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Most of you know that Ron Paul, sire of the terminally goofy Rand Paul, is a congresscritter in Juanita’s county.  Accordingly, she just can’t avert her eyes when Rand Paul says something that sounds like a 3 year old fighting for toys on a play date.

“I’ve tried to ignore him, but I can’t.” she admits.  “It’s a car wreck with a house fire on a sink hole.”

And now Rand Paul is offering job advice in the bad economy.

Republican U.S. Senate candidate Rand Paul on Friday urged Americans who have been unemployed for many months to consider returning to the workforce in less desirable jobs rather than continue relying on government unemployment assistance.

“So you recently unemployed school teachers should gut up and pick up garbage,” she suggests.  “Oh, so they’re laying off sanitation workers, too?  Well, maybe the sanitation workers could get jobs teaching kindergarten.”

“Rand Paul is the world’s first spherical twit – he’s a twit no matter what direction you look at him,” she sighs.

And yet, later in the interview, Rand Paul says —-

In another radio interview, with a Bowling Green station on Wednesday, Paul defended his acceptance of Medicare and Medicaid payments as an eye surgeon for the last 17 years. Paul said he wants sweeping cuts in federal spending, but as a doctor, he has little choice but to serve patients covered by the massive federal health-care programs.

“I work hard and I don’t see any other person in this country who’s gonna work hard and not be paid for it,” Paul said.

“Whoa, wait, hold on, pull in on them reins …. didn’t you just suggest that they should get another job instead of taking government money?” she asks Rand Paul who isn’t in the room but probably listens to cosmic sounds and Juanita’s voice might be louder than the voices in his head.

“The Looneytarians make my teeth itch,” she announces.

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“Haley Barbour is cross eyed, buck toothed, loud mouthed son of a motherless goat, dammit,”Juanita hollers.

“Oh no, it ain’t enough that Joe Barton has to apologize, now we have Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour, a chubby sweet-lookin fella with a prissy way about himself, spewing mule dung out of his mouth.”

Juanita is throwing around hair brushes and cussin’ up a storm.

Mississippi’s Republican governor, Haley Barbour, said on Sunday that the temporary moratorium on offshore drilling imposed by the Obama administration is worse than the catastrophic oil spill caused by the explosion of the Deepwater Horizon rig.

“Governor, what’s worse, the moratorium or the effects of this spill on the region?” asked “Meet the Press” host David Gregory on Sunday. Barbour responded, “Well, the moratorium… the spill’s a terrible thing, but the moratorium is a terrible thing that’s not only bad for the region, it’s bad for America.”

“Bad for America?  Does that pig face jerk think an oil spill the size of North Dakota is a GOOD thing?”

“Haley, you sunburned unbathed farm varmint, there is no promise that the oil out there is even going to America.  And jobs?  Hell, we could put these folks to work cleaning this mess up and they’d get paid just the same.”

“You know who this is bad for, Haley?  It’s bad for your fat cat oil men.  You know, the good ole boys who feed you and take you to the country club.  They’re the ones who are hurting.  They can sure the heck fire tarnation afford to hurt more than a gulf coast fisherman or the barrier islands we need in a hurricane.”

“Haley Barbour can kiss my patootie,” she storms.  I know for a fact that she means it.

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There’s some happy news at the Beauty Salon this morning.

“Our friend El Grande Jefe Bob is headed out to the Horizon disaster site today with NBC.  He’ll be on MSNBC off and on during the day and maybe, just maybe, on the NBC Nightly News,” Juanita smiles.

“If you want to know what’s really happening out there, watch El Grande Jefe,” Juanita says.  “I told him that I’d give him a free haircut if he got me Rachel Maddow’s autograph.  You’d think he should be willing to deep dive and cap that sucker himself for a prize like that, but nooooo…..”

“And tomorrow, I, of course, will be reporting live from Cabo San Rosenberg right here on Channel Juanita.  Can’t be having Bob show me up.”

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Juanita had a run-in with Rahm Emanuel back when he was head of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee and she saw him waste money right here in her own district like money grew on trees and he had the concession on fertilizer.

“Never liked him and always will,” she admits.  “He ran campaigns in my district from Washington, DeeCee, when he did not know the lay of the land and worked hard to hack off the locals.  To tell you the truth, Rahm walking into a campaign is the same as twelve good folks leaving.  A pickel barrel full of feather is more helpful than he is.”

“I think he wants to be Sam Rayburn.  But Mr. Sam used a dinner knife, not a sledgehammer.  Mr. Sam made friends, not enemies.”

“So, my heart does not break with the news that Rahm is leaving,” she says.  “The only problem I have is that he’s not leaving soon enough.  We need him gone to win the mid-terms.”

“I wish he’d cut the chain on the anchor and row away so fast that the friction makes the water in the Potomac boil.”  We think she means it literally.

“I understand that the Republican Party needs a couple gallons of smart juice, but I think the Democrats drank it all,” Juanita suspects.  “Lookie here at this ad.”

“It looks like Old Whore Joe Barton gave Democrats the boost they needed.  Let’s strip him nakkid and dump his wrinkly old butt in the Gulf of Mexico with a can of hairspray, a bottle of Diet Pepsi, two ball point pens, and an inflatable lifeboat with a slow leak.  He can McGiver his way home,” Juanita grins.

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“I have often said that Verdelia has never killed anybody, but that she has read a few obituaries with more than the appropriate amount of glee,” Juanita begins.  “I feel the same way about this situation with the Republican Party of Texas.”

According to the latest filing with the Federal Election Commission, the party had $264,863 cash on hand and $501,174 in debt. Munisteri said the party actually owed $605,835. The Republican National Committee recently paid a bill worth $134,000, he said; otherwise, the RPT would owe $739,000.

“I have both a big debt, and we’re losing money every month,” he said.

“Hummmm ….. conservative leadership?  Hummmm ….. fiscal responsibility?  Hummmmm ….. balanced budgets?”

“Republicans walk like they talk?  Sure, and I’d be the Queen of Ohio.  If I lived in Ohio.  And could get elected queen,” she says.

“Being a believer in democracy, I would not wish ill will on any political party, however I did read this will more than the appropriate amount of glee.  Oh hell,” she admits, “that’s a big fat lie.  I am delighted.  It couldn’t happen to a more deserving bunch of folks.  I’d have shot them myself if I could have.”

“Now, everybody keep an eye on them because they are going to shakedown big insurance and big oil to fill their leaking coffers.  You heard it here first,” Juanita says.  “Sure as hurricane season, it’s gonna happen.”