The New York Times documents that Trump has offered up self-praise 600 times during the Corona virus.

You gotta admit, that’s hard to do.  If he wants a “record-breaking” or “being the best in all of history at” – this is probably it. He truly owns the Pat Himself on the Back award.

Maybe they give a Noble Prize for self congratulations.

Okay, you can forgive the guy for not knowing that reporters don’t get Nobel Prizes or that the prize wasn’t named about the dictionary definition of noble, because it’s not a Noble Prize at all.  You didn’t expect him to know how to pronounce the word “Pulitzer,” did you?

“I am praying for a pardon.”

Roger Stone, last week

He’s due to report on April 30, which according to my calendar, is on Thursday.  He’s supposed to serve 3 years, 4 months.  He doesn’t want to. His jury was unfair and probably fake jurors.

“I’m 67 years old. I had very, very severe asthma as a child. If you look at the profile of those who are most at risk, I think I fit that,” he said.

Plus, I don’t think you get your $1,200 check if you’re in prison.

And the cherry on top?  Stone says he’s found … yep, Jesus.

The former political adviser says he’s received counsel from Evangelical and fellow Trump supporter Jerry Falwell Jr

According to Stone, Falwell Jr. to, “put myself in God’s hands. That I should put my faith in God, and confess my sins, acknowledge Jesus Christ in my life. And I have done that.”

The self admitted dirty trickster continued, “I’m aware of the fact there are skeptics who are going to say ‘Stone is posturing. Stone is maneuvering for public sympathy,’ and so on. But that’s just not the case. And He, God, knows what’s in my heart.”

Why would we think Stone is posturing? I mean, he’s never done that before in his life.

He’s probably just being sarcastic.

Lyin’ Eyes – a famous country western song – immediately came to mind when I read this.

Nope. I have eyes. Either he’s not missing lunch or he eats the whole rest of the damn day.

The point they were trying to make is to refute “a report that the commander-in-chief spends his days obsessing over TV coverage and eating fries.”  Because, you know, it looks like that’s what he’s doing.

White House staffers said the president works around the clock and can make five dozen work-related calls a day during the pandemic.

“I can tell you that the biggest concern I have as a new chief of staff is making sure he gets some time to get a quick bite to eat,” White House chief of staff Mark Meadows told The Post.

Five dozen?  Honey, that’s 60 calls. If he calls Rudy Giuliani 30 times, does that count as one or almost three dozen?

Look, if he’s doing 60 calls a day, then he ain’t doing this president thing right.  Plus, he barely knows 60 words, so this is kinda hard to believe.

But, here’s his proof that he’s working hard.

Yep – running around in circles demanding to be praised is hard work.

Thanks to Kary for the heads up.

Through the years when I want to talk about the most Republican, white, redneck place in Texas, I’m gonna tell you about Pasadena or Beaumont, but it’s usually Beaumont.  Beaumont has the same exact amount of churches as it does adult book stores.  I think that’s the law or something.

Well, Beaumont elected itself a female mayor by the name of Becky Ames.  Becky has been mayor since 2007. She is a certified Donald Trump cheerleader and was proud to be among the recognized public officials at Trump’s inauguration.

Well, Becky got herself in a little trouble.  She issued a stay-at-home order for the city of Beaumont and then, God love her, it just got to be more than a proper Texas big haired woman could be expected to tolerate.  Last week, Becky got caught soaking her hands at a local nail salon.

She swears she was just soaking in acetone to remove her old fake nails.

“I did not do anything wrong,” she told the paper. “I would not be upset with anyone who I found out did this.”

Ames said she had powdered nails removed at the salon and was not there for a manicure, according to the paper. The fake nails were causing her pain, she said.

On Thursday, the mayor issued a statement apologizing for visiting the salon, calling it a “lapse in judgment,” Fox 4 Beaumont reported.

“I should never have entered the salon last Tuesday,” Ames said. “I did not intend to take personal privilege while asking others to sacrifice, and for that, I am truly remorseful. As an elected official I am held to a higher standard.”

People may be dying but, Honey, nails are nails and they were hurting poor Becky.

I think she probably thought to prepare for this lockdown by purchasing a pallet of hairspray before it sold out.  Bad hair hurts, you know.

She’ll be reelected for sure because the people of Beaumont understand that looking good is the biggest part of the game. And Honey, they knew that long before Trump made it the national motto.

Becky and the salon are both being investigated.

Okay, wanna know why Trump is disappearing during his afternoon rant-a-thons on national teevee?

He doesn’t want to answer questions about this:

They were gargling all kinds of stuff but mostly Lysol and bleach.  Lord knows they swallow all his lies.