Cheer Up, Ted, Because It’s Only Going to Get Worse
Ted Cruz’s dad says that you are persecuting Ted. If that is true, you are real good at it.
First, he get caught non-tithing, which his father says amounts to stealing from God.
Then he gets in trouble for a fraudulent “voter report card” he felt was necessary to send to Iowa voters. The damn thing was awful, if not illegal.
Next, Phil Robertson, king of Duck Dynasty Squaller, spoke at one of Ted’s events and announced that gay marriage is “evil” and “wicked.” That guy thinks about gay sex more often than Liberace did. Personally, I think it’s creepy.
While Robertson was blowing the duck whistle, Glenn Beck also rambled on stage. Cruz defended Beck over his firing at Fox News by saying Beck wasn’t fired because he called President Obama a racist. No, sireeee.
Cruz suggested throughout the day, by the way, that Beck got kicked off Fox because he foresaw the rise of ISIS.
So now Fox News defends Isis? Holy cow.
Now I am certain that there’s some other wild-butt stuff Ted did this weekend that I don’t even know about.
Then, to make it a perfect day and to prove there is indeed a God …
Thanks to everybody for the heads up.
Choosing a particular favorite Cr-oozer moment from the past few days is difficult. We so enjoyed Pervangelist Sr. hoisting Teddie up on a cross, tying him to it with bacon, then lighting him up with a nail gun. That was good.
But then the sight of Perv Jr. sinking into a fair ground ooze of mud and bull offerings was also quite the metaphoric expression of all the mud and bull slinging Teddie does.
It’s been a good few days. We eagerly await the proverbial cherry on top tonight. That would be Perv Jr posting up in third or fourth position behind Donnie, Marco and Ben.
1Oh man..Cruz in 4th in Iowa! That would be awesome..in fact, even better if he finishes behind JEB!
2Meanwhile, Palin outdid herself this morning, when asked about Trump’s lack of religion. She said that we shouldn’t judge candidates on their personal beliefs and habits. This after she raised Cruz to the heavens as the perfect Christian for this perfect Christian nation in 2011. My goodness. The mud is indeed deep in the GOP.
So fitting to have him stuck in the muck and mire!
3For reasons too embarrassing and deeply seated to share I find this post and image pitifully amusing. You go Raphael ya Canadian ya. Eh?
4Had to stop laughing before I was able to comment. The Bard was soooo correct about “something stinketh” (paraphrased). The Cruz family takes stupid and just plain evil to new heights. Perhaps the deity they so love to invoke for all their schemes is sending a reply of what he thinks of them. Too bad the bus didn’t land in a pond of cow manure. Oh by the way, I heard that daddy Cruz isn’t listed on teddy’s birth certificate as his father. Ted’s momma listed her first husband as his dad. This gets curiouser and curiouser.
5Ted attempts to show affection to his daughter on the campaign trail by giving her a hug, instead squeezes until she shouts in agony, “ow, ow, OW!”
Video:
6http://gawker.com/heres-ted-cruzs-most-cringeworthy-attempt-at-human-affe-1756258762
Perfectly situated to land at the bottom…where he belongs.
7So help me, next up for the Cruzer is a lightening strike!
8Reminds me of a cartoon from 2008– Iowa has first votes because they have the best mud. Two GOPs flinging it at each other, HRC in mid-ferocious-leap and Obama braced to receive her attack, etc. Still makes me laugh. Wish I could link to it but it was a while ago.
Cruz and mud: if he stepped in a cow pie, he’d think he was melting.
9Tilphousia –
I don’t think that’s correct. What I heard is that Cruz’ mom listed her former husband’s last name on the birth certificate under “last name before marriage”. Which was correct, in that it was her most recent last name prior to becoming Mrs. Cruz. But I think what the document meant would have been her maiden name.
And every creepy, scary thing said about Cruz is true. But Trump is every bit as creepy and scary, and gets away with it every time. WHHYYYY???
10Don’t want to be too much of a stickler for detail, but shouldn’t “Duck Dynasty Squaller” be better as “Duck Dynasty Squalor”?
11Here’s an odd hope. That someone out there is saving all of this video for a 15 to 20 minute mashup that will play in prime time at the Democratic National Convention. Title it: This Is the Republican Party. The voters tend to forget. What a wonderful way to remind them about the crazy.
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