So, you wanna see Rick Perry and Sean Hannity protecting our border from unaccompanied 3 to 16 year old refugees. Bullet proof vests and heavy artillery.

And now you know why President Obama wouldn’t go.

Big tough guys.

Our friend Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen has a hobby besides flipping burgers.  Well, and tending his beer can collection.  And, his velvet painting art classes.  And, totally ignoring soccer.  Anyway, he’s a busy guy but not too busy to keep an eye on how politicians get and spend campaign donations.

As you know, Alfredo heads straight for Louie Gohmert’s because they are the most entertaining.

Take these latest expenditure.

There has got to be an interesting story behind this expense.

And you’ll be happy to know that Louie’s campaign bought a brand new car for Louie.  It’s a Buick.  Probably red.

But, probably because the old one broke down too much.

According to Louie’s report, he bought a desk from the WalMart PAC.  Neither Alfredo or I have ever seen anything like that before.

But, there is a video explaining how in this case, Louie gets everything for nothing.

Thanks to Alfredo and Brian for the heads up.

I will admit this is not the first time that Rick Perry has confused me.

Okay, so let’s start out with the dead certain guaranteed fact that Perry hates the federal government, often threatens to secede, and says that Texas doesn’t need the federal government, no sire, not even to help take care of our sick children by accepting $100 billion in Medicaid money.

But, he’s begging for federal help with the border?

I would go for that if every new federal border patrol agent could bring a couple million dollars of Medicaid money under each arm.

You know, there are more border patrol agents on the border under Obama than there were under Bush.

And that doesn’t seem to be working.

So, Perry, who thinks the federal government does nothing right, wants more federal government.

No wonder he’s grumpy.

Click the little one to get the big one.  You have to see Perry’s face.

Think he was mad because Obama got a table tag that said, “I’m President and you’re not”?

Or maybe because he knew the American flag would be in every picture of him and he wants to secede?

Okay, you guy can chip in and help me write my Outsmart column this month.  I’ve got a decent start so offer suggestions for Twenty Reason the GOP is Avoiding Texas.

As you’ve heard by now, the national Republicans chose to have their 2016 Presidential convention in Cleveland, Ohio, rather than Dallas, Texas.

There’s a good reason for that.  Texas Republicans.  Seriously, think about it.  Texas Republicans are so flatass crazy that other Republicans don’t want to be seen around them.  Texas Republicans are the crazy uncle you lock in the attic.  Our Republicans are the wackiest damn Republicans in America.

So here’s the reasons National Republicans won’t come to Texas.

1.  They heard that we barbeque Teslas.

2.  Successful gay mayor in Houston.  Totally a Democrat.

3.  Successful Hispanic mayor in San Antonio.  I mean, like Mexican.  Totally a Democrat.

4.  Unsuccessful Dopey Governor in Austin.  Republican.

5.  Fact:  Louie Gohmert is considered normal in East Texas.  Okay, maybe not normal, but not highly abnormal either.

6.  Now forcing crude oil use on bicycles.  Pedal and spill it.

7.  Ted Cruz wants to declare war against Mexico, and just to be safe, New Mexico.

8.  Sarah Palin once described Texas as, “where the dumb people live.”

9.  The humidity is sometimes described as “involuntary baptism.”

10.  We have outlawed the singing of “I’m Proud To Be An American” because it has the word America in it.  We don’t like America.  There are muslims in America.

11.  You know the myth that every Texan carries a gun strapped to their leg?  No longer a myth.

12.  Wanted a skeet shooting contest at the convention replace the roll call vote.

You gotta have more…..

There’s gotta be a Drill, Baby, Drill joke in here somewhere.

Loopy Louie Gohmert has a solution to the humanitarian crisis on the border:  shoot them.

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX) linked the thousands of Central American immigrants to both Mexican revolutionaries and terrorists during an interview with radio host Dan Maduri, and argued that President Barack Obama should use military force to keep them out of the U.S.

Louie served 4 years in the Army JAG corps and now he thinks it’s time to go Rambo on little children.

Then Louie goes into a completely wrong, wrong, wrong story about General Pershing and Poncho Villa in 1916.  Of course, Gohmert thinks we’re still living in 1916.  And he forgets that Villa won.

But, the best part is that Gohmert says the real problem is all the terrorists coming across the border.  That is so not true.

According to a recent Department of Homeland Security study, there are relatively few crossings of the Mexican border by individuals from countries other than Mexico and Latin America. The Canadian border (which is 2,000 miles longer and largely unpatrolled) is considered more vulnerable to terrorist crossings followed by the threat from people who come into the US on airplanes using valid visas or forged papers.

Also missing is the small detail that Gohmert supported The William Wilberforce Act, the act that Gohmert now wants to impeach the President for enforcing.

Meanwhile, both Galveston and League City have banned undocumented immigrant children from entering their city.  I have no idea if the children will be shot on sight or be given some measure of due process.  I don’t think the city councils have thought that through either.