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For you locals who were paying attention back when Needville ISD fought allowing an American Indian child over his hairdo, we have some good news and some bad news.

The good news is that the young elementary age student can wear his hair long.  The other good news is that the good people in Needville, Texas, got a fancy lesson in the United States Constitution.  The bad news is that there is no longer enough money to educate children in Needville because they spent it all on lawyers fighting Indians.

Bob tells a good story.

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Glenn Beck University is hiring teachers.  Of course, if at least one did not come from Texas, that would be the seventh sign of the Apocalypse.

Beck hired David Barton, a religious snake oil salesman who has actually made a living with his proud Oral Roberts University degree by selling his services as an adviser on far right wing nuttiness to political consultants.  David tells them how to talk to snake handlers, foot washers, and speaking in tonguers and slick them out of their vote.

“I know David, but only in passing,” Juanita admits. “When I passed him, he seemed far too creepy to mess with.  I’m perfectly serious.  He’s also pretty well known for making up quotes from our founding fathers, which is creepy with a star on top.”

In an article titled “Unconfirmed Quotations,” Barton conceded that he has not located primary sources for eleven of the alleged quotes from James Madison, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, and U.S. Supreme Court decisions, but maintained that the quotes were “completely consistent” with the views of the Founders.

“Soooo…..,” Juanita continues, “let me get this right.  He’s channeling our founding fathers?  Yep, creepy.”

David also hangs with a fast crowd as seen here at a proud Republican website.

David on the right, all decked out, waiting for Jesus and embarrassing Texas

David is teaching Faith 1, 2, and 3 at Beck University.  I guess he didn’t know enough to teach level 4.

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I think most of you have figured out by now that Juanita has an exceptionally bad opinion of Texas Governor Rick Perry.

And that Juanita is not one to sugar coat her opinions.

In fact, she’s getting some yardsigns and she’s pretty darn sure that they are going to look like this one.

If you want one, start saving your money because these suckers are going to be collector’s items.

The latest thing that set-off Juanita is that Rick Perry is still the biggest coward in long pants.  Rick Perry still refuses to debate Bill White.

Perry says he will not appear on a stage with White until the former Houston mayor releases income tax returns from the 1990s covering his years as a deputy at the U.S. Department of Energy and as chairman of the Texas Democratic Party. This is nothing more than an excuse by Perry to avoid having to debate his opponents.

“Rick Perry is also waiting for Bill White to dance on the head of a pin, clap for Tinkerbell, scale the San Jacinto monument barehanded, teach the Houston Astros to hit, agree to change the name of enchiladas to something more American-sounding,  and …. and this is the most important …. quit using all them big words,” Juanita grins.

“But to make matters even more goofy, it appears that Rick Perry is holding Bill White to a standard that Perry ain’t introduced hisownself to,” she continues.

Perry has released his tax returns going back to 1987, which is a good record of disclosure. But even that record doesn’t cover his first term in the Texas Legislature, to which he won his first race for a House seat in 1984. Perry is trying to hold White to a standard he doesn’t meet himself.

“Plus, the cherry on top is that back in the primary Rick Perry also refused to meet with the editorial board of the major newspaper across Texas.  That was probably because they haven’t scaled the San Jacinto monument barehanded either,” she supposes.

“If I were Bill White’s campaign manager, which I ain’t for reasons that nobody can seem to figure out,” she smiles, “I’d announce that we ain’t debating Rick Perry until he does something that that bad breath and real prissy Food and Wine Magazine subscription.”

“And then Rick Perry needs to admit that he ain’t debating anyone who understands stuff.”

“That, my friends, is the bottom line,” Juanita says.  “But, it ain’t the last you’re gonna hear from me about Rick Perry.”

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My friend Larry Toenjes has made the definitive statement about Texas Governorchicken Rick Perry refusing to debate Bill White.

I swear that Moses Rose had more guts than Rick Perry.

Thank you, Larry, for a picture worth more than a thousand words.

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Juanita was delighted to see that the kids over at Talking Points Memo enrolled in Glen Beck University so she wouldn’t have to.  It appears that Glen is going to take your $9.95 monthly fee but only have guest lecturers.  Glen, who is unburdened by any sort of hoity-toity university useless education, will be handing out diplomas worth less than the cost of anything else you can find in a  dumpster.

Juanita, however, is waiting for the big time.

“Being a honors graduate of Miss Marlene’s Elite School of Beauty, which required a thesis on the historic use of blue eye shadow, I was thinking of forming my own university.  I am going to offer degrees in Rocket Science, Brain Surgery, and Carpet Cleaning,” Juanita announces, “which all seem like very useful areas of expertise.”

“I don’t want to brag but County Judge Bob Hebert has already signed up and sent in his first tuition check.  He’s signed up to be a brain surgeon this time, which should probably take about six weeks if he promises to limit his practice to the fellas on commissioner’s court.”

“Thank goodness, Glenn’s courses are not prerequisites for any of my courses.”

Verdelia piped in as Juanita was explaining her course outline for rocket science, “No offense, Juanita, but I think I’ll wait for the Sarah Palin University of Making a Mint Off Being Dumb.”

“Rats!” Juanita stomped.  “I was afraid of that!”