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Dear Ms. Falkenberg,

It was with great interest that I read your opinion piece about Governor Rick Perry misstating that the drop out rate in Texas schools is only 10% when it is actually at least 30%.

I also understand that Governor Perry blamed this, in part, on Texas children who die being counted as drop outs, accounting for 601  students out of the 134,000 who drop out every year.

And I also understand that Governor Perry says that some of these drop outs are actually students who transfer to other states, forgetting his own tout that Texas takes in more students than leave.

I am proud that you have dispelled Governor Perry’s myth that Texas education needs no improvement.

However, I do not concur with your opinion of what caused Governor Perry to spout that 20% of Texas schoolchildren do not figure into his record of success.  I take deep issue with your assessment that Governor Perry’s motives for this misstatement is “playing games with the numbers,” or that we can blame it on “impaired judgment to short-term memory loss to feelings of grandiosity.”

No, Ms. Falkenberg. Governor Perry said that because he’s a mean ignorant son of a bitch.

Thank you for your attention in this matter.

Love and Fried Okra,
Juanita Jean Herownself

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We have a black President of the United States.

Some folks are having a terrible time adjusting to that.

A lot of them live in Texas.

And some of them have found a wonderful way to say that they want to go back to counting blacks as 3/5th of a person, women having no vote, and white property owning men getting the damn respect they deserve.  They call it Going Back to Our Founding Fathers.

They call themselves The Independent Conservative Republicans of Texas.  They have 5 thingies they believe in.

-Stand for conservative principals and to put people before Party.

-Fiscally accountable, limit the size of government, and fight for free market principles.

-Protect our borders and to support a strong military.

-Protect life, support strong family values, and uphold the Judeo-Christian beliefs our nation was founded upon.

-Honor the Constitution and protect the sovereign rights of Texas.

Those are some very pretty words that mean:  we believe in letting the banks own the country, the church own women’s bodies, the military industrial complex own the teenagers, nobody owns the Mexicans, and don’t forget to hate the Muslims, all because Jesus said so, dammit.

The Independent Conservative Republicans of Texas seems like an awfully long name for a bunch of old white guys scared witless by a world where someone dares to question that mental prowess, their physical strength, their amazing wisdom, and their lite beer.

Juanita suggests that we call them The Scared Witless Willies.

It’s a start.

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…. Rick Green.  He’s currently in the GOP run-off hoping to beat an incumbent Democrat on the Texas Supreme Court in November.

“Honey, we can only grow this quality of crazzzy person in Texas.  Other states have tried, but David Vitter and Mark Sanford don’t come close in the long haul when placed against good ole Texas fertilizer,” Juanita says proudly.

“You know how up North they take crazy people and put them in the hospital and try to cure them?  Hell, in Texas we run them for Judge,” she explains.

Green once punched a political rival on election day 2006, and his four-year tenure as a legislator in the Texas House was marked by controversies like the time he filmed an TV infomercial for a nutritional supplement in his Capitol office.

But what has Texas liberal groups most worried is Green’s ideology.

“Uh huh, Babe, we don’t care that he hits people.  We don’t even care if he abuses the capitol building.  We’d even let him go hunting on  Appalachian trail.  That’s minor stuff considering that he’s so rightwing nutty that even Alberto Gonzales endorsed his Republican opponent. He’s drooling nuts,” Juanita is certain of that.

What Green does spend much of his time and energy on — in addition to a home-schooled family with four children who travel with him in a campaign bus emblazoned with a big family photo — is WallBuilders, “a national pro-family organization that presents America’s forgotten history and heroes, with an emphasis on our moral, religious and constitutional heritage.” Green’s campaign Web site said he “speaks to about 100,000 people in live audiences each year and millions more through radio and television.”

“Now, I doubt that he can win in November and he might be fun to run against,” Juanita suspects, “but I don’t believe in taking chances.”

“This will be a race to watch on Tuesday night.  It’ll tell us who is running the GOP in central Texas – Alberto Gonzales or Jerry Falwell.  Okay, so both are creepy.  I get that,” she nods.

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You will not be shocked to know that Juanita has a suggestion for a replacement for Justice John Paul Stevens.

“First of all, it has to be woman,” she begins.  “Don’t even start with that whole ‘oh, two women in a row’ crapola.  Nobody ever complains when we have two men in a row do anything.”

“Next, it has to be a liberal.  I’m not talking a nice moderate-type woman like Judge Sotomayor.  I’m talking a knee-jerk, bleeding-heart, Palin-slappin’ witch liberal.  I’m talking somebody who’ll say, “Okay, so you boys wanted a corporation to be a person?  That’s cool, Baby.  Now start pouring the cement because Massey Energy is going to jail for negligent  homicide.”

“Look, the Hatemongers are going to object to anyone who Obama appoints.  The way I see it, we might as well get our money’s worth,”  Juanita says with conviction and bright red lipstick.

“I want a liberal female who will make Rush Limbaugh’s head explode and then stand over him with a switch until he cleans up the mess,” she says.

“I want Hillary Clinton.”

“Hillary Clinton would be a great Supreme Court Justice.  Putting her on the court would give her 20 years of influence.  I trust her with our laws and with being able to influence other people.  Plus, it would drive the rightwing out of their nutty little pointy heads.  She’s meaner than ten acres of snakes and she don’t back down.”

“I want you to give this some thought,” she suggests.

And, if it can’t be Hillary, I want my dear friend, State Representative Senfronia Thompson to get it.  Not only is she one of the smartest woman I know, she’s also one of the funniest.  She’s a hurricane with two eyes.  You wanna know how much junk she would put up with from Clarence Thomas or Antonin Scalia?  Count the feathers on a hog, Baby.  Just count ‘um.”

“The way I see it, the line-up is like this   –

1. Hillary
2. Senfronia
3.  Some damn fool”

“Anybody with suggestions is welcome to pipe-up,” she offers.  “But anybody who suggests a moderate man better find a hole because I’m coming after you with intent to barbeque.”

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So, I’m in the bookstore today and I see a copy of Sean Hannity’s book, which is amusingly called Conservative Victory, an oxymoron.

So, I asked myself, “How come that boy can’t open his eyes?” in both the literal and figurative sense, you know.

Does closing your eyes make it easier to believe that Obama has a “Radical Agenda?”

Juanita can’t figure it out either.  When I showed her the picture of the book, she said, “Open your damn eyes, Sean.”  She’s said that before.  Many times.  It just never involved pictures before.

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“Women are simply Angels and when someone breaks our wings we simply continue to fly  ……  on a broomstick.

We’re flexible that way.”

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