You know all those fiscally conservative Tea Party members we elected to Congress?

Well, come to find out, they need hot wheels.

Though they campaigned on a platform of reducing the deficit and ridding wasteful spending, more than a half-dozen Tea Party congressmen have collectively spent over $100,000 in taxpayer money on personal vehicles.

They have places to go, people to see, and themselves to impress.

Cravaak: Should have gone with a Corvette

Many of the vehicles go beyond a standard sedan. For example, Chip Cravaack is charging taxpayers more than $1,000 a month to pay the lease on his 2011 Chevy Equinox, a crossover SUV with all-wheel drive.

Honey, for $1,000 a month, you can get a parade float with flashing lights to tote your butt around town in style.

Lookie here at the list:

They do have a defense, though.  They never once promised to be conservative with your money, just their own.

Thanks to a mess of people for the heads-up.

The last of God’s creatures on earth has demanded that Mitt Romney quit dilly-dallying around and  “either release his tax returns or give me a treat.”

Hairy S Truman (see below) said yesterday that if Mitt doesn’t release his tax returns, he’s apt to be nipped on the ankle by dogs and every darn political commentator in the country, from George Will to Erin Burnett.

Burnett said Romney was cruisin’ for a bruisin’.

“If he refuses to release them, it is because one, he had a lot more money in tax shelters in prior years than he does now,” she continued. “Two, he did something shady. Or, three, he’s stupid.”

And Matthew Dowd nipped, too.

Political strategist and ABC News political analyst Matthew Dowd said “there’s obviously something there” in Romney’s tax returns that he doesn’t want to release publicly, adding that Romney’s refusal to produce his prior returns was a sign of “arrogance.”

And there’s even growling Bill Kristol …

Weekly Standard Editor Bill Kristol called Romney’s refusal to release more than two years of tax returns “crazy.”

“He should release the tax returns tomorrow,” Mr. Kristol said. “You’ve got to release six, eight, 10 years of back tax returns.”

Stupid? Arrogant?  Crazy?   Whoa, wait, isn’t that already the motto of the Republican Party?

I have admitted to you that I am excited like a little girl at Christmas over getting to go to the Democratic National Convention in September.  In fact, I have to walk sideways to keep from flying.  I’ve never been to one so this is a big deal for me.

You know what I’ve even more excited about?  The Republican National Convention, that’s what.  Honey, my tail feathers are liable to catch fire during that sucker.  They are taking aim at doing crazy crap.  On national teevee.  These guys make a hornet look cuddly so no telling who or what they will boo at – veterans, crippled children, rape victims, the real Sweet Jesus, Mother Teresa, kindergarten, innocent bystanders, chocolate ice cream….

Hell, I expect them to blame President Obama for killing Osama bin Laden.

Now every batcrap crazy Republican wants to speak at the convention.  Ya got Donald Trump, Rush, Sarah, Dick’s Cheney’s advertisement for his next heart, Ron and Rand Paul (the Duet of Doom), and Newt.

A source close to Gingrich added that the former speaker’s “heart is definitely set on working in the trenches with delegates on the platform,” recalling that the Georgian kept Romney campaign manager Matt Rhoades at the campaign headquarters for four hours going over policy when he dropped out.

“I think Newt handed them four separate 50-page proposals,” said this Gingrich source of the meeting.

Newt wants to speak for hours and hours.

And then there’s another headache for Mitt Romney – Rick Perry is the man who refused to debate his gubernatorial opponent because he refused to release his tax returns from 1993, 1994 and 1995, which is over 15 years ago.  So, there’s also the possibility of an open convention if Mitt finds his tax returns.

I’m so excited.  I just can’t hide it.  They’re about to lose control and I think I like it!

Thanks to David for the heads-up.

Well, the Republicans finally caught Obama.  Shame on us for not seeing this coming.

The CIA jump room program, and its origin with a species of Grey extraterrestrials with whom the U.S. government has had an ongoing secret human-extraterrestrial liaison program, is of the highest national security to the U.S. government.

The CIA and U.S. national security apparatus surrounding U.S. President Barack Obama will do everything in its power during the 2012 election year to suppress evidence that (1) Mr. Obama was part of a secret teleportation jump room program using Grey extraterrestrial technology to reach synthetic quantum environments (SQEs), destinations architected by Grey extraterrestrials.

The CIA apparatus has been suppressing evidence that (2) Mr. Obama has been since 1980 a full time covert CIA operative, deployed to infiltrate, perform surveillance on and report back on community activist, Leftist, African nationalist, and Islamic circles.

Y’all, Barack Obama himself has been part of the jump-room program, having teleported between California and Washington several times.  Now they’re going to want to see his Grey extraterrestrial passport to check the stamps.

Obama wasn’t the only one making the otherworldly voyage. As “Barry Soetero,” the 19-year-old Obama was one of 10 youths selected to secretly teleport to and from Mars, forming a band of interplanetary Teen Titans. Regina Dugan, the director of Darpa, was another member.

Between 1981 and 1983, Obama is supposed to have visited Mars twice, by way of a teleportation chamber called a “jump room.” Basiago, a fellow chrononaut, told the website Exopolitics that he saw Obama “walk back to the jump room from across the Martian terrain.” To acknowledge his comrade, Obama is said to have told Basiago, “We’re here” — apparently, “with some sense of fatalism.”

He didn’t just go to Mars, Honey, he walked on Mars.

Of course, as you would suspect, the White House denies that ever happened.  But if Mitt Romney could make it happen retroactively, that would be cool.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads-up.

Once again, proving that batcrap crazy is contagious, Tennessee has decided that textbooks need reforming.  Taking their signals from Mitt Romney, they are going to retroactively abolish American history.

A little more than a year after the conservative-led state board of education in Texas approved massive changes to its school textbooks to put slavery in a more positive light, a group of Tea Party activists in Tennessee has renewed its push to whitewash school textbooks. The group is seeking to remove references to slavery and mentions of the country’s founders being slave owners.

Can someone please tell me the positive light to slavery? I mean, were ice cream treats involved?

Thanks to Norma for the heads-up.