Texas Ellen

People who can write and perform political parodies are a gift to all of us.  These sites may be more amusing than the Republican speakers and can be used as alternative, personal programming.

The Raging Grannies have a few words for Todd Akin.
http://raginggrannies.net/

The Capitol Steps have been doing DC parodies for about 30 years, now they are on YouTube.
www.capsteps.com

The Cinders of Ayn Rand by Marcy Shaffer is witty and amusing, as are most of the economic parodies on this site www.versusplus.com/

With love from Texas Ellen aka as your cousin, EClaire.

Bubba, Jr., has moved to El Lay out there in heathen California.  He sends street wisdom.

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Texas Ellen

The National Republican Convention had to have known that seating the Texas delegation, and the rest of the Ron Paul delegates, in the back of the hall would lead to whining, eye-rolling, hissy fits. The Texas Delegation is up in arms over a Romney lawyer sliding a rule change in that would allow a presidential campaign to replace elected delegates with “chosen” (read big checkbook) delegates.  In both parties, the folks who do the most work planting lawn signs, holding fundraising carwashes,  block walking, telephoning, etc. tend to be the folks that other folks want to elect.  Now it looks like the Romney folks think that money should be worth more than sweat equity.

The Ron Paul delegates are particularly unamused.   Those folks may be youngish and not particularly wealthy, but Lord knows they have energy and a stick-to-it ethic.  So far, The Chronicle, Salon and the International Business Times have detected a disturbance in the force.   If the pack of bored journalists jump on this, that Convention could become lively.

http://blog.chron.com/txpotomac/2012/08/ron-paul-delegates-get-worse-seats-than-republicans-from-guam-samoa/

http://www.salon.com/2012/08/27/texan_gop_delegation_revolts/

http://www.ibtimes.com/articles/377869/20120827/ron-paul-delegates-republican-national-convention-seating.htm

It is unclear if she’s an Aggie.

COLLEGE STATION (AP) — Authorities say a Central Texas woman has accidentally shot her husband while trying to kill a skunk in their yard.

The Brazos County Sheriff’s Office says the incident happened Sunday night in the College Station area as the wife fired a handgun.

Sheriff Chris Kirk says the husband was shot in the abdomen. The victim has been transported to a hospital in Houston.

Further information on the man’s condition was not immediately available Monday. Names of the couple have not been released.

Aiming a tad high there, Honey.

While looking over the GOP schedule for their convention, I couldn’t help but notice that they put Rick Santorum on Tuesday night at 7:00.  I suspect that fits under the theory that you should take your medicine and get it over with.  Stick him at the front and hope everybody forgets him by the end.

Right before Rick the Pious speaks, there’s somebody named Janine Turner speaking.  That name sounded vaguely familiar to me.  I looked it up.  She’s the actress who played the role of Maggie on Northern Exposure.  And then June Cleaver in Leave it to Beaver. In 2007, she appeared in a promotional video for ‘Christoga,’ a “Christian form of Yoga” because, you know, regular yoga is probably Muslim or something.  Click the link and learn that Sweet Jesus wants you to go around with your belly button hanging out and doing crazy crap in front of candles and crosses.

And then I found this interesting tidbit on wiki —

Turner lives on a longhorn cattle ranch outside of Dallas, Texas, with her daughter, Juliette Turner-Jones.  Juliette’s father is Jerry Jones, Jr., son of Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones. Turner and Jones had an affair while Jones was still married to his wife.

Okay, so then she writes a book called Holding Her Head High: 12 Single Mothers Who Championed Their Children and Changed History. No Honey, you’re not a single mother, you’re a home-wrecker who boinged some other woman’s husband.  That ain’t nothing to be proud of – even in Texas.

Now I’m not saying that Ms. Turner will fit snugly in the arms of GOP hypocrisy … oh hell, yes I am.  That’s exactly what I’m saying.  She get all Jesus-upped to dress like a pavement princess and make a few bucks.  She makes sparks with somebody’s husband and then claimed she did it to change history.

And I’ll be damned, “On May 17, 2010 Turner was a paid speaker at an event sponsored by the “Americans for Prosperity” foundation, honoring Tea Party citizen leaders.”  It’s a career move.

Where do they find these women?  Well, wherever it is, they can keep them.

Da Chipster!  (with additions by Barb in DC and TexasEllen)

The 40th Republican National Convention is nearly upon us, four whole days of angry white villagers in funny hats holding a pep rally to elect the most regressive ticket since Strom Thurmond/Fielding White in 19 and 48.  Their snarky theme will be “why, yes, I DID build this by myself,” but in a spectacular display of unintentional irony theatre, they’ll be holding it in an arena built with GOBS of government gilt.

So, if spending the week before Labor Day weekend contemplating the potential Presidency of a guy who never labored a day in his life is enough to drive you to drink… well, then, you might as well do it up right.

Try my RNC drinking game.

First, a couple of house rules:  if you are watching network coverage, which is shorter, it’s preferred to use hard liquor shots.  If you are watching extended coverage and/or have future plans for your liver, shots of beer or wine are acceptable.

The order of drinking begins clockwise, but can change direction.

If you point at someone you must use your elbow, unless they are a Romney supporter, in which case you may also use your ass – they don’t know the difference.

If you miss your turn and get called on it, double the drink penalty, unless you immediately blame the lamestream liberal media for your gaffe.

If they tout Mitt as a “job creator” – drink one shot.

If they show a token minority – drink one.

If they show the same token again – drink two.

Basic hypocritical statement – drink one.

If they show Ann – drink two, one for each Cadillac.

If they blame Democrats/Obama for something that is the Republicans’ fault – choose someone else to drink.

If they push a position that Mitt has flipflopped on – CHANGE DIRECTION.

If they mention the 2002 Winter Olympics – drink in a luge position on the coffee table.

If they mention Massachusetts – yell “NORM!” and drink.

If they mention Bain – claim to have had a drink retroactively.

If they mention Ronald Reagan – drink.

If they mention Dubya – FREE PASS.

Seeing this guy, who appears at every GOP convention because he’s the only black guy ever there, two drinks and a “Lookie, Mabel, there’s that black guy again!”

Your rules can vary, but the result should be the same:  a rip-roaring drunk, followed by a Technicolor yawn of Niagara proportion, followed by a passed-out face-plant into a bowl of Cheeto dust, followed by a hangover so bad it sets off alarms at the CDC.

Which is pretty much how I’d spend every night of Romney’s putative putrescent Presidency.

For safety, sobriety and sanity sake, you can add  cup of coffee for every favorable comment about Barack Obama.  Also, glass of V8 for any praise of Michelle Obama.  Don’t bother to brew that coffee until the opportunity is presented.