Today is the first day to file for public office in Texas.

Clowns can apply at the local Republican headquarters.

It appears that Charlie Gonzalez is not running for re-election and neither is Barney Franks.  Those are big shoes to fill.

If you hear any good rumors, please feel free to pass them along.  I mean, rumors about who is filing and who’s not.  Keep your rumors about Jennifer Anistan and Justin Bieber to yourself.

I am multi-talented.  I can talk and piss you off at the same time.

I am fixing to do that to a lot of people.

I have had it up to here with the State Democratic Executive Committee in Texas.  I have waited a whole week to write about this, hoping I would calm down and be funny instead of just damn mad.  However, like a fine wine or a hot woman, aging just made my mad better.

Last week some progressives asked the State Democratic Executive Committee (SDEC) to put some non-binding resolutions on the Democratic primary ballot.  To answer your first question:  yes, Republicans can come over and vote in the Democratic primary but they won’t because they have  primary hotter than a teenager at prom. They will vote in their own primary.  That’s why now is the perfect time to do this.

These resolutions included statements that allowed Democrats in Texas to actually have a voice in what is important to them.  The idea is that it would create interest and get Democrats to the polls in March so it’s easier to get them back in November.  They focused on ideas like the Dream Act and keeping the cost of a college education down – two items which even Rick Perry favors.  Those two passed and will be on the Democratic ballot.  Meh.

The third one that passed is  casino gambling in Texas.

What did not pass was gay marriage, abolition or even a moratorium on the death penalty, and decriminalization of marijuana.

They did not pass because members of the SDEC felt that was far too great a burden to place on our Democratic candidates. Members actually stood up and said that our candidates would get defeated if they stood for these things.

Oh Lord, give me a break and political party.  I am now a member of the Democratic Party – the party of casino gambling.  Whoop-de-damn-do.

Hellfire, casino gambling is the only one I am against.  I saw what it did to Biloxi, Mississippi.  Casino gambling is a tax on the poor and people who are bad at math.  A few connected-types get rich and everybody else gets paid minimum wage.  Those aren’t jobs, that’s slave labor with no benefits.  I hope it gets the hell beat out of it because I do not want to be the party of sleazy casino gambling while ditching my gay brothers and sisters, the disproportionate number of minorities on death row, and supporting Mexican drug lords.

It’s just damn insulting to our base.

A few brave souls stood up and talked passionately, but it was a losing battle.  I had to get up and leave the room for a minute to keep from standing up and hollering, “Son of a Motherless Goat!  Why would you even want candidates who don’t support these things?  Can’t you see that’s why Texas Democrats have been losing for a decade and we hold not even one statewide elective office – because we don’t stand for diddle squat.”

Oh, but now we stand for casino gambling.  That’s what is important to us.

I hope you feel better about us.

And, the leadership of the state party is voiceless to explain why the Texas Democratic Party is more than $27,000 in debt and is going broke.   Sneeze – your brain is dusty.

There was one small hopeful light.  Judge Gilberto Hinojosa, who is the only announced candidate for State Party Chair so far, listened to the debate and then stood and announced, against his own self-interest at being elected as chair, that he favored putting these items on the ballot.   Judge Hinojosa had nothing to gain and everything to lose by doing this.  It was an act of courage that I want you to remember when we vote at the state convention.

I am glad to get that out of my system.  I’m going to the next SDEC meeting with a sack full of balls and hand them out freely.

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Arizona will campaign with Rick Perry in New Hampshire on Tuesday, the Texas governor’s campaign told CNN on Saturday.

The man famous for his tough stance on illegal immigration has not endorsed a presidential candidate, though he has been courted by the likes of Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann, businessman Herman Cain, former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney and Perry.

Okay, so we’ve got two men who wake up every morning with the need to kill something, preferably something innocent, mentally challenged, brown, young, or hungry, and now we’re putting them together.  I hate to speculate, but odds are pretty good that something bad is going to come from that.

I’m guessing hollow point bullets and a couple of semi-automatic weapons are necessary to coax them out of bed in the morning.

Now y’all listen up – if you start to hear them get into a fight over which one has the biggest winkie, take cover.  You know for a dead solid guaranteed fact that they are going to try to  out-tough-guy each other, and they are liable to shoot a couple elderly women in wheelchairs just to prove it.

Let’s me explain how sad this is – Joe Arpaio is under federal investigation for abuse of power because he’s a damn bully and a thug and now he’s investigating President Obama’s birth certificate.  How far down in the polls do you have to be to reach up for this guy’s help?  If you’re so low that Arpaio can pull you up, you’ve dug too deep, Honey.

Thanks to Glynda for the heads-up.

Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott, who is jerk and a half with a cherry on top, is promising to go to the Supreme Court after a federal court said “Hell no, cowboy” to Abbott’s request to stay the decision of the three judge panel who redrew the congressional lines after the Republicans got obscenely greedy.

Abbott wants the Supremes to redraw the lines, obviously back to where the GOP gets to slap every Democrat in the state and call them on the phone personally and ask if their refrigerator is running or if they have Prince Albert in a can, while laughing manically at how clever they are.

Okay, so Clarence Thomas might think that’s cool.  I know Mrs. Thomas would.  I understand that risk.  Look, Scalia won’t even give Thomas sharp pencils so giving him markers and a map might be something they do to keep him busy and away from inspecting every Coke can that comes in the building.

Meanwhile Democrats are lining up to run for those seats.  I woke up this morning giggling about that.

State Representative Aaron Pena (no tilde because the man does not deserve it) switched from the Democratic to the Republican party days after he was elected as a Democrat.  We do not know what the Republicans promised him for that switch, but it better not have been a safe seat.

When the GOP-controlled Texas House gave him his safe for lifetime seat, Aaron was happy and just a tad more cocky than usual.  But, the three judge panel took it way.  They drew a 75% Democratic district that is heavily Hispanic.  And in one of those dripping ironic moments, the swing judge who did this is a Hispanic Republican. The maps were that embarrassingly partisan.

Aaron Pena announced today that the Karma Fairy visited early and he will not run for re-election.  And with a straight face, he said —

My decision to switch parties was met with derision by many who accused me of doing so as a quid pro quo. As I said then and is now evidently clear I did so because I felt it was the right thing to do rather than because I expected a political favor in return.

Yo, Pena, the Republicans tried to reward you, but justice and honor took it away.  That’s what Republicans do, my friend.  They make promises that their butt can’t keep, and I am unseemlingly  joyful that you learned that lesson the hard way.

Don’t let the door hit ya ….

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