Remember when we used to have The Daily Louie honoring the proud ignorance and Olympic level hypocrisy of Texas Congressvarmint Louie Gohmert? Well damn, y’all, he’s going for two-fers now.

Louie! #1

The boy filed a false report at the Ethics Commission, conveniently leaving off $17,000 in last minute contributions right before the primary.  Oh yeah, we have proof and so does the Ethics Commission.

Louie! #2

Louie has decided there’s a difference between right and wrong and by golly, he’s always right and by pure lucky happenstance so are all other Republicans.

He’s defending Jim Jordan.  And, as usual, it’s all a big plot by Hillary Clinton.  I’m not kidding you.

First, though, you have to read this.

“Jim Jordan is a fine and decent person who has a lifetime history of being honorable and honest, unlike his accusers whose extremely troubled backgrounds and ongoing legal and financial troubles place the veracity of their allegations into the realm of ridiculous,” he said.

Yeah, Jordan is being accused by herds of crazy people. And do you know who is getting these men to talk about Jordan?  Of course, you do.

Gohmert hinted that there was a larger conspiracy since one of the law firms investigating the allegations, Perkins Coie, is affiliated with Democrats including Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and former members of Congress.

“They were recently paid by Hillary Clinton and the DNC as a pass-through entity to hire Fusion GPS to concoct the salacious and unverified Russian dossier at the heart of the Clinton team’s attempted take-down of President Trump,” Gohmert said in his statement.

And then the next thing you know, he says he would not be shocked if cash payments had not already been made to the accusers “to purchase a drive-by character assassination of beloved conservative Republican Congressman Jim Jordan.”

Thanks to Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen and Kyle for the heads up.

The Republican running against Heidi Heitkamp in the closely watched North Dakota senate race just lost his dog whistle and started speaking plain ole English.

Representative Kevin Cramer said that he told Trump not to make his Supreme Court pick “some sort of affirmative action pick.”

Affirmative action pick?  Gee, what could he possibly mean by that? White. He means heterosexual white male with no physical handicaps whatsoever, except for that line of insecurity and insanity that years of inter-marrying caused.

He means Aryan with a penis.

Oh, good Lord. They’ve given-up on even trying to talk in code.

I will not be watching Trump’s butt-ignorant speech tonight.  There’s a ballgame on. I have to wash my hair. I’m allergic to dumb. I have a headache. There’s a bowling tournament down at Lucky Strike Lanes and Gourmet Dessert Emporium. My teevee is already peeved at me for watching too many reruns of West Wing so I don’t want to alienate it further.  Bubba put the channel changer in the garbage disposal the last time Trump spoke and I don’t want to risk it again. Did I mention that I have a headache?

So, if you watch it, please feel free to cushion my reaction by posting right here. 

Here’s the story.  Joe Trillo, who used to be a Republican but is now an Independent, likes to give campaign parties on his 65-foot yacht, the Lady M.  I think the M stands for Mendacious.

Joe is running for the Governor of Rhode Island.  Yesterday, he was running his yacht along the coastline with large campaign banners, blasting loud Sousa music.

His strategy was to approach a beach and announce that if elected, one of the many things he would do is put garbage cans on beaches so beachgoers wouldn’t have to carry their trash out in plastic bags. He’d play a John Philip Sousa march on what he describes as “very, very big sound equipment” before leaving for the next beach.

“You can hit 200,000 to 250,000 people in a day,” he said. “How else can you do that without spending a lot of money?”

I want you to listen to the news for five minutes and then tell me that the biggest problem facing the world today is beach goers having to carry out their own trash.

So he’s rocking along the coast in the full glory aboard the Lady M when he hits what was described as a “rock” and started taking on water. The Coast Guard had to come rescue him.  Do you know who pays the Coast Guard?

I am comfortable in my belief that he didn’t hit a rock; he hit a wall of stupidity.

Joe says that President Donald Trump inspired his gubernatorial run.

Really.  He said that. Like we couldn’t figure that out on our own.

Thanks to Claudia for the heads up.

I’m not sure what civility is anymore.  I’m also not sure why Republicans didn’t know that word when Barack Obama was president.

When you choose to have a public life, you gotta take the scorn if you take the praise. Back when I was newspapering, I had people anonymously pay for my lunch. The waiter would say something like, “Your meal has been taken care of by someone who enjoys your writing but wishes to remain anonymous.”  I got flowers from people who wished to remain nameless. I got sweet notes.

I also got hate mail, some of it frightening. I got spit on in the grocery store. No kidding, it was on the canned goods aisle by a woman who told me that I was a horrible person for saying that Tom DeLay was a liar and a fraud.  When I responded with only a smile, she hauled off and spit on me.

It’s life. I chose to be a liberal columnist in a very red county. You take the good with the bad. It’s the cost doing business.

I did most all of my confronting of public offices on the grounds of the public buildings where they worked. I once followed three county commissioners into the men’s room where they were meeting during a recess to get their stories straight.  I became a minor courthouse legend when I caused a crooked district court judge to wet his pants in the courthouse hallway when I confronted him with documentation that could put him in jail.

Congressman John Lewis commanded us all to make good trouble. I try to follow that every day.

I do not believe that violence is ever called for, nor are threats. The people who chose to work for the Trump administration are not immune to criticism.  They should be willing to feel a little emotional discomfort to understand how it feels.

They lock children in cages but feel the right to have lunch in peace at a fancy restaurant.  I, who have dealt with this myself, say make good trouble.

Ted Cruz has been chastised by the FEC three times this election cycle for exceeding donation limits.  Three. That’s not a common thing. Only three other senate candidates have received an excessive contribution notice and those three only received one notice. Reminder: Ted Cruz has three.

Local Texas newspapers have taken note of this – but what with all this fake news and stuff, there’s no telling if any Republicans even read the newspaper.

My guess is that this has something to do with it. The Houston Chronicle did not mince words.

Campaigns have become aggressive in signing up monthly donors to create a steadier stream of funding. On President Donald Trump’s campaign website, donors are given the option of checking a box to make their one-time donation or a monthly contribution.

Cruz has a similar feature on his website, but with a key difference. Instead of giving people the chance to opt-in to a monthly donation by checking a box, supporters are automatically enrolled in monthly donations unless they un-check a box.

Ted Cruz is slicker than an eel dipped in axel grease, Honey.

By the way, his opponent, who has out-raised him $13 million to $9 million hasn’t exceeded limits even once.

(The Houston Chronicle has the best story on this.)

Thanks to Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen for the heads up.