Remember when ole Roy Moore ran for Senate in Aladamnbama?  Those were some fun times.

Moore got accused of being anti-Semitic during the campaign and to counter that, Moore’s wife went on national teevee and in a rage filled spittin’ spite outburst said, “one of our attorneys is a Jew.”  The fact that she said the word Jew as if it was sitting disgustingly nasty in her mouth for a couple of months did not help her situation any at all.

Come to find out, her son had a Jewish lawyer defending him against drug charges, but the Moore’s Jewish lawyer had become a Christian and been baptized before the Moores ever knew him.

Well, they have another distinguished lawyer on the team.

Garmon’s mug shot

Former Senate candidate Roy Moore’s attorney was arrested Wednesday night for charges of driving under the influence and for possessing drugs.

Trenton Roger Garmon, 39, was booked into the Etowah County Jail around 8 p.m., according to jail records. He was arrested by Gadsden police and charged with driving under the influence of controlled substances, second-degree possession of marijuana, and drug paraphernalia.

When Moore was asked for a reaction, he called it “fake news.”  They have an arrest report, a mug shot, and a bond set. Roy Moore is a fake human.

Look, I don’t know about you but if I was on a jury for a guy accused of drug possession, I’d convicted on the basis of the mug shot alone.

Thanks to Rufus for the heads up.

I thought y’all would be unsurprised but slightly amused that the French oak tree President Emmanuel Macron gifted to Trump gave its life for its country.

While being planted on the White House lawn, Macron said …

“100 years ago, American soldiers fought in France, in Belleau to defend our freedom. This oak tree will be a reminder at the White House of these ties that bind us.”

The next day the tree was uprooted and placed in quarantine.  Recent reports are that the tree died and just left  a big yellow spot on the White House Lawn.

It got Trumped.

Look, I get it. With the massive discontent in America today and a criminally culpable, corrupt, clueless, classless clown as an opponent, it feels like we could nominate a ham sandwich and take over the White House in 2020. This has led to a record number of ham sandwiches seeking the Democratic nomination for President: 24, at last count. We’re going to review them all between now and the first debate, so at least you’ll have heard of them.

Who DEY?

Maurice “Mike” Gravel is the son of French Canadian immigrant parents, one of whom arrived in the US literally 109 years ago. Yes, Mike is OLD: 89 years old. He’s long been a proponent of liberal and libertarian causes: anti-war, pro-pot, pro-“direct democracy” (think Athens ca 500 BCE). As a Senator from Alaska, he read the Pentagon Papers into the Congressional record in 1971, a seriously heroic and historic act of citizenship for which I’ll always honor him. Since losing his Senate primary in 1980, this is his second quixotic campaign for President trying to air his issues. He has stated he has no intention of winning a primary, he just wants to be in the debate. Not even that’s happening, so far.

Andrew Yang is the son of Taiwanese immigrant parents. After a brief stint as a corporate lawyer, he worked in a couple of startups, until founding Venture for America, which sought to train and place future entrepreneurs in communities often underserved by entrepreneurs. His efforts were twice recognized by the Obama Administration. His platform centers on what he calls “Human-Centered Capitalism” which is a form of social capitalism with universal basic income (UBI) as its cornerstone. He calls his UBI “The Freedom Dividend” because it polls better with conservatives. In a field dragged left after 2016, policies alone will not be enough to distinguish him in the debates.

Marianne Williamson was born in 1952 to an immigration lawyer and a homemaker. She has studied theater and philosophy at Pomona College. She dropped out to become a cabaret singer. She then became inspired by a book called A Course in Miracles which the author claimed was internally dictated to her by Jesus. She ran a metaphysical bookstore and coffee shop, lectured and wrote about A Course in Miracles, then got a boost in her career when one of her self-help books was featured on the Oprah Winfrey Show in 1992. She’s been vociferously active in a lot of liberal causes, ran and lost as an Independent for Congress in CA-33 in 2014, and so is naturally running for President in 2020. Her signature issue is Love, and her platform is agreeing with other candidates’ good ideas, which will be boring in the debates.

Wayne Messam, the son of Jamaican immigrants, was born in 1974. He attended Florida State where he studied football. He worked for a pharmaceutical company, quit, and started a general contracting construction business. He became a City Commissioner and then the Mayor of Miramar, Florida, famous for having the same name as the San Diego Naval Air Station in the movie Top Gun. His signature issue is forgiving student loan debt. He also dislikes guns, thinks the Paris Accords are good, wants a path to citizenship in immigration reform, and wants to repeal Trump’s tax cuts. He is the President of the National Black Caucus of Local Elected Officials, and so is naturally running for President of the United States. His deep resume and bold thoughts have not yet qualified him for the debates.

Fun fact: Messam was on the Cincinnati Bengals practice squad, for a time, and thus it’s appropriate that we end this “Who Dey?” group of wannabes, has-beens, never-wases, also-rans and contenders on that note.

new phone who dis?

When I was seven years old, I was enamored of the Apollo Program and aware that the President was in charge of the country, but not yet politically savvy enough to understand what it meant that he was Nixon. So I wrote a letter to the President asking how to become an astronaut, and inviting him to dinner if he was ever in town.

The White House responded with what I now know to be a standard letter and package of promotional material, and NASA kindly did the same. By the end of it all, I felt pretty important, but also understood I had to get through at least college before they’d strap me to the top of a Saturn V.  I was seven.

Meet Georgia Clark, an English teacher at Fort Worth’s Amon Carter-Riverside High since 1998. Her twitter handle, @Rebecca1939, has been recently deleted, but seems to suggest she’s 80 years old, or perhaps she’s enamored of the year Hitler invaded Poland. She claims to have edited her college newspaper in the Vietnam era.  Suffice to say, she’s somewhere north of seven years old.

Georgia had to delete her Twitter account, and change her phone numbers, because she thought she was sending a private Twitter Direct Message (DM) to Hair Twitler, the imPOTUS himself, which contained both her home and cell numbers in case he wanted to reach her, urgently. Sadly, Georgia’s messages were transmitted for the whole world to see.

What the world saw was racism.

You see, Georgia was completely disgusted by all the Mexicans ruining her school and her country. Her school had been “taken over” by “illegal students from Mexico.” She had “contacted the feds… and the person I spoke with did not want to… even listen to me.” (Small wonder.)  She needed “protection from recrimination should I report it to the authorities… the Mexicans refuse to honor our flag,” she whined.  “Anything you can do to remove the illegals from Fort Worth would be greatly appreciated.”

What happened next mystified her. “I asked for help…what I received was an alarming tweet from someone identifying himself as one of your assistants… followed by a second tweet with the f word…” While that certainly sounds like a Trump assistant, Georgia cannily “deleted” the tweets and reported them to Twitter.  Never mind that you can’t delete someone else’s tweet (you can block or mute the sender) but Twitter-savvy does not seem to belong to Georgia’s skill set.

What is in her skill set is a history of racist remarks to students  in a district that is 63% Hispanic.  Her tweets have included reminding Twitler of his promise to build a wall. She was suspended and reassigned from another high school after referring to the student body as “Little Mexico” and separating her class with non-Hispanic kids on one side referred to as Americans, and the kids on the other side as Mexico. Once a child asked for a bathroom break; she demanded to see his papers.

Texas once had laws that denied funding for undocumented children, and some public school districts attempted to charge them tuition to make up for the lost funds.  But in 1982, the Supreme Court struck all that down in a 5-4 ruling in Plyler v Doe.

Undaunted by settled law, Georgia’s not-so-secret messages ended up insisting to the President of the United States, “I really do need a contact here in Fort Worth who should be investigating and removing the illegals that are in the public school system.”

Georgia Clark, code name: rebecca1939, high school English teacher by day, secret ICE agent evenings and weekends.

I was seven.

What’s her excuse?

Happily, this evening, after an hour of public commentary, the Fort Worth ISD voted 8-0 to strap her to a Saturn V.  Georgia Clark was terminated for cause.

The Democratic Party race to the 2020 nomination to face Orange Julius Cheeser will kick off with their first debate at the Adrienne Arsht Center in Miami, on the evenings of June 26-27. Yes, it’s a two-day extravaganza of wannabes, has-beens, never-wases, also-rans and contenders hosted by NBC, MSNBC and Telemundo, all children of NBCUniversal, of the House of Comcast.

The First of His Name

Speaking of ’20, that’s the number of candidates who will be invited to the debate, 10 for each of the nights. Assuming that no one else decides to declare for the nomination in the next three weeks, that means that there will be 4 candidates of the current two dozen who will spend the two nights tweeting butt-hurt from the sidelines.  That is not as bad as it seems, because the top guns in the middle of the actual furball are only going to get about 10 minutes each on average to stand out from the madding crowd.

Some broke, some addled, four out

Who gets an invitation depends on polling and an odd measurement of “grass roots” support. For polling, a candidate must poll more than 1% three times in “qualified” polls, which encompass an array of media and polling giants, including FOX News but NOT RRRRRasmussen! The polls can either be national surveys or from any of the early states: IA, NH, SC, NV.

So far, 20 candidates have reached this threshold. This is the first decider.

If more than 20 candidate qualify via polling, grass roots fundraising is the next determinant. This is measured by unique donors to a campaign: a minimum of 65,000 comprising at least 200 donors from 20 different states. For this reason, you may see an onslaught of requests for micro-donations to micro-candidacies over the next week, as only 13 campaigns have reached the 65k mark.

Lookin’ at you, Mike Gravel!

Further tie-breakers are almost as complicated to calculate as the NFL Wild Card spot, but still rely on these two basic measures in varying combinations. The final date to have reached qualifying status in either measure is next Thursday, June 13.  Candidates will be assigned to a night randomly, thus avoiding any “kiddie table” talk; but, sadly, the “clown car” comparison will remain apt.

Selfie: all the Dems who think they can win

What all this all but guarantees is that anyone in the game right now, with even the faintest of chances, will have an opportunity to run to every medium they can reach crying “I was robbed!” and that practically nothing will be resolved prior to Detroit, on July 30-31, when they get to do it all over again.

In the biggest bomb to hit Britain since the Blitz, Dunning J Kruger has flown over to London.  First of all, you know Trump holds Britain in low regard because the Ambassador to the Court of St James – yet another pal of his – is Mr. Stiff Prick.

Actually “Woody Johnson”

On arrival, Trump called London Mayor Sadiq Khan a “stone cold loser” and, typically, misspelled his name while insulting his 5’6″ height. “Kahn [sic] reminds me very much of our very dumb and incompetent Mayor of NYC, de Blasio, who has also done a terrible job – only half his height.”  Meanwhile, Melania be’d best by appearing as Eliza Doolittle.

“Vouldn’t it be besterly?”

England is responding with their typical brio and aplomb.  The Vauxhall Bridge, which faces the US Embassy, has been festooned with 5 banners reading “Resist sexism”, “Resist racism”, “Resist hate”, “Resist cruelty” and “Resist Trump.”

London bridge is galling Don

The Museum of London is hoping to add this satirical blimp to their permanent collection in honor of a “controversial moment.” (No, really!) The 20′ blimp was approved to fly by Mayor Khan, who also earned Trump’s Twit-ire by likening his divisive rhetoric to “fascists of the 20th century.”

Traitor Tot

Inspired by that blimp, which originally flew last year, an American animatronic dinosaur creator has sent this to the UK: a 16′ robotic Trump at what we all know to be his morning toilette.

Twitler Toidy Boy

I wonder what kind of welcome the Queen has planned?

Yes, Ma’am