Impeachment hearings start in a few minutes.  It *almost* froze here last night, meaning it’s colder than a witches’s teat in a brass bra to native south Texans who live here because snow is pretty for only one day but after that it’s frozen mud. It snows here once every 10 years or so and it’s gone after one day, which is perfect.

Today will be spent in my jammies and favorite housecoat watching the teevee.  I’ll be here if something big breaks but feel free to comment on anything you hear.

If Devin Nunes says “nude Donald Trump” one more time, angels will descend from heaven and sing the Hallelujah Chorus over California’s 22nd Congressional District.

AFTERNOON UPDATE:  Okay, here’s my question.  The reason that Bill Taylor and George Kent are hearsay witnesses is because the primary witnesses are refusing to testify.  If Pompeo ever gets the cajones that Hillary Clinton has, he can march his sweet patootie to the hearing room, get sworn in, and answer questions for 11 hours. Republicans can’t have it both ways.

They also can’t whine about not getting to question the whistleblower when we don’t get to question Rudy Giuliani. Besides, everything the whistleblower said was admitted to by Donald Trump.

Jim Jordan is what Republicans think a smart person sounds like.  First off, smart people rarely screech. They also rarely laugh out loud when they lose an argument, thinking smugly that they won.

The Supremes denied hearing a case brought by the Sandy Hook families against Remington Arms.

The Court decided not to take up an appeal by Remington. That marks a blow to the gun industry: Depending on the outcome of the case, it could open the door to gun violence victims’ families suing gun manufacturers for damages.

And, no, Little Bubba does not have anything to do with this case except for standing and applauding like all the rest of us.

One other thing while I’m at it. In Texas, I am required by law to carry liability insurance on my car. I think the same should be required of anyone owning rapid fire guns.

Republicans are trying to confuse the issue by demanding that Hunter Biden testify at the impeachment hearing.

Here’s my offer:  I’ll be all for Hunter Biden testifying if Ivanka Trump also testifies under oath. Or Jared.  Either one. Doesn’t matter to me.

Hey, if we’re going on a fishing expedition, let’s at least catch the piranha.

Rick Perry – bless his heart.

Mostly, all of Rick’s life, he has depended on the kindness of strangers – strangers who became his “friends.”

Rick is a tool. Smart people figured out that Rick likes the finer things in life. They got him elected to the kinds of political offices that can dispense monetary favors. They, in return, made sure that Rick’s tastes got satisfied.

He’s been caught before, but his quick smile and his ability to be the dumb country boy who loves Jesus got him off the hook.  Maybe not this time.

Two political backers of Energy Secretary Rick Perry landed a lucrative oil and gas exploration deal from Ukraine’s government shortly after Perry reportedly included one of the two men in a list of suggested potential advisers to Ukraine’s new president, according to The Associated Press.

The AP reported Monday that Michael Bleyzer was among four names Perry had recommended to Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky.

Rick Perry and Michael Bleyzer in Ukraine last year cahooting

Those two are tighter than skin on a sausage.  It’s nice to have friends in high places.  Especially those who are unwilling to testify under oath to the United States Congress.

I think it’s time for Rick to have another giant prayer rally.  We called the last one he had “Six Flags Over Jesus.”

(Here’s a joke hint for people from foreign states.)

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

My Grandpa grew up in the northeastern part of Arkansas and went to a one room schoolhouse.  He was a self educated man and knew more about ancient history than anyone I know.  He once told me that a sure sign of an educated man was someone who knew the difference between a quote from the Bible and one from Shakespeare. I found that amusing at the time, as did he, and I still do.

Because Senator Marsha Blackburn, Republican from Tennessee.

No, Marsha. I wasn’t Jesus.  Jesus warned us about hypocrites, stingy people, and false prophets. You know, people like you.

“Kill all the lawyers” came from Shakespeare, Henry VI, Part 2.  It came from a player named Dick the Butcher, recognizing that lawyers are what keeps tyrants from becoming all powerful kings.  Context, Marsha, context.

Thanks to Bubba the Lawyer for the heads up.

Okay, time for our Goofy Republican Politicians in Texas event, which truly should be daily.

You’ve met Sid Miller, our agriculture commissioner with barely double digit IQ points.  Sid’s the guy who charged the taxpayers for him to go to rodeos outside of Texas for him to compete.  He hired every friend he ever had to fill state jobs they were shockingly under qualified for.  He even paid to take his butt to Oklahoma and get something he calls a “Jesus shot” with taxpayer money.

He also says it’s okay to put untruths on his  Twitter page because it’s his opinion and he’s entitled to his opinion.  Yes, he said that. He said that he’s entitled to his wrong opinion.

He says he loves Jesus.  Which makes Jesus cry.

Well, he’s done it again.

Here’s the post he inappropriately responded to.

First, Confederate soldiers are not veterans. They are treasonous losers. The only flag they should have represent them is a white one. They quit. They surrendered. They were not fighting on America’s side. Yeah, I do have strong feelings about this.

So here’s Ole Sid’s response.

After catching hell over it because confederates were particularly fond of lynchings, Ole Sid told us, “Good grief people, it’s a joke,” and saying it was a reference to a Pace salsa commercial.

About 25 years ago Pace salsa had a commercial on teevee.  It had some old cowboys sitting around a campfire eating. One of them commented on how good Pace salsa is because it’s made in Texas. Other brands were made in New York City.  “New York City?” the cowboy asks. “Get a rope.”

Anybody 25 – 30 years old isn’t going to get the reference. Nor will anybody who didn’t live in Texas 25 years ago. Which kinda means pretty much everybody.

Thanks to Steve for the heads up.