Sam from Kyle

We’re gonna hear a lot of disturbing news from Florida in the next few days:   Widespread destruction and human misery; emergency rooms filled with sick and injured; hoarding and black markets; and widespread violence and looting.  But enough about the Republican Party Platform.

There are lots of things you won’t hear from the convention (motto: Science = B – i – b – l – e).  For instance, “Where’s Newt?” or “How bout’ them Mormons?” probably won’t make it to the fair and balanced Fox broadcast.  What both deal with, of course, is multiple wives.  Newt to be fair only committed bigamy for a short time while Mitt’s grandfather had 12, count em, 12 wives.  Is there any wonder Mitt grew up to be such a strong leader with unwavering views?  He comes from a family where his grandfather not only owned 12 wives; he also had to deal with 12 mother-in-laws.  If corporations are people, Mitt’s ancestor ran 12 corporations and dealt with 12 board of directors.

What other words will we not hear?  Based on what we’ve heard and seen over the past decades terms like compassion, Christ like,  social network, sex (except between a GOP delegate and a hooker), love, empathy, gay rights, minority rights, responsible foreign policy will all be verboten on the floor of the gathering.  If, heaven forbid, one of these terms are mentioned, it will have the phrase “The Republican party abhors ……”.  Delegates will shrug their shoulders and go back to reading the theme book of the convention, Fifty Shades of White.”

Instead, delegates will stifle their collective gag reflex and nominate Mitt Romney and his trusty sidekick Robin to lead us down the path to fiscal Hell, at least for those of us who don’t keep our best friends in vaults in Switzerland and the Cayman Islands.  After all, in GOP eyes Mitt may be a flip flopper with morals that Bernie Madoff would deplore, but he is the epitome of all they stand for:  greed, bigotry, and fear.

Y’all remember Judge Tom Head out in Lubbock who said that he would lead the Lubbock police department in head to head combat with the United Nations troops when Obama ordered them to overtake Lubbock?

Tom Head: Raising Taxes Because He Wants To

Ole Tom is a County Judge.  A county judge is not a real judge.  Our county judge here in Fort Bend is named Bob Hebert and he did in fact legitimately graduate high school.  He has an online college degree, a bought master’s degree, and a fake PhD so nutty that the Texas Attorney General ordered him to take it off his official letterhead. But, he wears judicial robes and calls himself judge.

However, county judges make the agenda for commissioners court.  In Texas, commissioners court is the single most corruptible form of government known to man.  They control every dollar spent by the county, and through a loophole in Texas law, they do not have to go out for lowest bidder on everything.

Which brings us back to County Judge Tom head and his hatred for all things federal government.  Well, except their money.

The county he wants to defend against the federal government spent at least $136,209 provided by the federal government for law enforcement in fiscal 2011, the county’s financial report shows. The programs include grants used for updating technology for law enforcement efforts. Lubbock County also received $66,778 from the federal government for the State Criminal Alien Assistance Program, which reimburses states and localities for dealing with illegal immigrants, according to the program website.

Yo, Tom, go slap yourself.  You’re such a silly boy.

Texas Republicans are whining again! that they are sitting at the back of the convention hall at the Republican National Convention.

Look, Republicans may be dumber than bean dip but even they know that you hide the crazy old uncle in attic when people come to visit.

Texas Democrats are housed closer to the convention site – and it’s at a water park even! – than the Texas Republicans are.  Plus, we don’t whine.  We are just dandy proud to be there.  Seriously, we were kinda afraid people might think crazy is contagious in Texas and not even invite us.

And that, my friends, is the difference between Democrats and Republicans – the damn whining.  The feelings of entitlement and superiority.   But mostly the whining.

I’m leaving for the Democratic National Convention this week.  Have I mentioned that I’m a delegate?  Elected, mind you.  By people in 21 of the best counties in Texas.

Ole Bubba and I are driving there so we can stop at the Clinton Library, eat barbeque in Memphis and drive through the Smokey Mountains.  We are driving back through New Orleans.  Yes, my friends, it is a party.

I will post as I have time.  I will even try to post from my iPhone so you can see pictures from the convention.  If you’re really anxious to see what I’m wearing and all, you can LIKE Juanita Jean’s Facebook page by clicking right here.  This is my first try at this so I’m not promising perfection.  Well, except in eye shadow colors.  I am pretty prefect at that.

While I’m gone, I’m going to let the hired help write the website.  You will see postings from TexasEllen, KellyBee, Sam Formerly From Pearland now from Kyle, Don A., Barb in DC, and Da Chipster.  They have promised to keep it clean, but I know them all and they do have a tendency to get drunk, nakkid and swing from the rafters.

Y’all try to be good while I’m outta here and don’t forget that Miss Marsha will be tending the house and Truman while I’m gone.  She’s a retired parole officer and clips coupons for ammo.  Do not mess with her.

A member of the GOP Executive Committee sent an email to New Mexico Gov. Susana Martinez’s staff informing them that Governor Martinez’s meeting with a group of American Indians “dishonored” Gen. George Armstrong Custer, the 19th century commander who killed scores of American Indians.

Republican National Committee leader Pat Rogers had himself a snot nosed walleyed hissy fit because the Governor of a state met with actual American Indians.  I’d hate to think what he’d have done if she met with some Germans.

“The state is going to hell,” Rogers, who is a member of the GOP executive committee and is currently in Tampa for the RNC convention …..

There’s a cool coincidence because so are you, Pat Rogers.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads up.

There’s a Republican member of the Maryland House named Donald Dwyer who is adamantly anti-gay.

Dwyer: Gays are not only icky; they are liars.

Earlier this year, during a debate on the state’s same-sex marriage bill, Dwyer told fellow lawmakers that the legalization of nuptials for gays and lesbians in Massachusetts in 2004 indoctrinated the state’s public school students on homosexuality. He also told a legislative committee that any state delegate that testified in favor of the bill should be “arrested for perjury” because saying that gay people deserve equality “is a lie and they know it.”

I do not know how Donald Dwyer knows that gays are lying about deserving to be equal, but I do know that it hurts my head to think about it.  I mean, how could he know that they’re lying, unless ……

He even wanted to impeach the Maryland Attorney General for recognizing same-sex marriages performed in other states.

You know what’s coming next, right?

So now you’re asking yourself, so what did he do, Juanita?

Well, honey, he got double drunk in a boat with another man and slammed his boat into a family of boaters, sending seven people to the hospital.  None of the injuries are life threatening.

Dwyer admitted that he was double drunk.

Dwyer could face several criminal charges if police blood tests confirm his blood alcohol content was 0.2. In addition, Maryland law stipulates that a legislator convicted of a felony crime or a crime of “moral turpitude” must relinquish his or her seat.

Moral turpitude.

Honey, all hens come home to roost eventually.

Thanks to Kathleen for the heads up.