You know, for a guy in a state that is almost totally owned by Republicans, Rick Perry is having one tough job with the judicial system.

Remember how I told you that Perry and his writ twits wanted a list of all the people who testified against him at the grand jury?

Well, they got their answer.  In legal terms the answer is – does a chicken have lips?

No.  The judge said No.

I don’t think he’s gotten a Yes even once.  I mean, Darlin’, the law of judicial averages says that the judge is going to be distracted and holler, “oh hell yes” at least every now and then.

Perry keeps saying that he wants to go to trial and clear his name.  So, tee that sucker up, Rick.  Let’s get this rodeo on the road.

Y’all have heard me talk about Texas Republican Congressman Smokey Joe Barton a couple dozen times.  His seat tray is not in the full, upright, and locked position.

He’s called Smokey Joe because he’s in the hip pocket of the petroleum industry.

He’s also a details man.

Barton on Wednesday successfully changed the bill number for his legislation repealing a decades-old ban on crude oil exports from 666, a figure frequently tied to the antichrist and Satanism, to the more anodyne 702.

“It quickly became clear that the original bill number carried many different negative connotations,” Barton spokesman Sean Brown said in an email. “We decided it was best to change it so people will focus on the content of the legislation, not the bill number.”

Yeah, because repealing the ban on exports of crude oil is evil enough with announcing Armageddon.

Thanks to Jan for the heads up. 

There’s a guy in Texas named Kory Watkins.  I ain’t saying he’s crazy, but … okay, I’m saying he’s crazy.

He’s the guy with a posse who marched into the Capitol of Texas on the opening day and proceeded to threaten Democratic State Representative Poncho Nevarez.  The next day, the state house voted to install panic buttons in each representative’s office but the citizens of Texas didn’t get one, which doesn’t seem fair to me.

Within a week, Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick, who has said that Open Carry was dead this session, was meeting with Kory Watkins in his state office.  Seriously.  They let this guy into the capitol again and gave him bragging rights.

Here’s the selfie of that meeting that Watkins posted online.

So now I know how to get Dan Patrick to do what I want: go threaten Poncho.

So now Dan Patrick has said he will most likely bring and open carry bill to the house floor.

Kory Watkins wants open carry for everybody – convicted felons, people with mental health problems, wife whackers, everybody.  

Here is part of Kory Watkin’s response to the idea that the bill may come to the house floor after all.

Texans, I’m tired of jackin’ around. I’m tired of playing politically correct games. I’m tired of saying “Well, this is chess, and we gotta take this slowly.” No no no no. This isn’t a game. This is reality. And these are our rights that they’re playing with. Okay? And I don’t know if they forgot what their duty is but it’s to protect the Constitution. And lemme remind you. Going against the Constitution is treason. And my friend, that is punishable by death. That’s how serious this is…

I don’t think they wanna mess with us too much longer. They better start giving us our rights, or this peaceful non-cooperation stuff is gonna be, uh, gamed up. We’re gonna step it up a notch. I think here in Texas we’re tired of jackin’ around with people in suits who think that they can take away freedoms in the name of safety…

Yeah, we don’t need no stinkin’ safety.  And killing people who oppose you is your constitutional duty.

Screw open carry.  I want a drone, dammit.  How do they expect me to overthrow an oppressive government without a drone?  And some nukes.  A tank or two.

In your wildest dreams, can you imagine Ann Richards or Bob Bullock craving to a bully like that?  We have got to quit electing Republican wussies.  We do.

Thanks to Mollusk for the heads up.

Ann Coulter is a one woman wrecking crew who is trying to fill the leadership vacuum in the “anti-education” lobby.

Get this:

Ann Coulter is not a fan of President Obama’s plan to provide tuition-free community college, or of federal college loans in general. Coulter told Florida radio host Joyce Kaufman on Monday that such programs are just a “scam” to “subsidize the most left-wing industry in America, that spends its days indoctrinating kids to hate Republicans.”

“And to hate white people,” Kaufman added. “The whole white privilege thing that’s going on there is killing me.”

That’s interesting considering that 99.99% of Republican doctors and lawyers went to college.  The .01% is Rand Paul.

Rick Perry is not lying.  It’s just that “arithmetic” and “remembering” are not his top two stellar Presidential skills.  His third not-top-tier expertness is “logic.”  (If you are reading this aloud to someone, be sure to use air quotes where needed and point out that I, unlike Mr. Perry, can almost always remember three words at once.)

Jumping on the Measles bandwagon, Perry boasted —

“Our vaccination rate in Texas [in 2000] was 65 percent. When I left two weeks ago, it was 95 percent.”

– Former Texas governor Rick Perry (R), in an interview with The Washington Post and the Texas Tribune, Feb. 5, 2015

Hell, I’d loan him my new truck if that were true.

It, of course, ain’t.

Perry’s “proof” is that in 2002 the immunization rate for children under age 3 was 65 percent but now, after Texas has been Perryized, the rate for children entering kindergarten in 2014 is 97%.

Okay, see, that’s like saying in 2002, only 5% of people under the age of 20 needed glasses but in 2014, that jumped to 80% for people over the age of 70.  So, we can deduce that Perry causes bad vision.

It is the age group under 3 years old who need the vaccine most.  Those numbers are as follows:

2000: 63.5 percent

2013: 72.5 percent.

And the rate of vaccinated children has actually declined since 2007.

Why would that be?

Dragsbaek said that Perry had an excellent record on promoting vaccination. In 2003 he signed a bill that made it easier for parents to cite philosophical objections to giving children vaccines, but even so, “my experience has been that Governor Perry was a fairly strong pro-vaccine governor,” she said.

Bless his heart.  This thinking stuff is real hard.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

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