Holy Crap: Glenn Beck Edition
Glenn Beck has gone full Jesus Wizard over Ted Cruz.
Glenn thinks that Ted has been anointed.
I have prayed about it by myself, out loud, in quiet, with my family, with my staff, and I happen to believe that Ted Cruz actually was anointed for this time. Would there not be someone that was in the pool that might have the right qualifications for God? Is he that disinterested in all of us? Or is it perhaps possible that just like in the Bible, people were raised from birth for a specific time?
Yeah, just like in the Bible. Just. Like. It.
I think he’s going to start start selling Ted Cruz prayer rugs.
I’m anxious to hear what side Glenn takes on rodent sex and copulating with Donald Trump. I suspect he’s for it.
Thanks to Carl for the heads up.
I’ so confused!!!!!
1Ted was anointed, all right. He went to the bathroom one day, and as he was sitting there felt some drops fall on his head. I urns out that the toilet drain on the floor directly above sprang a leak.
2Its not that I don’t like to think about it but I am totally amazed!
There is TV network, OAN or AON or some such thing, that is telecasting the satirical open carry at the R convention as the real deal!!!
3If Blockhead Beck thinks some one is anointed, there’s one more reason to steer clear. Sounds out like Teddy’s Dad did a number on olé Glenn. Wait for the tears to flow on Glen Beck’s radio show. What an absolute moron.
4DON’T THESE FOOLS READ THE CONSTITUTION?????
There was a very good reason why the Separation of Church and State was considered so vital to our Founding Fathers: hundreds of years of war, famine, death and destruction because of religious disputes.
Stop this nonsense.
5Male rodents are promiscuous by nature,but, they aren’t hypocrites about it like male rodent wingnuts. Real rodents don’t go to church on Sundays and lie about what they did all week long.
6The only anointing that Rafael ever got was Glenn’s tears as he knelt before him.
An even more horrible thought is the fate of the poor women identified as having had voluntary copulatory activity with God’s Chosen. Much worse, if it is actually true.
What is the line on whether this is true?
7Hunter S. Thompson and Bob Woodward coined the phrase “ratf@#ing” in the 60’s. The Urban Dictionary uses Karl Rove as the prime example.
8If the number of presidential candidates who’ve thought they were “anointed” and God’s chosen to lead the country were laid end to end, they’d…. Okay, I can’t come up with an image because I can’t get past the disgust. Unfortunately two of them did get there, even though one had to steal it. But all the rest have gone down in flames, including several this time around.
9You’d think Satan would get more credible spokespeople
10@Rhea – if they were laid end to end it would be called “The Great Wall of CaCa”.
11Ted WAS annointed by his papa, to be a king. Sigh. I feel sorry for Heidi.
12Marge, I can’t feel sorry for any woman who chose to marry Ted Cruz. I just hope she was fooling around on him so that none of his genes are in her kids. That man should NOT breed.
13I’m gobsmacked by the number of hours these guys have to pray to convince their overlord to tell them to do what they wanted to do to start with. Seems to me if the OL really wanted them to do it, they’d get their responses a whole lot faster.
Sort of like a kid begging his parents until they give in, isn’t it?
14No one should operate heavy equipment, or run for public office while delusional.
15djw for the win!
16Yeah, Glenn, he was anointed for ‘this time’ all right. Let’s hope when he’s run out of DC on a rail that he doesn’t get a second chance. Weiner didn’t, and his sins pale in comparison to VItter, McCain, and Newt, all serial cheaters.
17Why worry about “laying” them end to end when thinking about them getting laid is bad enough.?
18Why would the old Jesus make the new Jesus A Huge Canadian Asshole?
19I thought about this post and a better than mediocre comment that I could make. I got nuthin.
If I could I would sow salt onto the ground whereon Beck, Limbaugh, Hair Drumpf, Canadian/Cuban Ted, McStabby, R U BO, and maybe some others have trod to ensure grass never grow there again. A dramatic reminder can be helpful in preventing future miscues.
20If you’re a true believer with a direct red-phone hot line to the Big Guy in the Sky like the one that Glenn Beck has on his desk[1], then you know what the Big Guy wants. If the Big Guy wants a Cruz missile in the White House it isn’t a 1st Amendment problem it’s more like mass hysteria.
[1]It’s wireless because when the Big Guy wants to talk to you the bell just rings.[2]
21[2]And it has nothing to do with whether or not Clarence Thomas gets his wings.
* the right qualifications for God *
I wasn’t aware there was a job opening.
22@Don A in Pennsyltucky
I got a phone just like that in the boneyard behind my desk at the office. When someone asks what that relic is I tell them it may be old but it’s significant because every time it rings a nacilbupeR gets his wings. I’ve had possession of it since spring of 1985 and the bell aint never rung!
23So Cruz has been anointed? I guess the next step is to baptize him real good. Four-five minutes under should do it.
24Anointment was done by pouring oil on the head. He definitely looks greasy. And is.
25It must have been a “slow day”. God communicating with Beck?
26bud malone, that’s when the ace caveat is deployed: “God works in mysterious ways.” That’s all they have to explain Heidi receiving the word instead of Daffy, Jr or Sr. That’s pretty much their coverall for everything.
27(Gross out warning: those of you with weak stomachs, pass on by)
So, knowing a little about use of the term “anointing” from the political, monarchical, and religious usage of it, I looked on Wikipedia for more detail.
Well, well, the word “anointing” is also used in another way, much, much more in synch with its usage for and by any Repuke, and particularly the tres odious Sen. Cruz.
This meaning is that of “Self-anointing in animals”:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-anointing_in_animals .
Which seems most appropriate to me here, whether by DetesTED’s batcrap religio-insane daddy, Glennpiss Barf, or RevolTED hisself performing this kind of ‘anoinTed’ blasTed blasphemy.
To wit: Among a whole litany of gross behaviors, like your sweet widdle Fido rolling and rubbing around in that very dead, putrescent ‘possum corpse he found by the side of the road, “self-anointing’ himself, and those quoted below.
Of which most seem to fit this religio-political lunacy:
“Self-anointing in animals, sometimes called anointing or anting, is a behaviour whereby a non-human animal smears odoriferous substances over themselves. These substances are often the secretions, parts, or entire bodies of other animals or plants. The animal may chew these substances and then spread the resulting saliva mixture over their body, or they may apply the source of the odour directly with an appendage, tool or by rubbing their body on the source. [1]
The functions of self-anointing differ between species, but may act as self-medication, repel parasites, provide camouflage, aid in communication, or make the animal poisonous.”
Yeah, I can dig “poisonous”, and all the rest too…all these filthy gawddamned Repukes rolling around in their rotting putrescent mindsets.
28Oh yeah!
This is ‘Them’, DetesTED and TrumpeTed, having Repuke “Stink fights”. Stand clear:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-anointing_in_animals#Lemurs
“Lemurs
Main article: Ring-tailed lemur § Olfactory communication
Male ring-tailed lemurs have scent glands on their wrists, chests, and in the genital area.
During encounters with rival males they may perform ritualised aggression by having a “stink fight”.
The males anoint their tails by rubbing the ends of their tails on the inside of their wrists and on their chests. They then arch their tails over their bodies and wave them at their opponent. The male toward which this is directed either responds with a display of his own, physical aggression, or flees.
“Stink fights” can last from 10 minutes to one hour.[12]”
Or months, in the case of todays’ R prezdumbtial ringtail LemuRs.
29The thing with rodents is-right up front you know they are rodents.
30I would love to sit in on a Glenn Beck staff meeting where they hash out how much and what kind of malarkey they will serve up each day. I think it is impossible for any of them to actually believe it.
31Oh my poor poor olfactory system! Why wait for the septic field to act up when one has so much more fun watching the rethugs acting like angry chimps by throwing poop at each other.
32@Tilphousia
Such a succinct description of the 2015-2016 nacilbupeR campaign season, they stand around on a stage and throw poop at each other. And ultimately, one of these chimpanzees will be the snacilbupeR flag bearer in the November 2016 tag team mud wrestling event with the Dems. Stock up on popcorn now!
33@Sandridge: note that in the Wikipedia article “Anointing” the very first sentence says “Not to be confused with Self-anointing in animals.”
Of course, the meaning Beck is speaking of has to do with honor and consecration, both of which are nothing but a joke when associated with a lying jackass like Cruz.
34Though I do like comparing Cruz to the rear end of a musk ox.
35Teh Gerg @34,
Yep, I started there, then to the ‘anoint of the sick’ page too,
AKA: “unction”; also related to another Latin rooted word that is most appropriate for DetesTED- and most of the other Rescummies-:
UNCTUOUS, as is sanctimonious, acrimonious, and dozens of other ‘x-ious’ words.
I suspect that WEASELS also practice some weird “self-anointing” rituals (not listed) that might mimic the Ratnoints.
36“The only anointing that Rafael ever got was Glenn’s tears as he knelt before him.”
Oh Mark, that’s a nasty mental image and I don’t need to wonder just what Beck was really doing there on his knees.
I think the senior Oozy did indeed anoint the junior Oozy. He did it with heavyweight motor oil drained from the crankcase of a 1946 International Farmall tractor. The oil, never changed even once once in all the previous decades, drooled out from the drain plug, black as spades, in heavy, greasy, globs and slimy chunks. It was covered in moldy lumps of putrid green, the shade of calf-with-scours shit. The Oozys, being ecstatically delirious, welcomed the effluvious musk onto their holey bodies and into their gaping maws. They inhaled it into their very being, bathing in it, reveling in this confirmation from their pseudo god.
Sisters and brothers, can I get an Amen?!?
37The Gerg, I object. Musk ox rear ends are furry and cute. Cruz is the opposite of c…. Sorry, I couldn’t get those words to exist in the same sentence. But I’d be happy to look at a musk ox rear end.
Dang, hundreds of muskox photos online and it’s hard to find a rear end, except for calves, but that’s cheating in the cute department. Try this:
http://www.wediscovercanada.ca/img/musk_ox.jpg
38I stand corrected. I shall learn to appreciate musk ox butts.
@Sandridge: I see that you are a more serious researcher than I.
39Another chapter in IOKIYAR-ism…remember how much crap the right threw about how we supposedly thought Obama was “the one” or “the chosen one” because we thought he was going to bring change – and now you’ve got Glen Beck (and multiple others) saying Cruz (or Trump) is LITERALLY the chosen one.
Such bs man.
40Oh, Debbo, that was thoroughly disgusting prose. I think I love you! Amen!!!
41I have learned so much about the animal kingdom and farm tractor oil from this site, like STINK FIGHTS, which is a perfect description of the Repuglican presidential campaigns. I live to learn.
42Yeah, well, $arah Payme was allegedly anointed, too. I’m all for the separation of church and state, forever and ever, world without end, amen.
43