Listen Up, Ted
Yo Ted, this is God speaking to you. The voices in your head? Not me.
Believe it or not, I have better things to do than to talk personally to some lame-brained narcissistic misfit. More important things like … I dunno … the Astros. The Astros are in last place by six games. It’s gonna take more than a six buggy prayer meeting to fill that ballpark.
Ted, you and I both know that outrage has replaced foreplay in old white Republican people. I know that you know that because you keep feeding it to them. Like that whole Doin’ Away With the First Amendment thing. Ho boy, I gotta hand it to you – that really got those old white hearts pumping. Worked better than Viagra on about half of them.
Now, both of us know full well that campaign finance reform ain’t got diddle squat to do with free speech. But you spread phony outrage as your bread on the waters because you sure as hell ain’t gonna use your money as I commanded in Ecclesiastes 11:1.
Ted, dammit, if I was the voice in your head, you wouldn’t be so bean dip dumb.
Then there’s your misuse of my people by saying that the Democrats want to muzzle preachers. Hell, Ted, I would like to muzzle about half of them myself.
Preachers are free to say anything they like, but the minute they cross that church and state line, they have to pay taxes unto Caesar. Ted, you evil little mastermind, I know what you’re doing. If the church can get involved in the state, then the state can get involved in the church. Most of my followers do not want the United States Senate monitoring their church. But, I can see why you do.
And that Dad of yours? Son, get him some help.
Well, that’s it for today but I’ll be seeing you in the sweet by and by. In case you have a hard time finding me, I’m the hungry sick child who is doing without food or healthcare in the greatest nation on earth. I don’t think you’ve ever looked over this way before.
God
AMEN. Any time somebody says God told them to do something, I immediately get suspicious. Another one is “I don’t need Bible classes, God speaks directly to me through the Bible.” Huh. She steadfastly refused to believe that local customs at the time AND our local customs had a lot to do with how we read the Bible. I finally said “Yeah, God speaks to me through the Bible too, but I need to understand the history of when it was written.” We finally agreed to disagree. Just put your contribution in the local campaign for somebody the Kochs are fighting. That is the custom.
1A Republican hears voices in his head. These voices are always interpreted as messages from God. Despite the fact that the messages direct the Republican to do crazy, stupid or evil things. Republican psychopathology.
2Somebody else go read the link about Ted Cruz and the First Amendment, otherwise I will just sit here and froth at the mouth all morning. I know otherwise good and kind folks who love Ted Cruz. I wonder if they God is talking to them now too. Quick! Somebody else!
3First Amendment – Legal Information Institute
4http://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/first_amendment
Legal Information Institute
first amendment: an overview The First Amendment of the United States … with the right of free speech where it attempts to regulate the content of the speech.
Bill of Rights – Commercial Speech – Obscenity – Fighting Words
Thanks, Monty. I’m gonna go get another cup of coffee and wade through the training manual about election day. Four freakin’ hours of training on electronic equipment which works right if you do every single thing in exactly the right order, plus two fat training manuals to each person. Yeah. Dammit, y’all go out and knock on doors.
5You know, there used to be places we had in abundance that a person like Ted could be “placed” where he wouldn’t be able to harm himself or anyone else . . . .
But Ronald Reagan had most of them closed–obviously foreseeing the rise of the teabaggers.
6Unfortunately, when God whispers little nothings in the ears of “true believers” they often seem to wind up being things like “you need to fly a plane into a building”, “you’d look really hot with a vest full of dynamite”, “are you sure you’ve got enough guns and extended magazines to teach those heathens a lesson?”.
7@ Marge: Train well. The computer programs are very inflexible (as they should be) but may not cover some common mistakes that can lead to some interesting situations.
Went to vote early in run off elections in Collin County, TX. ID, check. Voter registration card, check. Big ink stamp, DEMOCRAT, on card, check. Issued plastic key card for machine, check. Start program, chec…WHOA! Republican run off ballot?!? Mayhem at the polling place as no one seems to know how to correct this. Decision is to let ballot time out, thus negating ballot(i had not voted). Then issue proper key card for Democratic run off ballot which I did complete.
Seems that they were so used to Republicans voting there that a Democrat threw them for a loop.
Wonder if I get a visit from state police for trying to “vote twice” and becoming a poster boy for T-idiots.
8i know god talks to pat robertson and ted cruz but he shure has fun playing with their minds!
9If God really talked to him he would at least told him to bathe. He always looks grimy and greasy. I read he had a hygiene problem.
he’s a very disturbed man. he’s a joke and a first class con man. he’s one of issa’s slimy little shit-starter that can’t shoot straight Crazy.
10You can tell an extremist by looking at who is farther from center than they are.
Who is farther from center than Ted?
The Klan. . .no.
The Birchers. . .no.
The American Nazi Party. . .maybe.
If he is not an extremist, the word has no meaning.
11If I said I heard voices they woud come and lock me up. how do Pols. get away with it?
12Oh yeah one more thing:
Does he even attend church? The Canadian didn’t become a full US citizen until months after he was elected into office.
A lot of gop claim they talk to their god and he answers them (see K-Street love fest.) Funny how their god has their personality.
They don’t do wrong their god does wrong. See reagan and bush for example.
13Knocked it out of the park today, JJ – thanks!
“I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires.” — Susan B. Anthony
14How does he know it’s god speaking to him. What if it’s the devil?
15Pretty much everybody who hears voices in their head is someone I don’t want in charge of a gumball machine, much less any political office. And all those folks who said last time that God wanted them to be President– how’d that work out for ’em?
Ray’s right. People who “hear God talking to them in their heads” are dangerous jackwagons who should be kept away from anything sharper than a rubber ball. (With any luck they’ll swallow it and we’ll be relieved of the problem.)
16Cruz-what a kidder.I knocked on his noggin with a Louisville Sleeper and twarn’t nobody home ‘cepting a cuckoo,cuckoo,cuckoo.
17There is no doubt in my mind that Ted Cruz, and his daddy, both hear voices in their heads.
There is also no doubt in my mind….. it isn’t GOD talking to them……. it’s just voices in their heads.
Some folks seek some kind of therapy for that.
Just sayin’
18You know what would be a great debate format?:
a debate between all the Republican candidates who say that God wants them to be president.
The moderator could explain that in this election cycle, at least, only one of them (and maybe not even one) could be correct.
Then let each candidate explain how he/she is the Chosen One.
19The voice in my head tells me that Ted Cruz is an extremist nutjob. Is it the voice of God? No, it’s the voice of reason and sanity.
20OldMayfly — Now THAT would be entertaining. I don’t normally watch reality shows, but I would surely enjoy that! Oh, wait, I just used “reality” incorrectly — sorry.
21eplatypus: Wish I could knock on his noggin with a Louisville Slugger. No bunting, swing away. Ah, home run.
22Cruz is talkin’ to his ownself. Given his delusions of grandeur, it must be God. Teddy boy thinks he is that important.
Arrogant a$$hole.
the Rethugs pray? Only if their god is Mars.
23Many people think the commandment against taking God’s name in vain refers to cursing. Maybe so, but I think it means more than that – like saying things about God.
On the other hand: The people saying God told them to run for President, for example. Just because God told them to run for President (if that really happened, and wasn’t just their idea), God didn’t necessarily want them to win.
I think of a story told me by a friend: A man told her (she was a widow) God told him to marry her. She replied that she would wait till God told her to marry him.
24Ted, that’s not God talking. It’s your own inner cranium on Cruz control.
25Matfly, it would be a short debate if it is anything like the very old social psychology book by Rokeach, The Three Christs of Ysilanti. Three delusional hospitalized psy. patients each believing themselves to be Christ were transferred to the same ward in an Ysilanti Psy. Hosp. Each one claimed the other two were false.
26God talks to Ted? There’s medication for that.
27Bean dip dumb? LOL, that’s unfair to bean dip.
28Gypsycrone reminds me of an entry in “How to know it’s going to be a long day at the Emergency Room”:
Somebody put the patient who thinks he’s Jesus in the same room with the patient who thinks he’s Satan.
(I know which one I think Cruz really is.)
29Gypsycrone reminds me of an entry in “How to know it’s going to be a long day at the Emergency Room”:
Somebody put the patient who thinks he’s Jesus in the same room with the patient who thinks he’s Satan.
(I know which one I think Cruz really is.)
30Comments? Have fun.
The New Populism Conference – Campaign For America’s …
31ourfuture.org/thenewpopulismconference
Campaign for America’s Future
delivers the keynote address at The New Populism conference. HIGHLIGHTS. • Sen. Elizabeth Warren: “The New Populism Is A Fight for America’s Values” … ROBERT BOROSAGE, Co-Director, Campaign for America’s Future. 10 a.m., The …
Okay–I have to admit that I have had the experience of God talking to me. (In my head) The very first thing I did was contact a friend who is a head doctor. After some work together, he told me he thought it was God speaking…it was the beginning of a strange and bizarre experiences that have culminated in me being recognized as an ecstatic mystic…one foot on each side of the veil, and showing up in other people’s lives (saving two from being really hurt–one’s car blew up–the other was falling asleep at the wheel and I came to them in visions and saved them…so…) as the real thing, I’m very skeptical of my own hearing (it has always and only been for others good–no dang lottery tickets!!) and it’s actions that count, not words, so very, very, wary of others who seem to profit off of what they hear…just saying…it’s not fun, awful sometimes, and complete strangers feel safe enough to break down completely (confess their sins, look for absolution or understanding, and need blessing) so unless someone’s having that kind of stuff happen, don’t believe them at all. I don’t!!
32Whether I believe someone who says God spoke to them depends on what they said God said.
If they say “God spoke to me and I realized I’ve been a selfish twit, so focused on growing my own stock portfolio that I never noticed how rough a time other people had…so I realized I had enough to retire on and now I’m working full-time as a volunteer for Habitat for Humanity/the area food bank/visiting the sick and prisoners…” then I’m likely to think “They got the Road to Damascus treatment and it took.”
If they say “God told me I’m His chosen vessel to remake the world into a paradise for the rich and all the rest will have to serve them or else…I am destined to be made President and the World Leader…” then I think a) WRONG, b) wishful thinking, c) narcissistic personality on steroids and maybe also d) lying scumsucking SOB.
If they say “God came to me at church camp and it felt so warm and fuzzy and I think I have a Call,” I know the discernment committee will figure out if that’s so, or it was adolescent glow from singing around the campfire and feeling safe and loved for once.
My own two absolute smackdowns by the Almighty, complete with audiovisual effects, were a) unsought, b) totally unexpected, and c) confronted me with myself and demanded action that was not what I’d planned…but on the side of serving others, not lording it over them. Now maybe they were just brain-farts, but given the long-term outcome (one was 45 years ago, and one was about 31 years ago) I’m on the side of “religious experiences are rare, but do exist.” There is of course no proof (that’s why it’s called “belief”) but I am not the person I would have been without those two and some others that did not involve the audiovisual but what one might call “learning experiences.” The rest of the time God is near but not pulling all the strings, much like a parent who gives a kid construction toys and looks in regularly to see that they’re not being used to bash little sister.
33If God talks in Ted’s head how on earth can He stand all the echoes?
34I wonder if God is telling Cruz to recant his endorsement of Ken Paxton for AG….
35God aint that stupid.
36Ted? Nah, he’s just another Daffy Raffy, like his daddy.
May Daffy Raffy enter the Urban Dictionary and inner-tubes in the same way Dan Savage defined Santorum.
Daffy Raffy, junior and senior, #crazy daffy raffy
Daffy Raffy, polite for crazy religious cretin.
37