On New Year’s Eve.  It’s Alabama, so that part is understandable.

A Vestavia Hills couple got quite the surprise on New Year’s Eve when a nude man wearing a presidential mask creeped into their breezeway.

The man, who was naked except for what appeared to be a Ronald Reagan rubber mask covering his head and a sock covering his private parts, ran off when Jersey Belle’s Danielle Yancey and her husband spotted him. The ordeal, however, was caught on their home security video and later posted to Facebook as a warning to neighbors and others.

A naked guy in a Ronald Reagan mask and a sock.

Looks a lot like Jeb Bush to me.  I dunno.

I am now taking bets on when this will happen in Texas.

A guy was robbed of his gun by … wait for it … another guy with a gun.

A man practicing his open carry right was robbed of the gun he was openly carrying.

William Coleman III was robbed of his Walter- brand P22 just after 2:00 a.m. October 4 in Gresham by a young man who asked him for it — and flashed his own weapon as persuasion.

Coleman, 21, was talking to his cousin in the 17200 block of NE Glisan St., after purchasing the handgun earlier that day.

The clock is ticking for the ammosexuals to make their move.

When it happens, let me know.

I used to be an enormous fan of Blue Bell Ice Cream.  Until I found out that they knew they were likely to kill me and did nothing to correct it.

So, we are going to get to see a Texas corporation be held liable for depraved indifference and generally mean behavior.

Blue Bell Creameries is under criminal investigation by the U.S. Department of Justice for its handling of the ice cream contamination linked to 10 reported cases of listeriosis, a U.S. official has confirmed to CNN. Three of those believed to be sickened by Blue Bell frozen treats died.

Prosecutors are examining whether company executives committed wrongdoing in their handling of the outbreak.

The Little Creamery in Brenham might well become The Little Creamery in Prison.

I have to tell you that there were people in Texas with yard signs saying they supported Blue Bell. Of course, these are the same people who think Obama is trying to invade Texas and that being covered in tin foil ain’t just for turkeys anymore.

There was even one group trying to raise money to help Blue Bell clean up their filthy factories.

Listen.  They tried to kill you. They might as well been drunk holding a pistol to your head.  They knew their ice cream would probably kill you but they took your money and gave you a scoop of live germs.

It’s ice cream with nice commercials that don’t include a slogan like, “It’s just like Russian Roulette except with cones.”

Thanks to Bryan for the heads up.

I have a little note stuck to the top of my desk to remind me of something.  It says “Jeb! = The smart one.”

I have to have that note because otherwise I’d forget.

Jeb! was in South Carolina yesterday and was introduced to the audience by Republican State Senator Katrina Shealy.

He wanted to thank Ms. Shealy for the nice introduction, so he said to the audience …

“You should be honored to have her as your elected official. I hope you agree with that. That should be your nickname. In the Bush family, we always give out nicknames. Yours is now Hurricane Katrina.”

And Jeb’s! is now Dumbbutt.

Thanks to Bryan for the heads up.

Okay, so Donald trump ain’t scared of no global warming or climate change.

But what is he scared of?

Taking away his hairspray!  His hairspray!

“You can’t use hair spray because hair spray is going to affect the ozone,” Trump said, speaking at a rally in Hilton Head Island, South Carolina.

“Let’s see, I’m in my room in New York City and I want to put on a little spray, right? Right?” he continued as the crowd laughed in approval. “But I hear where they don’t want me to use hair spray. They want me to use the pump!”

Trump acted out using a pump. He said “bing, bing, bing” as he got the imaginary lotion out.

“And then it comes out in big globs, right, and it’s stuck in your hair. And you say, ‘Oh, my God, I got to take a shower again, my hair’s all screwed up.’ Right?” Trump asked. “I want to use hair spray. They say, ‘Don’t use hair spray, it’s bad for the ozone.'”

He continued: “So I’m sitting in this concealed apartment, this concealed — I really do live in a very nice apartment, right? — but it’s sealed! It’s beautiful. I don’t think anything gets out. And I’m not supposed to be using hair spray.”

I did not make that up.  He’s an angry man about hairspray.

Wait a second.  Donald Trump has hair?

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

I know it’s as frustrating as a Rubic’s cube when your computer doesn’t work and you have no idea how to fix it so you call a repairman and he doesn’t either.

But, damn, y’all.

Okay, so this guy is named Joe Condello, who is the former Legislative Director for Texas Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison.  He called a tech to his house to fix his computer.  The tech said the computer needed a new part and he’d go fetch it at the store.  That’s when all hell broke loose.

Mondello told the tech ”you’re not leaving this house until the computer is fixed” — a feat that would be difficult to accomplish without the needed parts.  That’s when [he] decided a Second Amendment Solution was in order. He left the room and returned with a what appeared to be a gun, telling the tech:

”I’m going to kill you slowly.”

All the yelling brought his wife to the room, who stood between her husband and the tech so the tech could escape.

Now, I have great sympathy for people who get frustrated because the damn cowboy-forsaken computer machine won’t work.  However, I have found that threatening to kill the tech rarely increases their efficiency.

Come to find out, it was a toy gun.  The intention, however, was real as rain.

Now in case you’re wondering who calls a tech to their house instead of taking it in to the repair shop, I have an answer for that  — people who do not want other people to know what’s on their computer no matter what.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.