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Juanita does not watch Fox News.  Thelma, who is a provisional member of the Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club watches it constantly.

“Bless her heart,” Juanita comments, “Thelma thinks Fox is real news.  She also think People Magazine is just like Newsweek except for more pictures of Brad Pitt.”

Thelma came to work today all filled with piazazz from something she saw last night on Sean Hannity’s show.

“Juanita,” Thelma began while defying several laws of physics with all 280 pounds of herself  perched atop stiletto pumps  while stuffed into giraffe print stretch pants and a red silk blouse with a bow bigger than her butt.  Thelma believes in balance.  “Juanita,” she says again because she got distracted by the smell of kolaches the first time, “even you, the liberal, will like this.”

“Sean Hannity, the dreamboat,” she continues with stars in her eyes, “had Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann on his show last night and  …”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Thelma, pull in on them reins, Hon,” Juanita warned.  “Unless you’re gonna tell me there was lesbian bondage involved, I’m highly apt not to like this at all.  Don’t say ‘Hannity, Palin, and Bachmann’ and then ‘Juanita will like’ in the same sentence unless there’s an opportunity for extortion.”

“No, now listen up,” Thelma continues, “Sean suggested that 2012 should have a Palin/Bachmann ticket for President …. and wouldn’t that ”

Gagging noises drowned out anything else Thelma had to say.

“But I thought you’d support women, you being a liberal and all,” Thelma stomped, registering 3.6 on the Richter Scale.

“Thelma,” Verdelia jumped in because a fight like this between Thelma and Juanita is gonna end up with a hot curler duel, “you know as well as I do that those two women are about a quart low on estrogen which hardly don’t even qualify them as hooter toters.  Sean just said that because he wanted to see them kiss or something.”

Truth be know, Juanita wasn’t upset about this news.  In fact the more she thinks about it, the more she likes it.

I do, too.

o

Living in Texas, Juanita knows all about Big Butter and Eggs Men.

“Lotsa fellas made heaps of money during the oil boom.  The  term McMansion became popular around here because the oil boys were building mansions so fast that they begin to look like cookie cutters,” she explains.

“But there’s a whole new breed Butter and Eggs men who did not make their money through hard work.  They made it off your backs,” she points at a picture on the wall of the goofy Teabaggers.  Okay, so it’s not a picture – it’s a dart board.  But, it kinda looks like a picture.

“One such man is Paul Zabczuk,” she begins.

Former UBS AG client Paul Zabczuk was charged by U.S. prosecutors with filing a false tax return in 2004 that failed to report income he earned on his Swiss bank account.

The resident of The Woodlands, Texas, was charged today in federal court in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. He faces as long as three years in prison, according to court records. Zabczuk has entered a plea agreement with prosecutors and is scheduled to change his plea on April 13, court records show.

“And with all that money he saved in taxes,” Juanita rolls her eyes, “he used to buy a home right here in Texas up the road toward Dallas.  He was so proud of it that he gave a testimonial.”

“Now, I don’t have a picture of his house,” she admits, “but I do have some examples from his builder.  His builder appears to be the McMansion King.”

“And what does this have to do with the Teabaggers?  Well, Honey, Zabczuk is just the kind of guy the Teabaggers want to protect from higher taxes.  And he thanks them by not paying taxes at all.  I hope he invites them to spend the night in his McMansion while he’s in prison.  But, I doubt it.”

o

Juanita is white hot mad. She’s all horns and rattles this morning.

She read some of the local real blogs last night.  Bad mistake.

There’s a mess bigger than a basket of wire coat hangers at the Fort Bend Independent School District and  the local damn fools are blaming “the liberals,” and the “liberal education take-over,” and one guy even said that you can expect this kind of thing when you elect a socialist President.

“Caca del toro,” Juanita shouts this morning when telling us about it.

“Just for fun, I looked up the voting record of our school board members.  There are 7 school board members.  Six of them are what we call triple R Republicans.  Hard core kiddos who vote in every Republican primary, some of them for as long as record keeping goes back,” Juanita announces.

“One of them – Daniel Menendez, voted in Republican primaries consistently until 2010.  He voted Democratic this election.  Hell, he even voted in the Republican primary when Barack Obama was on the ballot  and it mattered.”

“Heckfire,” she continues, “even the Superintendent is a Republican.  He’s voted in Republican primaries since he got here.”

“I ain’t listening to them try to blame Democrats for the mess that Republicans made,” she stomps.

“However,” she says with a sly grin, “I do have some news about the mess that Democrats made.  Well, it’s not really a mess.  In fact, you might refer to it as the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.”

“The only – I repeat, ONLY – Democratic Mayor in Fort Bend County, Leonard Scarcella, my friend and the smartest guy I know, had a little announcement this week ——

While a lot of cities and other public sector governmental agencies are dealing with budget issues or shortfalls, Stafford not only is debt free, it even has a budget surplus in spite of sales tax revenue being down 20 percent.  “We resisted strongly with regard to debt,” he said speaking about projects such as roads improvements and many other things that cities typically borrow from cash reserves to accomplish.  “We want to make sure to use the money we receive not to pay interest and escrow payments related to bonds, which can be quite sizeable, but have all the money to pay,” for necessary projects.

“So, the city of Stafford has a budget surplus, and even built the outstanding Stafford Centre to bring extra class and culture to their city, and their leader is a hard core, liberal, yellow dog Democrat.  And let me rub this in a little harder to really make the GOP seethe – Stafford has no property taxes.  None.  Zero.  I am not kidding,” Juanita says.

“And,” she recalls with a smile the size of Vermont, “I do recall that Leonard Scarcella pulled his city out of your school district and founded they only municipal school district in Texas in 1977 because he was sick, sick, sick of your big spending ways that didn’t benefit his minority kids.”

“Not only is his city doing fine, so is his school district.” Juanita sticks a needle in a another Republican balloon.  It’s her job.

0

o

“Wee Winkie Call,” Thelma announces, giving Juanita a high five as she struts by the front desk, pointing at something Juanita needs to read on the internet machine.

Charles Alan Wilson of Selah, Washington, is this week’s winner of the Wee Winkie Contest.

The Wee Winkie Contest was invented by Juanita many years ago when rewarding local county commissioners for their need to have their seats in the commissioner court room site exactly three inches higher than everybody else.  She still contends that they came up with that number while sitting around playing with rulers in their laps.

The award has come to be given to men who feel the need to drive pick-ups with enormous tires on them, talk loudly about how very cool they are, or display other behavior indicating that they might not be as big as they want to seem to be, if you know what I mean and you do because you wouldn’t have read this far if you didn’t.

Charles Alan Wilson got his wee Winkie Award for calling Senator Patty Murray’s office and talking nasty and then talking violent.

An FBI agent’s probable cause statement says Murray’s office in Seattle reported the threats, which were left on voice mail from a blocked telephone number. Agents say they traced the calls to Wilson’s home in Selah, near Yakima.

Murray’s office told the FBI it had been receiving harassing messages from the caller for months, but they became more threatening as Congress was voting on health care legislation.

Excerpts of the expletive-laced messages transcribed in court documents show the caller saying he wanted to kill the senator, and it would just take one piece of lead.

“Woo, woo, real big man,” everyone in the shop said in unison.

“Now, I know that Rush Limbaugh is going to defend this guy,” Juanita says, “and that’s just because Rush is in the Wee Winkie Hall of Fame.  We retired his number.  It, of course,was two.”

Verdelia loves that and thinks it’s funny.  Buck Pochek, two time winner last year alone, does not.

o

o

…. I’m going to go to the courthouse and get arrested.

No, I will NOT keep my head still the whole time I’m in a courtroom.  I need to breathe.  Plus, I often like to check behind me. I swear to Betty Above that you cannot make me keep my head still in a courtroom.  I will most certainly be arrested for looking at a bailiff and saying, “Make me, Honey.”

Plus, I’ve broken at least three of Judge Vacek’s rules on any given day.  And, I plan on breaking more as soon as I find time.

These guys have gotten so cocky and arrogant that it’s time to replace them all. They look upon the public with disdain and distaste,  and I will get myself arrested one day for reminding them that they are here to serve the public.

Congrats and thanks to Bev Carter for kicking up some dust.