For The Darkness In Your Heart
We’re getting to keep our grandbaby this weekend to try to lighten all the darkness in our hearts.
But, if you’re not ready for that, Texas is here to help.
Two Texas zoos are ready to help you with every passive-aggressive instinct you’ve ever had.
The San Antonio Zoo and the El Paso Zoo are both running campaigns through Valentine’s Day to dedicate a cockroach after an ex and have it fed to an animal.
The El Paso event is free, but donations are suggested, while San Antonio’s costs $5 per roach.
The best part? You don’t have to live in either city. Both zoos are offering the chance for people to see all the munching action on their social media streams.
If you’re feeling particularly in need of releasing some of your worst thoughts, you can name a rat after Mitch McConnell and have it feed to a snake named Donald Trump. Okay, I’m lying about the snake being named Trump but you can have a pre-frozen defrosted rat fed to a snake for $25.
Their names (downer: first names only) will be posted on the zoo’s website. But, you could email Ted Cruz and John Cornyn and have them look for their names.
This is just another friendly free service of your beauty salon.
And on the positive side, it’s good for the zoo’s budget.
1I wonder just how many rats and cockroaches will be named Donald or Mitch. I do hope they allow repeat names at both zoos.
2This is brilliant! Twisted–but brilliant!
3For a mere $265 we can own the Senate! At $25 per rat, it will take just a little more to buy this maladministration. Will they throw in the Toddler-in-Thief for a tweet?
4This is indeed a wonderful time to be alive.
5Okay Ms. Juanita Jean Herownself, after a productive morning of naming roaches and rats in support of the zoo, took a dizzying trip down the rabbit hole of Bill Barr’s Bunny Ranch. Typically Republicon it went all white.
6Oops. What happened to El Jefe’s posts? I shared the Hookers for Jesus piece. Hope it was accurate.
7Ahh… Looks like it was.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2020/02/11/why-bill-barrs-doj-replaced-catholic-charities-with-hookers-jesus/
8I could spend a few hundred easily on rats. Let’s see…there’s Donald, Mitch, Lindsey, Rudy, Mulvaney, Devin, Steven, Kellyanne, Hannity (might be too poisonous to be edible) and Bill (a bit fatty for regular consumption).
9And I got a fundraising letter today from…wait for it…Lindsey Graham! AND it had a post-paid envelope! I have so much fun stuffing those with Sierra Club magazine pages and a nasty note and returning them! Now all I have to do is put Lindsey’s name on a rat…hope they have a blue snake to feed it to!
10Opionionated Hussy@10: many years ago, you could put the post-paid part on a brick (seriously, tape it there with boxing tape) and the USPS would deliver it and charge them for the cost.
Unfortunately now the post office will just dump the stuff and not charge the organization that sent out the reply envelopes. Plus, any place that gets unsolicited paper in the envelope can have the post office rescind the charge even after delivery.
It’s sad. I have an old tractor tire in my shed that I can’t get rid of otherwise. And Miss Lindsey could certainly use one.
11The Gladys Porter Zoo in Brownsville, TX should try this. It’s located in a bight of a resaca and has lots of the local [huge] cucarachas and resaca rats available.
” to see all the munching action “:
12Heh, my eldest daughter and I once witnessed a neat ‘lunch munch’ at the Gladys Porter Zoo. We were looking at some gators when a big grackle [like a crow] strolled too close to a hungry one, wham!, a huge snap, an explosion of black feathers and blood, and the grackle was gone. Daughter, who was about 8-10y/o, commenced screaming.