Never Trust a Guy With a Smiley Face Necklace
Stephen Jennings is 40 years old and oughta know better.
Police in Oklahoma say they found an open container of Kentucky Deluxe whiskey, a rattlesnake, a gun and a canister of radioactive powdered uranium during a traffic stop of a vehicle that had been reported stolen.
That’s life in the fast lane, Honey. If you’re trying to get a date over at Bubba Hank’s Bait Shop and Pool Hall, you have all the necessary acrutamonts.
Although the uranium wasn’t weapons grade, police figured he was probably up to no good.
However, I guess the cool stuff worked in the romance opportunity because he was arrested with Rachael Rivera, who apparently is pretty much a Bad Luck Woman because she was charged with possession of a firearm after a former felony conviction.
The uranium, which Gibbs said can be purchased legally in some states, was not weapons-grade. It is unclear why it was in the vehicle or how it was obtained, he said.
“It was nothing we were concerned of as far as him using it as a weapon of mass destruction,” Gibbs said. “It’s very low radioactivity.”
Gibbs is a Sergeant in the police department. It seems to me that we pay him to be concerned about uranium. Hell, I wouldn’t want someone cruising my neighborhood secretly taking X-rays of everybody, much less somebody carrying it around in a damn can.
Also, in Oklahoma, a rattlesnake is perfectly legal to have if you have a valid hunting license and, bygawd, this guy did.
Thanks to slipstream for the heads up.
Oh Lordy, yet another reason not to set foot in Oklahoma ever again. It’s legal to drive around with a rattlesnake and low-level uranium in your car? Seems like what passes for brains there must be draining out through the cracks left from fracking.
My only time in Oklahoma was driving back home to California from the National Spelling Bee (another whole traumatic story, but I digress.) The car died at a construction site, and we had to hitch a ride into the nearest town in the tar truck, which had no glass in its passenger side window, in pouring rain. Arrived in some rinky-dink town soaking wet and with tar on my clothes. Rescued by my Uncle Billy Tom, who drove up from Dallas in his big black car and took us down there, thoroughly fumigated with his constant smoking. An unforgettable experience, not in a good way.
1WE’RE ONLY SAYIN’
YOUR DOIN’ FINE OKLAHOMA
OKLAHOMA! OK!
2I only hope the Coen Brothers read this story. It’s the perfect follow up for Fargo. It’s not often when the long open of a film just writes itself.
Tulsa
3‘Uranium, Whiskey, & Have A Nice Day’
There are half a dozen uranium mines in Oklahoma, so it shouldn’t be hard to fill your canister, and I imagine at least that many rattlesnakes per square yard.
4Fun With Uranium: Oklahoma Edition
Rick: So many quotable lines from the Coen brothers.
5The one I always think of is from Raising Arizona.
“Hi you’re young and you’ve gotcher health, WHAT do you want with a JOB?”
I know the story behind Oklahoman’s being called “Sooners”, but I suspect there’s another, more accurate reason: they’d a sooner be somewhere else.
6uranium,that was the ticket to a hit by russians on the pres of ukraine a decade ago.he ingested it while drinking coffee,with a hot man,he landed in a hospital and his face went totally pimple and he never looked the same again. one type is used for cleaning lenses with a brush,mainly for opticals,sights etc. his use, hopefully he drinks it with his wiskey,and the snake bites him and the woman driving laughs so hard they become a statistic.and they let him own a gun?
7Whiskey, low-grade uranium, and rattlesnake venom.
I’m guessing that they’re working on a secret formula for a cure. Probably for either Erectile Dysfunction or Male Pattern Baldness; possibly both.
The gun? That’s for security.
8At least he didn’t have any aluminum tubes…
9Um.
“It was nothing we were concerned of as far as him using it as a weapon of mass destruction,” Gibbs said. “It’s very low radioactivity.”
Of course, that’s not to say that that wasn’t his plan.
This guy seems to be a couple of suits shy of a full deck, so I’m betting he thought, “Uranium! Yeah! I can blow up that factory that fired me 12 years ago! So, lessee — I stick it in a can and put it by the door of the factory. Then all I have to do is walk away and — and kablooeeee! And nobody will ever know it was me.”
10I can probably trust he didn’t have a bumper sticker that says “Don’t blame me, I voted for Hillary”. That is, if he has a car that isn’t stolen.
11Addendum: I don’t know where the smiley face necklace fits in the story, unless it’s actually a locket full of meth.
12We have Film of the traffic stop
13https://youtu.be/GnmukLSs2rQ?t=147
But what was a Sergeant doing driving around in a stolen car in the first place?!?
14Good grief … that guy is only 40!?!? Wow!
15