The news media has found a 56 year old man at the Oregon headquarters of Vanilla Isil.  He’s fully armed, sitting under a tarp in a damn rocking chair, awaiting the enviable battle with federal agents over snacks, clean socks, and that their fraternity brothers don’t go the jail for burning federal land.

It’s quite a sight.

The response on Twitter has been fast and funny.

For example:

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He’s threatening to shoot any federal agent who pulls a gun on him.

He does know that he can’t see them, right?  He does know that they can walk right by him, right?

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Y’all, Jeb! Bush just lost his damn mind.

Get a load of this crapola.

Republican presidential candidate Jeb Bush said on Tuesday that his brother, George W. Bush, is still “very popular” and could join his struggling campaign.

Places where George Bush is very popular and could help his brother:

1. Punch line of jokes.
2. The Paint-By-Numbers Art School
3. His home. Oops. No. Latest polls find him significantly behind the dog and a package of Gorton’s Fish Sticks in the freezer.
4. Comedic retrospectives
5. Slipping significantly from very popular to barely tolerable at the Bubbles Car Wash near his house.

Okay, with all the Republican Presidential candidates trying to out-Jesus each other, Ted Cruz has taken to quoting scripture at every stop.

For example …

Ted Cruz’s six-day bus trip in Iowa launched as more of religious revival tour than a presidential barnstorm.

The Steeple People see this election as a holy war.  When you see Donald Trump, Donald Trump I say, calling Bill Clinton names over his sex life and offering prayers out loud, then you know this world is officially a damn crazy place.

But back to Ted Cruz. His father proclaims that Ted is here to fulfill Biblical prophesy for the end times.  And to think I was proud of my son when he could go potty by himself.

But there’s rumors in Iowa that Ted Cruz is a … dare I even say it … send the children out of the room … a … Catholic.

But despite his outward displays of his belief, Cruz, the favorite in Iowa, is facing a whisper campaign of sorts from his Republican opponents: He’s Christian, but not Christian enough.

Donald Trump has cryptically questioned whether Cuba raises true evangelicals, pondering aloud whether Cruz is actually a Catholic. Ben Carson’s closest aide has argued that Cruz’s faith isn’t as native to him as Carson’s is to him. And a pair of back-of-the-pack contenders, Mike Huckabee and Rick Santorum, charge that Cruz is prioritizing wrong-headed Constitutional commitments over long-held Christian ones.

I thought we settled this in 1960. Have been asleep since then?

I think they’re all a mess of Pharisees.

Thanks to Bryan for the heads up.

Texas Republican Congressman John Culbertson, who is chairman of the Appropriations subcommittee that oversees the Justice Department, is throwing a walleyed snot nose snack-infested hissy damn fit over the common sense gun restrictions that President Obama and 71% of Americans favor.

By Gawd, you cannot keep John Culbertson from anonymously buying guns from a company run out of Jim Bob’s garage that he found on the back page of comic books. That’s his constitutional right!

Culbertson is threatening to defund the Justice Department if the Attorney General Loretta Lynch enforces any gun restrictions.

This comes from the state where a Republican state house member says that we cannot take Syrian refugees because it’s “too easy to buy guns in Texas.”

So Texas is handing out guns to terrorists and the best John Culbertson can do about that is to threaten Loretta Lynch.

Another big tough guy with a brain the size of a flea on a skinny dog.

“I have formally notified Attorney General Lynch that I will aggressively protect our Second Amendment rights using Congress’ power of the purse,” he added. “I notified the attorney general that if the Department of Justice attempted to create new restrictions on our Constitutional rights that I would use every tool at my disposal to immediately restrict their access to federal funding.”

The only purpose that served is that all the guys at the NRA headquarters now have erections.

Thanks to Larry for the heads up.

Okay, so like it’s not bad enough that those tough-guys think they are all dangerous and fearsome revolutionary leaders then they take over a damn unguarded and empty bird sanctuary.

What do they want? Snacks!  When do they want it?  Now!

I am not making this up.

They say that they have been planning this for months, and bragged that they were ready to stay “for years”.  It’s Day Two and they are already out of snacks.

Here’s how this went down:

Guns – check

Ammo – check

Flags – check

Cheetos – dammit, I knew we forgot something.

They want you to mail them snacks. This means that the same guys who want to overthrow the federal government have complete faith that the federal government can deliver their mail.

And socks.  They want socks.  So far it’s hard to tell if they’ll give in over lack of Oreos or become overwhelmed by the odor of stinky socks.

These guys are my new hobby.