Yo Ted, this is God speaking to you. The voices in your head? Not me.
Believe it or not, I have better things to do than to talk personally to some lame-brained narcissistic misfit. More important things like … I dunno … the Astros. The Astros are in last place by six games. It’s gonna take more than a six buggy prayer meeting to fill that ballpark.
Ted, you and I both know that outrage has replaced foreplay in old white Republican people. I know that you know that because you keep feeding it to them. Like that whole Doin’ Away With the First Amendment thing. Ho boy, I gotta hand it to you – that really got those old white hearts pumping. Worked better than Viagra on about half of them.
Now, both of us know full well that campaign finance reform ain’t got diddle squat to do with free speech. But you spread phony outrage as your bread on the waters because you sure as hell ain’t gonna use your money as I commanded in Ecclesiastes 11:1.
Ted, dammit, if I was the voice in your head, you wouldn’t be so bean dip dumb.
Then there’s your misuse of my people by saying that the Democrats want to muzzle preachers. Hell, Ted, I would like to muzzle about half of them myself.
Preachers are free to say anything they like, but the minute they cross that church and state line, they have to pay taxes unto Caesar. Ted, you evil little mastermind, I know what you’re doing. If the church can get involved in the state, then the state can get involved in the church. Most of my followers do not want the United States Senate monitoring their church. But, I can see why you do.
And that Dad of yours? Son, get him some help.
Well, that’s it for today but I’ll be seeing you in the sweet by and by. In case you have a hard time finding me, I’m the hungry sick child who is doing without food or healthcare in the greatest nation on earth. I don’t think you’ve ever looked over this way before.
God