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My friend Jerome Murphy has a take on the Republican Party of Texas generously financing the Green Party’s effort to get on the ballot.
Jerome is the Official Cartoonist of The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc. He’s plenty proud of that, as well he should be.
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This is local stuff, but the same damn thing is probably happening in your county.
For years, our Republican-run county government has been spending money like drunken sailors. They have an edifice complex. They love the sounds of a bulldozer, so they have built buildings we don’t need and/or are out-of-date before they even open, like the Taj MaLaw they’re building now.
They have hired all their buddies and spent more on ‘consultants’ than it costs to land on Boardwalk with three hotels.
To raise money for this massive spending without raising taxes, they simply got their friends elected to the Central Appraisal District and upped our home evaluations far beyond the true market value. That way, they could say, “Lookie here, we haven’t raised your taxes and your house is worth more. We Republicans are wonderful!”
“Well,” begins Juanita Jean Herownself, “this Ponzi scheme just fell apart like a five dollar suitcase in a bus station.”
Fort Bend County officials are worried that lawsuits filed against the county’s central appraisal district by property owners may negatively affect the county budget being put together.
“These legal battles could result in millions of dollars being paid back to taxpayers who were scammed over the past years by falsely inflating their property value,” Juanita says.
“Because of these lawsuits’ potential victories at trials, there is a strong possibility that the county will have to pay back money to property owners,” he said. “That will take away from the county revenue.”
Morrison said he believes the county may have to cut checks “in the millions” of dollars.
“Now, this wouldn’t be so bad except that our Republican county officials have already budgeted and spent that exact same millions of dollars,” Juanita continues, “so their position is that we should just accept that we got screwed and give them the money.”
“Am I upset about this? Does a cat have climbing gear?”
The Fabulously wealthy Bob and Andy
“But, genius never sleeps, so I, of course, have a solution to this mess,” she proclaims. “Our county judge, Bob Hebert, ran on the platform that we could trust him because he was – and these are his words – ‘independently wealthy’, so we could trust him with our money and he would never steal from us because he was fabulously rich! Republican county commissioner Andy Meyers claimed that he was a financial expert, so I suspect he’s invested his own money well, and ours … not so much.”
“My suggestion is that both Andy and Bob refund their salaries to the taxpayers they’ve been screwing all these years.”
“THAT, my friends,” she grins, “is the market correcting itself.”
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Remember how everybody was oh so relieved that Crazy Cynthia Dunbar decided not to run again for the Texas state school board? Remember how everybody thought the Republican woman running in her place was a moderate?
There was a Tea party Rally in Georgetown this weekend and Marsha Farney said —-
Marsha Farney, who is running for a State Board of Education seat, was not as reserved about where she stood. “I’d rather be here than with those America-bashing Democrats,” she said.
“Well, that sure does jungle my spurs,” Juanita says. “Did that hussy say ‘America-bashing?’ Oh Honey, those are fighting words. You and me are gonna have us a Pecos promenade over this. You’re up a creek in a wire boat, Ms Marsha Farney. Your bag of tricks sprung a hole.”
“I find it very odd that a woman who ran one of the nastiest primary campaigns in Texas history is now all finger pointing about who is a good American,” Juanita laughs.
“The last damn thing we need is another extremist on the Texas school board. Is she going to be telling the children of Democrats that their parents are anti-American?”
If every Democrat who reads this shows what a great American they are by contributing $5.00 – hell, you’ve got at least $5.00 – to Dr. Judy Jennings, Farney’s opponent and one of my favorite candidates, we can win this race. Do it today. Click right here and send $5. to Judy. Remember: the Texas school board hurt education all over the country.
“Please make that hussy Marsha Farney regret the day she opened her loose lips and spit out enough hate to cover half of Texas. Donate to a few dollars to Judy,” Juanita pleads.
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“Well, here’s something to file under Not Shocking,” Juanita announced as she read aloud from the internet machine at the cash register.
CEO pay has been blasted for increasing risk to the economy, being out of proportion to ordinary wages and being unrelated to actual company performance. And, according to a new study, a high salary may actually make your company’s CEO meaner. (Hat tip to Harvard Business Review)
In the study’s white paper, “When Executives Rake in Millions: Meanness in Organizations,” professors from Harvard, Rice and the University of Utah argue that rising income inequality between executives and ordinary workers results in “power asymmetries in the workplace such that top executives come to view lower level workers as dispensable objects not worthy of human dignity.”
“You mean that they turn into robber barons?” Juanita asks with mock shock.
“I have a friend who says that Republicanism is a just a poorly disguised excuse to be greedy,” Juanita says. “A few more ‘not worthy of human dignity’ thoughts and we’ll be back to child labor and a 7 day work week. It’s a short jump, and they’ve done it before so they know the pathway.”
“God love ’em,” Juanita says, “because nobody else does.”
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It has recently come to light that Texas Governor Rick Perry works 7 hours a week.
“Considering the condition of Texas, that appears to be 6 hours too many,” Juanita rolls her eyes. “Honey, if he could do one sixth the damage he’s doing now, I’d be satisfied.”
“When Rick Perry shows up, it’s like 6 good men leaving,” she announces.
“Well,” says Thelma who is a Provisional Republican, “good hair takes time. And who can blame him for not wanting to leave that mansion he’s living in? Heck, Juanita, if you could live high on the hog at taxpayer’s expense, you’d be a welfare queen, too, just like Rick.”
“I work harder on my day off than Rick Perry works all week,” Juanita replied. “And I ain’t touching that queen comment with a ten foot pole.”
Do you work harder than Rick Perry?
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I was going to wait until this story came to an end to tell you folks in foreign states about it, but in Texas it seems that most things never have an end. And, this is one of them.
In Texas, you can petition your way onto the November ballot. I like that. It gives third and fourth and even fifth parties a chance to participate.
To get on the November ballot this year, it takes about 44,000 signatures from registered voters who did not cast ballots in a primary. The Green Party submitted 92,000 signatures for its ticket, topped by gubernatorial candidate Deb Shafto.
And all that is well and good. Except. Except the Green Party’s efforts were funded by Republicans in foreign states.
For whatever reason (we have some ideas of our own), the Green Party is represented in the matter by prominent GOP lawyers, including Andy Taylor, who represented business interests in the court battles over ex-House Majority Leader Tom DeLay’s defense against allegations of improper use of corporate money in the 2003 congressional redistricting battle, and Steve Smith, a former GOP Texas Supreme Court justice.
You see, if the Greens are on the ballot, Republicans figure, rightly so, that it’ll hurt Democrats. And, it’s gonna take every trick in the book to reelect Rick Perry. So, they snuck in late at night and threw money at funding the Greens.
So, a Texas judge threw it out last week —-
An illegal corporate contribution used by the Green Party of Texas to field statewide candidates will keep the party’s nominees off the November ballot, a judge ruled Thursday.
At issue was the origin of about 92,000 petition signatures, valued at $532,500 , that qualified the party for a place on the ballot. Take Initiative America, a Missouri-based nonprofit corporation, gave the Green Party the petitions in May and has not disclosed who paid for the petition-gathering effort at a cost of $4 per signature.
But, it did not end there.
The Greens’ Republican lawyers appealed. And, with a Texas Supreme Court of nine diehard Republicans, the Greens won. And, that’s not all.
Perry’s former chief of staff and close confidant Mike Toomey, who is now a lobbyist, was identified in court testimony as a Republican operative behind efforts to help a Green Party petition drive.
A Perry campaign spokesman has denied Perry or the campaign are involved.
So, Rick Perry is lying, Republican lawyers are playing dirty tricks, and political operatives are taking money under the table.
It’s politics as usual in Texas.
But, it’s still not over and Juanita jean will not have a comment until it is.
The Supreme Court said it wants more information from the parties and could give a final ruling later this month.
So, the lawyers and consultants get rich, the Greens sell their souls to the devil to get on the ballot because most of them are too stoned to get a petition drive organized, and the courts are clogged with this frivolous crap just so judges can do favors for their friends.
I love yew, Texas.