Characters in order of appearance:

Bob Murray –  chief executive officer of Murray Energy Corporation, a mining corporation based in St. Clairsville, Ohio. He is one of the largest independent operators of coal mines in the United States.

Donald Trump – supposed president.

Rick Perry – supposed college graduate.

FERC – Federal Energy Regulatory Commission

Action:

Bob Murray: Mr. President, here’s my four-page action plan to have American consumers subsidize my failing company by having the FERC require utilities to buy a three month supply of coal under the guise of ensuring the reliability of the electric grid.

Trump: Why thank you Bob.  You should give this to DOE Secretary Rick Perry. He’s an expert on the electric grid because they have electricity in the Governor’s Mansion in Texas.  Give him a call – I’ll encourage him to take the meeting with you.

March 29, 2017 –  Bob Murray meets with DOE Secretary Rick Perry.

Bob Murray: Mr. President it’s been months since I met with Secretary Perry and he hasn’t acted on my four-page action plan.

Trump: These things take time Bob.  Why don’t you try contacting some outside groups that are trying to build public support for the coal industry?  Some of my former campaign staffers are working with a group called America First Action.

Bob Murray: Thanks Mr. President, I’ll call them.

August 8th, 2017 – MURRAY ENERGY CORPORATION donates  $1,000,000.00 to America First Action

September 29, 2017 – DOE Secretary Rick Perry submits Murray’s action plan to FERC.

January 8, 2018 – FERC unanimously rejects Perry’s action plan.

The Federal Energy Regulatory Commission on Monday unanimously rejected a proposal by Energy Secretary Rick Perry that would have propped up nuclear and coal power plants struggling in competitive electricity markets.

The independent five-member commission includes four people appointed by President Trump, three of them Republicans. Its decision is binding.

Trump: What?  All I did was ask Perry to take a meeting with Murray.  I never pressured him to do anything about it and I never pressured the FERC to approve it either.  Don McGahn says that’s not a bribe after McDonnell v. United States.  I love Donny – he’s my new Roy Cohen!

Trump to FERC appointees:  Can you believe that schmuck!?!?  He actually thought we’d do it!  What an idiot!  A million bucks!  I used to have to go all the way to fucking Batumi to endorse a fake Trump Tower project to make a million bucks.

Yeah, this presidency thing is a great scam – much easier than selling condos to Russian oligarchs for twice the fair market value so they can get their money out of Russia.

Heh, heh, heh.

Thanks to Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen.

Yeah, there’s a Republican by the name of Courtland Sykes running for the United States senate in Missouri.

He was asked if he supports women’s rights.  Of course he does, with a few minor adjustments.

“I want to come home to a home cooked dinner every night at six,” Sykes said, referring to demands he makes of his girlfriend. “One that she fixes and one that I expect one day to have daughters learn to fix after they become traditional homemakers and family wives.”

He says that feminists have “snake filled heads”.  That’s certainly phallic of him.

The candidate said that he hoped his daughters do not grow up to be “career obsessed banshees who forgo home life and children and the happiness of family to become nail-biting manophobic hell-bent feminist she devils who shriek from the top of a thousand tall buildings they are [SIC] think they could have leaped in a single bound — had men not been ‘suppressing them.’ It’s just nuts.”

I don’t think monophobic means what he thinks it means.

But, in the end, he thinks there’s nothing to worry about.

“But good news,” he concluded. “They’re finished. Ask Hillary.”

Instead, I think I’ll ask Clair McCaskill what she’s cooking for dinner tonight.

Thanks to SGray for the heads up.

The New York Times, the True News, reports that Ty Cobb, the White House lawyer leading the response to the Russia investigation, said that President Trump “was speaking hurriedly and intended only to say that he was willing to meet” with special counsel Robert Mueller and not necessarily be interviewed under oath.

Speaking “hurriedly.” Is anybody keeping a list of the euphemisms being used for “Damn Crazy Guy” when his staff is walking back what Trump says.

The best part? Cobb said …

 “He’s ready to meet with them, but he’ll be guided by the advice of his personal counsel.”

Damn. Is Cobb trying to tell us that Trump is guided by anything?  Anything at all?

Cobb, a Denver corporate attorney, describes himself thusly, “I have rocks in my head and steel balls.”  Well, the rocks are winning.

The Texas Department of Public Safety has a press release.

Here’s what it says:

To ensure the safety and security of the general public and those who seek to exercise their right to peacefully assemble and protest, effective immediately, certain items may be prohibited from the Capitol Grounds unless worn or carried by a licensed peace officer.

Any item manifestly designed, made, or adapted for the purpose of preparing a person to engage in physical combat may be prohibited, including but not limited to:

• Firearms and other deadly weapons, except when authorized under License to Carry authority
• Improvised items used to lock a person to another person or object
• Plastic bottles containing alcohol or non-consumable substances
• Open flame torches
• Metal signs
• Metal, plastic, and wood objects longer than 12 inches
• Sticks or other objects with protruding nails
• Balloons not filled with air, oxygen or helium
• Bricks, stones or rocks
• Projectile launchers, including water cannons
• Spray paint cans
• Gas masks or similar equipment
• Glass bottles
• Hammers
• Crow bars
• Toxic fluid, gas or solids in any container
• Improvised shields
• Helmets
• Drones
• Pepper spray
• Tasers

Do I see a battery powered mix-master?  No, I do not.

A rattail comb?

Nope. And I can kill a man with one.

Do I see a hairdryer, a long intension cord, and a bucket of water? Nope.

Bois d’arc balls?  Not on the list.

Apparently, you are still free to throw a dictionary at someone as needed.

But, here’s the big question, they will not allow a helmet but they will allow Borris Miles’ reputation on the grounds of the Capitol. That’s crazy.

Thanks to another Susan for the heads up.

Oh crap, the Evangelicals are hitting people with their Bibles again, daring anyone to pass judgement on Trump.  Passing judgment is only permissible against Democratic presidents, according to Corinthians 2.

Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council on Stormy —

“We kind of gave him—‘All right, you get a mulligan. You get a do-over here,’” Perkins told me in an interview for the latest episode of POLITICO’s Off Message podcast.

Evangelical Christians, says Perkins, “were tired of being kicked around by Barack Obama and his leftists. And I think they are finally glad that there’s somebody on the playground that is willing to punch the bully.”

Yeah, just like Jesus did.

And Franklin Graham insists on shaming Baptists again.

Graham, son of the Rev. Billy Graham and current president of his Evangelistic Association, said he saw no reason to believe the allegations about Trump and Stormy Daniels, nor the reports that the president called certain countries “shitholes,” despite the fact Trump reportedly bragged about saying it in private phone calls.

Head, meet sand.

Mulligan.  Trump gets a mulligan in the name of Jesus.  Holy Crap.

Pennsylvania Republican Pat Meehan (R-Pa.) says he absolutely did not sexually harass a young aide,  but if he did, it’s Obama’s fault.

Yep.  You knew it was Obama’s fault but you just didn’t know why.  So, here’s the deal.

Meehan wrote the aide a letter in May of 2017.  He was all mushy and told her, “You are and have been a complete partner to me and you have brought me much happiness.”

Meehan denied that he retaliated against her and instead blamed any negative behavior on stress over the Republican effort to dismantle Affordable Care Act. On the day Meehan penned the letter to his aide, the House voted to partially repeal and replace the health care law.

Well, in his defense, there were a lot of Republicans acting like total loons that day.

He paid her a settlement but wouldn’t say how much.  Much like how he wouldn’t tell us how much it’s gonna cost us to replace Obamacare.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.