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So Juanita is in Corpus Christi at the State Democratic Convention and is enjoying herself.

The sun is out, there’s a great breeze, and – most importantly – no oil or teabaggers!

She seriously thought about taking her laptop with her tomorrow to the convention and then said, “Oh hell no, that’s blogger stuff.  I am not a blogger.  They won’t even let me join the blogger club.  I ain’t sitting there sending text messages to the person sitting next to me.”

So, you might get a report tomorrow night, or you might not.  That’s the chance you take when you depend on a unblogger for your news.

Meanwhile, Juanita is glad she left town, because apparently all hell broke loose in the beauty business after she left.

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Okay, customers, the Democratic state convention is this weekend so the shop will be closed.

However, beware to anyone who might want to break in and steal Juanita’s beauty secrets because Verdelia and her shotgun are staying here and at Juanita’s house.

I’ll be posting pictures and updates from the convention.  Juanita is threatening to picket the Blue Dog Caucus.  She’s bringing poster board and markers just in case they start thinking they are Democrats in any way, shape or form.  In fact, she fully expects them to apologize to BP.  After all, it was a Texas Blue Dog Democrat who gave tax money welfare to the Texas Energy Center to research  more ways to drill offshore.

“They can kiss my big blue butt,” she says.  “Blue Dog Democrats are creepy people who are only concerned about getting elected.”

Texas Congressvarmint Louis Gohmert, a man so ugly that his cooties have to close their eyes, has also apologized to BP.  In fact, he took it to Hitler.

“No, I am not kidding,” Juanita says.  “Would I be kid about the pod aliens coming from a foreign planet and feasting the brains of Texas Republican Congressmen?  Okay, so maybe I would, but dammit this is serious bidness.  Texas Republican Congressmen have proven that insanity is contagious.”

“Louis does not believe that Obama is Hitler.  He just says that stuff to hear the Klan cheer,” she assures us.

“Louis is powerful ugly and dumber than bean dip.  Amen.”

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With all the crappy stuff going on right now, Juanita and her customer Alfredo thought you might enjoy a pleasant thought.

Convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff, still serving a sentence for defrauding clients and conspiring to bribe public officials, has a new job: He’s selling pizzas in Baltimore rather than influence in Washington.

Abramoff, recently released from a federal prison camp in Cumberland to a halfway house in Baltimore, began working Monday at Tov Pizza on Reisterstown Road.

“I think people get a second chance,” said Ron Rosenbluth, owner of the shop, which boasts of the city’s best kosher pizza — which means lots of veggie options but no meat. “If they do their time, they deserve a chance.”

“I wonder if he delivers,” Juanita grinned.

“But, Honey, when Tom DeLay is working at the dairy Queen, I will be a happy woman.”

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“Well, stick a gavel in my ear and call me Dumbo,” Juanita slammed a can of hairspray on the counter when she saw this.

“The federal judge who overturned Barack Obama’s offshore drilling moratorium appears to own stock in numerous companies involved in the offshore oil industry—including Transocean, which leased the Deepwater Horizon drilling rig to BP prior to its April 20 explosion in the Gulf of Mexico—according to 2008 financial disclosure reports,” Yahoo News reports.

“Is there anybody who is not a wholly own subsidiary of big oil?  Have they just bought the whole damn country?  Are they slick in more ways that we can count?”

Juanita is fed up.  Big Time.

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Juanita has a dog named Truman.  Roosevelt is her favorite president, but Truman is a close second.  Hairy Truman seemed like a good dog name to her.

She did not name her dog Douglas MacArthur. “There’s a reason for that,” she explains.  “MacArthur was a megalomaniac who believed his own press.  He insulted his commander in chief. In 1951, Truman fired this very popular general and took the heat for a few months until people realized that MacArthur was mentally ill and never should have held command.”

“On the other hand, Stanley McChrystal isn’t mentally ill.  He’s just incredibly stoopid.  Why the hell was he talking to Rolling Stone in the first place?  Frankly, I’m stunned,” she admits.

“He should be fired and relieved of duty immediately.  Verdelia has volunteered to clean out his desk for him,” she offers, “and Thelma wants his very cool boots.”

“Drop and give me fifty, Stanley.”