Tennessee has my favorite story of the year.

A Kingsport woman told police she was counterfeiting money because she read online that President Barack Obama made a new law allowing her to print her own money, according to a police report.

Pamela Downs, 45, of Kingsport, Tennessee, tried to pass a counterfeit $5 bill at a local grocery.  The clerk got suspicious and called the police.  Downs claimed to have received the $5 bill at a gas station a few days before.

Downs was asked by the officer if her purse could be searched, to which she agreed. Inside her purse, the officer found a $100 which was also counterfeit, according to the report. The bill was printed in black and white and the backside of the bill was upside down.

A couple of receipts from Walmart were also found inside the purse, showing Downs had purchased copy paper and a printer.

Uh oh.  Red damn handed.

Downs was then placed in handcuffs. Downs then reportedly said, “I don’t give a ****, all these other bitches get to print money so I can too.”

Yeah, the other bitches.

She then told officers she read online that President Obama had made a new law that permitted her to print her own money because she is on a fixed income, the report stated.

Thanks, Obama.

Down then signed a consent to search waiver, which officers executed at her apartment. Inside they found several items consistent with being used to print counterfeit currency including paper, scissors, glue and a printer. All the items were seized and put into evidence.

Several more counterfeit bills, both cut and uncut, were located at the apartment. Officers estimated the total to be around $30,000 to $50,000.

I’m asking you: is that just not the perfect story?  I just flat love that story.

Thanks to MB for the heads up.

Y’all, he’s stoopid.

Trump tweeted.

The troops at the bottom of the picture?  Nazis.

Really.

He deleted the tweet and blamed it on an intern!  An intern.  He has an intern tweeting for him.

Thanks to William for the heads up.

Old white people in Texas have all gone nuts.

They want to put secession on the March Republican primary ballot, along with repealing the law of gravity and making knuckled-dragging an Olympic sport.

Do they realize where their social security checks come from?

Yes, Tyler is the heart of East Texas and Louie Gohmert’s congressional district.

From customer Richard, we get this information —

Did I ever tell you about the sewer-pipe crosses of Clarendon? Clarendon is a town of almost 2,000 people between Amarillo and Wichita Falls on US 287. Someone there discovered that crosses can be made from PVC pipe, not ordinary water pipe, but 5 inch sewer pipe, and that led to this:

(Click the little ones to see the big ones.)

This one is on the main drag (US 287) in front of a locally owned pharmacy. In the background you can see the one in front of the Family Dollar store. There are approximately 50 similar crosses on US287 within the city limits, and another dozen or more outside the city. Here is one at the Sonic Drive-in.

And in threes for saving the souls of dead gophers I suppose.

And in front of homes …

And in pastures.

Just so there’s no mistaking, Clarendon, Texas, makes sure that directly under the welcome from the Chamber of Commerce, there’s a Jesus warning.

Welcome to Clarendon. You’re going to hell.

I don’t know about you people from foreign states, but in Texas religious symbols made with sewer pipes is pretty much considered normal.

It’s to remind you that Jesus doesn’t put up with your crap.

Thanks to Richard for the heads up.

Y’all, a miracle has happened for Rick Perry.  It must have been all that praying he’s been doing.

Perry hasn’t been real successful raising money to be President.  He’s only got about $1.07  million which puts him in the bottom puddle of Republican presidential candidates.

But then there was this miracle in the form of his Super-PAC.  Holy stash!  That sucker has been tampered with in the form of $16.8 million dollars.  And the biggest miracle maker is also Rick Perry’s employer – mega rich Texas oilman even by Texas oilman standards – Energy Transfer Partners’ CEO Kelcy Warren.  Most folks figure he’s worth at least $6 billion with a b.

Warren also picked Perry to sit on the board of his company so Perry can draw a paycheck while running for President.

But, there’s more to this miracle.

In addition to ponying up the most money for the super PAC’s, Warren is working for the official campaign as its finance chairman.

You know how Super PACs and official campaigns aren’t supposed to organize or even discuss what each other is doing?  Well, who else but Rick Perry would be blessed with a rich man who isn’t speaking to himself!  I’m telling ya – it’s a damn miracle!

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

For you people in foreign states, the good men and women of the Texas Hostile Territory Jade Helm Watch want to give you a ringside seat to the Apocalypse.

They have a Facebook page, including the YouTube of airplanes on July 4th and the Kileen Police Department preparing for house to house raids (apparently the police are in on this now, too).

Oh the good times have begun.