People from foreign states often ask me, “Do y’all just grow them crazy in Texas or is it the heat?”

We grow ‘um.

We plant them, water them, and fertilize them with Louie Gohmert and Rick Perry fertilizer until they grow up and become … well, crazy like this guy.  His name is Wes Riddle, and it is highly likely that he will be the next Head Crazy Cowboy Congressman from Texas.

You kinda know things are getting either drunk, stoned, or weird when you look at the Issues page of his website.  (You know the drill, click the little one to see the big one.)

Ole Wes is a conspiracy theorist.  He claims that President Obama is giving away some oil-goldmine islands in Alaska to the Russians.  The commies.  Well, that’s not true but Wes ain’t one to let the facts get in the way of a good story.

He’s endorsed by Ron Paul.  Do you want me to keep going?

Well, I’m gonna do it anyway.

He’s a blogger.

In February, Riddle, who asserts that states have the authority to nullify federal laws they consider to be unconstitutional, posted an item on Horse Sense warning that Americans’ freedoms were being snuffed out in the name of well-meaning reforms like child labor laws, and no one was willing to do anything about it. “I JUST WISH THE GOVERNMENT WOULD LEAVE US ALONE,” he wrote, bursting into all-caps. But he feared Americans had grown too complacent. “[I]s another Robert E. Lee or Jeff Davis left anywhere in this unified, chained and tethered house of ours—locked down from the inside out?,” he wondered. “Is there a governor with backbone anywhere in the country to point out and even put an end to…(shall I name it? Are you willing to recognize it?). Tyranny.”

Yeah, right, child labor laws are what’s wrong with this country.

Ole Crazy Wes

And, of course, he recognizes the superiority of the white man.  He writes, “”Western civilization has produced the height of all civilizations in certain respects, to include literature.”  Yes, and we also invented the best possible literature and thought – bathroom wall limericks.  Yea, us!

And slavery ended well, didn’t it?

“Slavery in America was clearly harmful and wrong to the people who lived under it, but it proved to be the unintended transmission belt that brought Africans into the orbit of Western freedom,” he wrote. “Are the descendants of slaves really worse off? Would Jesse Jackson be better off living in Uganda? Would we? (Don’t answer that).”

Best I can figure, he’s no relation to Crazy Debbie Riddle in the Texas State Lege, but it is entirely possible that he could be because apparently the Riddle family tree doesn’t fork.

Thanks to about a dozen people for the heads-up and the question, “Do y’all grow them crazy in Texas?“ Now you know the answer.

Now, you would think that the leader of Washington State’s anti-gay marriage group and member of the State Lege would be a calm, rational, Christian, friendly … okay, so you wouldn’t and he’s not.

In an apparent fit of road rage, Preserve Marriage Washington Executive Board member and Washington state legislator Rep. Matt Shea (R-Spokane Valley) pulled a loaded gun on the driver of another car.

Anti-gay Shea pointed a loaded gun at another driver after he cut the guy off on the freeway and the guy got jerky about it.  Luckily, the only thing anti-gay Shea shot at the guy was the bird.

Anti-Gay Shea

The police officer filing the report says that anti-gay Shea “became cotton-mouthed as we continued to discuss the violation.  It was obvious to me he was extremely nervous …”  The office also reports that Shea “thought he was being targeted due to his work.”

Come to find out, anti-gay Shea did not have a permit for his flashing handgun.  His concealed carry permit expired “several years ago.”  Anti-gay Shea says that was “just the normal forgetfulness of people”.

Yeah, really?

Honey, Honey, Anti-gay Shea Honey, your little hiney is on the State House Judiciary Committee with jurisdiction over most firearms legislation.  And you, yourownself sponsored some firearm legislation.

All that aside, there’s also laws about pointing a loaded handgun at people.  And since anti-gay Shea is a lawyer, he can look it up at Section 47a.3471(c) of the Code of Criminal Rage Procedure under the heading of, “Crap You Do That Can Send Your Butt To Jail.”  Pointing a loaded pistol at people is right at the top of the list.

Also not surprising?  Anti-gay Shea is a big 2nd Amendment guy, and touts that he is endorsed by the Gun Owners of America PAC..

Thanks to Brian for the heads-up.

There’s a rule in the Texas Election Code that says a general purpose political committee (GPAC) must file a designation of treasurer with the Texas Ethics Commission and take donations from ten people and then wait 60 days before they are allowed to spend more than $500 on a candidate.  (Section 253.037(a) for you writ twits)

I suspect that the reason for the law is to keep some secretly funded previously unknown group from funding an attack against a candidate and not releasing any of their donors until after the election.  You know, that whole transparency and public’s right to know stuff that Republicans hate.

A whole bunch.

So much so, that a group calling themselves the Catholic Leadership Coalition of Texas has filed an unsuccessful injunction and then  an emergency appeal to overturn this law, explaining that they want to spend a bundle on the Texas Republican senate seat race.

Early voting started yesterday and the election day is July 31st.  The Catholic Leadership Council is claiming it’s a violation of their free speech not to be able to blindside one of the two candidates – David Dewhurst (a rightwing nut case) or Ted Cruz (a roll in the grass, rock chunkin’, hallelujah shouting rightwing nutcase).

“We have been very careful to follow all the campaign rules and do things right. I was shocked when I found out that even after we registered a political committee with the state, we still wouldn’t be able to publicize our endorsements before the runoff election,” said Phil Sevilla, the president of the TLC. “We feel very strongly about getting our message out in time, and now we may have to wait to do that.”

Well, geeez Phil, this ain’t a new law and I am certain that if you think about it for a couple of … I dunno, seconds? … you’ll come to understand that this rule might be the only decent thing on the books  in the Texas Election Code.

And then there’s Judge Sam Spark’s wise order denying the injunction against the State of Texas by the Catholic leadership Council.

In this case, just as the second element follows the first, the fourth element follows the third. The chaos created by an upheaval in Texas election law immediately before major elections would directly and substantially disserve the public’s interest in fair, efficient, and orderly elections.  Further, it bears noting that this crisis was manufactured in large part by TLC and its choice to wait approximately eight months before creating a political committee. Neither Texas’s government nor its voters should have to bear the costs associated with TLC’s indolence.

And while I thank Judge Sparks for reminding the Catholic Leadership Council that with Leadership comes responsibility, I have to admit that I am very curious about what they wanted to say at the very last minute that was so darned important.  I bet it was dirty. Oh, come on, you know it was, too.

Thanks to Kyle for the heads-up.

Texas Congressvarmint Louie Gohmert just called Senator John McCain a “numb nuts.”

On the radio.

Wait, I mean Louie said it on the radio.  Not that John McCain’s numb  nuts were on the radio.  I do not have much information about John McCain’s numb nuts, but apparently Louie Gohmert does.

Louie was peeved and outrage, just outraged, I tell you, that John McCain was not enamored with Michele Bachmann’s call for investigating everybody for their ties to the Muslim Brotherhood.  So, Louie Gohmert did what Big Hairless Super DeLux Brand Christian Louie Gohmert always does – he starts name calling.

GOHMERT: Well, it’s obvious that John McCain didn’t even read the letter because of what he said in accusing Michele and us of making these horrible accusations. There were five letters and there were many things that are stated that are facts in each letter. And I wish some of these numb nuts would go out and read the letter before they make these horrible allegations about the horrible accusations we’re making. But we also know that John McCain himself had said back in the early stages of stuff going on in Egypt that he was, in his words, “unalterably opposed to helping the Muslim Brotherhood.” Well, obviously the unalterable person has been altered, so he is okay with it now.

So not only is John McCain a numb nut, he’s also in cahoots with the Muslim Brotherhood.

So, Louie is not saying that anybody is in any way cahooting with the Muslim Brotherhood and he proudly admits that he has zero evidence that they are, but he wants them all investigated.

I can do better than that.

Louie Gohmert: Probably not a witch

Louie Gohmert attends Green Acres Baptist Church in Tyler, Texas.  On August 3rd, Green Acres Baptist Church is having a magician perform.  Magic is a tool of the devil.  Magic is associated with witches and voodoo.  Louie Gohmert goes to a church where they have magic closely associated with voodoo and witches.

I am not saying that United States Congressman Louie Gohmert is a voodoo practitioner and belongs to a witches’ coven, but I sure think it needs investigating because all the evidence is there.

I also think he should be IQ tested, even though there is no evidence that he has one.

Thanks to Stephen for the heads-up.

Rick Perry, always steadfast and honest when it comes to his values about not taking money from the damn federal guvmint, is turning down health care money for thousands of Texas uninsured children.

I have to respect a man whose values are so strong that he’s willing to let little children suffer for what he believes.  That there is some hardcore values.

And he’s even willing to let Texas farmers suffer … oh wait, David in Poetry, Texas, which just happens to be the corporate headquarters of the World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc., just texted me with this little piece of information.

The governor’s posturing about federal dollars is ironic considering he touts his upbringing in humble rural West Texas as molding who he is. From 1995 – 2006, Paint Creek’s county of about 6,000 received $81,172,449 in federal farm subsidies. That’s over 7 million a year into one county. 686 recipients of the county averaged over $118,000 a year in federal checks over those 11 years. Why isn’t that government creep or socialism or a “failed program”? Is access to Medicaid for the poor and uninsured not worth the dime on the dollar it would cost Texas?

David

Poetry, Texas

Wanna look it up yourself? With this handy little website, you can learn about farm subsidies and who gets them.

Texas Summary Information

• $25.9 billion in subsidies 1995-2011.
• $15.3 billion in commodity subsidies.
• $4.36 billion in crop insurance subsidies.
• $2.91 billion in conservation subsidies.
• $3.34 billion in disaster subsidies.
• Texas ranking: 1 of 50 States

So, it’s okay for Rick Perry to help his agribusiness buddies with federal subsidies, but working people without health insurance?  Screw ‘um.

It’s all in how you play the game.

Thanks to David in Poetry, Texas for the heads-up.

Dang, at some point you gotta start feeling sorry for this guy.

I ain’t there yet.

I’m still in the giggling stage of Good Grief!

So Romney gets all freaked out when Obama says that none of us is an island.  Romney goes out and finds some dude to cut a commercial saying this he and his Daddy built their business all by themselves with no help from the govment.  You can see it here.

Come to find out, this same dude in the commercial is practically a welfare boss and a giant hypocrite.

1) In 1999, the company received $800,000 in tax-exempt revenue bonds “to set up a second manufacturing plant and purchase equipment to produce high definition television broadcasting equipment.”

2) In the 1980s , Gilchrist Metal Fabricating obtained a U.S. Small Business Administration loan of around $500,000

3) Gilchrist Metal Fabricating has received several sub-contracts.  Last year, a sub-contract from the U.S. Navy  totaling about $83,000 and a smaller, $5,600 from the Coast Guard

And how does Mr. Gilchrist explain this?

“I’m not going to turn a blind eye because the money came from the government,” he said. “As far as I’m concerned, I’m getting some of my tax money back.

“I’m not stupid, I’m not going to say ‘no.’ Shame on me if I didn’t use what’s available,” he said. “As a matter of fact, right now, I’m driving on a road.

Getting some of your tax money back, huh?  How do you know that wasn’t Thelma’s money you were getting, dude?  Thelma works hard for her money.  Being the Texas Chainsaw Manicurist is not an easy job.  Thelma says she didn’t get no military sub contract or government loan, although she seriously considered opening a tattoo parlor near a naval base.

Thelma may be a lot of things but Thelma votes Democratic because she ain’t no hypocrite.  By the way, she also drives on public roads to get to work.  Roads that she did not build with her own two hands.  Road work is hell on manicures, babe.

Thanks to mb for the heads up.