events.

Lord, Ted Cruz is goofy.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

This is from my local sheriff’s department this morning.

They forgot brandishing of firearms, Lone Star beer liter, general cranky behavior, and threats of selling your car right there on the spot and walking home.

UPDATED:  I am in Austin.  The response to the program to find Democratic voters who have moved but not moved their voter registration has far exceeded all expectations.

This is the afternoon crew getting envelopes stuffed – and there were people behind me, too.  We will have more folks this weekend and will run 18 hours a day to get it done.

We have decided to run the list we have of Democrats who have moved to Fort Bend from out of state.  We found 4,868 of them.  It will cost $1,558 to do it.  I’m working on it.

Remember when I asked you to donate to a method to find Democrats in Texas who have moved but have not re-registered at their new address?

Remember when I asked you to donate to help a non-profit at register2vote.org so they could mail pre-populated voter applications along with a pre-paid stamped envelope?

Well, it all worked better than expected because Democrats across Texas signed up for these programs.

So, Glen send me a shout-out.

HELP They are drowning in envelops. Register2Vote.org is stuffing tens of thousands of voter registration forms to new voters.

Friday and Sunday at AFL Building auditorium. 9 am to 9 pm on Friday and again on Sunday. PLEASE come help them!!

SIGN UP HERE: https://goo.gl/forms/EaM88XEyeswxRT8j2

The AFL building is located at 1106 Lavaca if you’re in Austin this weekend.

See ya there.  I’m on my way there this afternoon.

And yes, I’m still raising money for block walkers and phone bankers.  I really, really, really want Beto to win.