Every single time John Boehner opens his mouth, I do not hear a human voice.  Instead, I hear the sound of a spoon being pounded against a high chair tray.

He is a child having a hissy for to be fed … with attention.  So he’s suing the President.  Of all the asinine things to do.  We’ve got a a million problems but Boehner wants to take depositions.

Boehner writes …

But too often over the past five years, the President has circumvented the American people and their elected representatives through executive action, changing and creating his own laws, and excusing himself from enforcing statutes he is sworn to uphold — at times even boasting about his willingness to do it, as if daring the American people to stop him.

Uh, maybe I’m delusional but it seems to me that Republicans dared the American people to stop President Obama in November of 2012 and we replied, “Hey, kiss our big blue butts.”

Okay, so I went searching for some numbers.  In 2012, even without an opponent, 239,221 citizens of Ohio voted for Boehner.

In 2012, Barak Obama got 65,899,660 votes.

But, Boehner claims that he speaks for “the American people.”  All 239,221 of them.

So, here’s what I’m saying.  Barack Obama is not daring the American people to stop him.  He’s daring the gerrymander Republican congress to stop the American people.

Hey, Boehner, you’re a son of a motherless goat.  So sue me, too, Cheetos.

You wanna know the best thing that happened all year?

Steve Stockman is leaving congress.  Hell, if he’d leave Texas, I’ll buy the damn ticket.

Get a load of this crapola.

Yeah, because liberals love to go backwards.

Here’s his reasoning ….

“Civilization is a society in which the rights of the individual trump the whims of the majority,” Stockman added. “This ruling is a reminder liberals seek to drag us back to Stone Age tribalism in which one can be subjugated to the tribe as a whole.”

Okay, see that there doesn’t make sense.  And there’s a reason it doesn’t:  Steve Stockman thought it up.

Yep, birth control is nothing more than a feminine whim.

Hey Stockman, how about being subjugated to the Super DeLux Brand Christian Tribe?

Y’all, he’s drunk most of the time.  I don’t know that for a fact but it’s what I just gotta believe.  I mean, nobody that crazy would be allowed to carry a gun, right?

Thanks to Barbara for the heads up.

Rick Perry has to study-up to be dumb.

I swear on all that is holy that he’s been taking America-lessons for the past two years so he can run for President and be two IQ points smarter than Sarah Palin.

It didn’t work.

Dumb as a sack of hammers.

Texas Gov. Rick Perry (R) is not backing away from a conspiracy theory he recently floated about the Obama administration somehow coordinating the surge of immigrants coming over the border for some unknown reason.

Perry recently suggested on Fox News that the Obama administration might be “in on this somehow” and helping move immigrants over the border. Asked about that statement on Sunday, Perry didn’t back away.

What?  President Obama is going to use refugees from a Central America drug war to herd us all into underground bunker reeducation camps ruled by the New World Order in Roswell, New Mexico, with Janet Reno’s, the woman who shot Kennedy,  black helicopters hovering overhead?

Well, crap Rick, everybody knows that.  Just go ahead and say it.

And by the way, please make Rick quit torturing the English language.  In an attempt not to end a sentence with a preposition, we get this …

I have to believe that when you do not respond in any way, that you are either inept, or you have some ulterior motive of which you are functioning from,” Perry said on ABC’s “This Week” on Sunday.

Nice try, Dumbo, but you could have ended the sentence at the word “motive.”

I’ll give somebody fifty dollars cash American money to go convince him that he’s already been President and now it’s time to go to the ranch and paint pictures of himself in the bathtub.

I mean it.

The Mayor of Murietta, California, says his city is not responsible for the folks who showed up to turn around the busses.

Yeah, yeah, they all came from Ohio.

Mayor Alan Long explains thusly …

“I guarantee you, if a bus were to arrive at the Murietta border patrol and those aliens were here, you would see that we would treat them with compassion. And the unfortunate part is that never occurred. This is a democracy, for whatever reason, the bus was turned around,” Long said. “I can’t speak for the rest of the world that showed up on our doorsteps.”

Okay, first of all, they are not “those aliens.”  They didn’t come from Mars.   They are people.  Force yourself, Mayor Long, to use the people when discussing … oh, I dunno, people.

Second off, in a democracy, the busses would not have been turned around.  This was not democracy.  This was mob rule.

Third off, where was your behind when this happened, Mr. Mayor?  And why were you on teevee calling the transfer, “a failure of federal law” and arguing against it days before the arrival of the busses?  And why was national news interviewing your citizens saying how much they didn’t want the busses?

Whoa, whoa, Skippy, you lit the fuze.  You’re responsible for the bomb.

You can’t back this one up, Mr. Mayor, and blame the people of Ohio or Nebraska.

Y’all, not all Texans are crazy.  I know it seems that way because the ones on teevee look like they escaped from the attic.

We actually have some sane people in Texas.  Even in Dallas.

Armed with guitars instead of guns, this Independence Day, hundreds of musicians – and music fans – used satire and songs to protest the Open Carry Gun movement.

They have a Facebook page and pictures.

A guy named Barry Kooda (see what he did there?) got it all together.

I love yew, Texas.

Thanks to Grace for the heads up.

Satire is dead.  Republicans killed it.  Nah, they didn’t just kill it.  They killed it, drug it through town and then cooked it and ate it.

Many of you, like me, thought this was true because it. sounds. like. her.

It’s satire.  See?

They ruined my life.