They never heard of you, either

June 08, 2019 By: Primo Encarnación Category: Uncategorized

Look, I get it. With the massive discontent in America today and a criminally culpable, corrupt, clueless, classless clown as an opponent, it feels like we could nominate a ham sandwich and take over the White House in 2020. This has led to a record number of ham sandwiches seeking the Democratic nomination for President: 24, at last count. We’re going to review them all between now and the first debate, so at least you’ll have heard of them.

Who DEY?

Maurice “Mike” Gravel is the son of French Canadian immigrant parents, one of whom arrived in the US literally 109 years ago. Yes, Mike is OLD: 89 years old. He’s long been a proponent of liberal and libertarian causes: anti-war, pro-pot, pro-“direct democracy” (think Athens ca 500 BCE). As a Senator from Alaska, he read the Pentagon Papers into the Congressional record in 1971, a seriously heroic and historic act of citizenship for which I’ll always honor him. Since losing his Senate primary in 1980, this is his second quixotic campaign for President trying to air his issues. He has stated he has no intention of winning a primary, he just wants to be in the debate. Not even that’s happening, so far.

Andrew Yang is the son of Taiwanese immigrant parents. After a brief stint as a corporate lawyer, he worked in a couple of startups, until founding Venture for America, which sought to train and place future entrepreneurs in communities often underserved by entrepreneurs. His efforts were twice recognized by the Obama Administration. His platform centers on what he calls “Human-Centered Capitalism” which is a form of social capitalism with universal basic income (UBI) as its cornerstone. He calls his UBI “The Freedom Dividend” because it polls better with conservatives. In a field dragged left after 2016, policies alone will not be enough to distinguish him in the debates.

Marianne Williamson was born in 1952 to an immigration lawyer and a homemaker. She has studied theater and philosophy at Pomona College. She dropped out to become a cabaret singer. She then became inspired by a book called A Course in Miracles which the author claimed was internally dictated to her by Jesus. She ran a metaphysical bookstore and coffee shop, lectured and wrote about A Course in Miracles, then got a boost in her career when one of her self-help books was featured on the Oprah Winfrey Show in 1992. She’s been vociferously active in a lot of liberal causes, ran and lost as an Independent for Congress in CA-33 in 2014, and so is naturally running for President in 2020. Her signature issue is Love, and her platform is agreeing with other candidates’ good ideas, which will be boring in the debates.

Wayne Messam, the son of Jamaican immigrants, was born in 1974. He attended Florida State where he studied football. He worked for a pharmaceutical company, quit, and started a general contracting construction business. He became a City Commissioner and then the Mayor of Miramar, Florida, famous for having the same name as the San Diego Naval Air Station in the movie Top Gun. His signature issue is forgiving student loan debt. He also dislikes guns, thinks the Paris Accords are good, wants a path to citizenship in immigration reform, and wants to repeal Trump’s tax cuts. He is the President of the National Black Caucus of Local Elected Officials, and so is naturally running for President of the United States. His deep resume and bold thoughts have not yet qualified him for the debates.

Fun fact: Messam was on the Cincinnati Bengals practice squad, for a time, and thus it’s appropriate that we end this “Who Dey?” group of wannabes, has-beens, never-wases, also-rans and contenders on that note.

new phone who dis?

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0 Comments to “They never heard of you, either”


  1. Jane & PKM says:

    Primo is that crop of “ham sandwiches” aware that we are hoping to elect the next President, not indict one?

    The exchange of ideas is great and everyone should run, but please dog have the wisdom to know when to quit. There’s plenty of room for talent. There will be a huge rock to roll up hill repairing the damage done by the current maladministration.

    A few thoughts: Senator Beto, Senator or HUD Secretary Pete,
    Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency Jay Inslee. To those not winning the top spot or tapped for VP, please do not go away. Campaign for our nominee and running mate. Then stick around to help govern, please.

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  2. Lunargent says:

    Thanks, Primo. Good information.

    Are you going to make it a series?

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  3. megasoid says:

    Caveat pending. Oh that?

    I have read a number of gaffe bombs from prospectives but nothing quite like this one from Andrew Yang:

    Mehdi Hasan: I’m wondering what it is that attracts neo-Nazis to your campaign. You’re a progressive Democrat.

    Andrew Yang: I believe that the problem that the truck driver is facing and the problem that the neo-Nazi is facing, it’s a disintegrating way of life. I mean, like obviously, their vision of the future is nothing we want.

    MH: Sorry, a neo-Nazi’s way of life is disintegrating? What do you mean by that?

    AY: Well, you know, they look up and this is obviously, this is just me projecting because I don’t know what the heck goes through other peoples’ minds. But if they looked up and say “Hey, Donald Trump’s the answer,” and they’re like “Woah, wait, Donald Trump’s not necessarily the answer.”

    https://theintercept.com/2019/06/06/why-is-andrew-yang-running-for-president/

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  4. Lunargent says:

    And THIS is why we need all the damned debates!

    Anyone can produce a nice campaign commercial, and come off well on a few carefully scripted TV interviews. They can mouth their variation of the party line.

    But an interview without prearranged questions? Or a debate where they’re being challenged, and have to think on their feet and respond? That’s where we find out who they really are, and what they’re made of. Are they fast? Thoughtful? Funny? Spiteful? We shall see.

    That being said, I assume that the massive 10-candidate “debates” that are coming up won’t be debates at all, but Q&A sessions with the moderators. But they’re a necessary first step, and should be very helpful in thinning the herd.

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  5. And the winner of the Jill Stein spoiler award goes to……
    Since that is what these flakes are auditioning for.

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  6. twocrows says:

    Um. As I read this I just kept coming back to the same thought — these could all be characters from the Discworld Series. Or Donald Westlake’s Dortmunder books.
    Take your pick.

    So I’m asking — is your article a work of fiction, please?
    At least the ones I mentioned above are enjoyable and are meant to be funny. So what dis?

    On the other hand, it IS the line-up for the US presidential contest — so I guess they COULD be real people.

    Heaven help us.

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  7. I was thinking 50-1 shots in the Kentucky Derby, but Discworld characters works too….

    Usually it’s Republicans who want to run for US President as their first elected office. Some of these folks are coming close.

    Lunargent, I have a problem with your claim that we find out “who they really are” when they “have to think on their feet and respond.” My IQ says I’m pretty intelligent, but many times I go blank or babble when I’m challenged for an immediate reply, and I do much better when I can take a few minutes and write a reply. I grant you they need to be able to get away from the prepared scripts and show that they understand what they’re talking about. But picking a President based on who can snap off a response or, as the press loves, a witty one-liner (though many of those are probably prepared in advance) is not necessarily a good foundation for a government. Reagan was noted for some of those, and look at him.

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  8. Debates didn’t save us from the dotard–and he looked exactly like the uninformed, narcissistic, bully he has proven to be in every debate I saw.

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  9. Lunargent says:

    Rhea –
    Point taken.

    And yes, there’s more required then being able to respond quickly. But getting away from the canned speeches and tropes that they use to campaign will help to reveal their essential characters; how they respond to pressure and criticism, etc. Will they play nice, or take a cheap shot? Defend their positions, or fold like a wet paper bag? And the debates are good basic training for going up against Trump, though he’ll be more vicious and far dirtier than any other opponent.
    The debates won’t be comprehensive enough to reveal all. But as I said, they should eliminate some low-hanging fruit.

    djw – I don’t know what to tell ya. People saw exactly who Trump was, and elected him anyway. As a species, we’re not as rational as we need to be.

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