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“Well, ain’t this just a bucket of cute?” Juanita has turned on the sarcasm hose this morning.

On Sunday, Sen. John Kyl (R-Ariz.) became the highest-ranking Republican to call for the repeal of the 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. Appearing on CBS’ Face the Nation, Kyl said that he opposes allowing children of undocumented immigrants to be granted U.S. citizenship and wants Congress to hold hearings on the matter.

“I guess they figure that if that manger thing was good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for Baby Carlotta,” Juanita rolls her eyes.

“Up until this very moment I though Republicans and the Bible were closer than skin on a sausage.  Turns out,” she admits, “I was wrong.”

Leviticus 19: 33 reads “When a foreigner lives with you in your land, you must not oppress him.  You must regard the foreigner who lives with you as the native-born among you. You are to love him as yourself, for you were foreigners in the land of Egypt; I am the Lord your God.

“When did America cease being the Land of Plenty and become the Land of Stingy?” Juanita shouts.

“Um, sometime during the Reagan administration,” Verdelia quietly offers.

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“Oh, the tales they tell,” begins Juanita with a delicious story this morning to go with the coffee.  “Good for us, their tales are taller than they are wide.”

“It seems that the Teabaggers have come up with a story that some Mexican drug lords have crossed the border at Laredo and seized two Texas ranches.  The Teabaggers know this to be true because someone told them.”

“But, the best part of this story is that there is a giant government cover-up to keep this story quiet because … well, I’m not exactly clear on that, except, of course, Obama is Hitler,” she grins.

“I have been to Laredo,” she says, “it’s on the border with Mexico, about 3 hours west of Corpus Christi.  It ain’t no damn hole in the wall.  The US courthouse there is big enough to play football in.  There’s a major university, three professional sports teams and one helluva Jalapeno Festival every year.”

“The Mayor of Laredo is Raul Salinas, a wonderful man, and a former US Capitol Police Officer and retired FBI Agent,” she grins.  “I suspect all this adds something to the Teabaggers’ tall tale – FBI, feds, black helicopters, conspiracies, Mexicans, Area 51, Hillary Clinton, secrets,  oh hell, I dunno whatall.”

“Anyway,” she continues, “they contend that all this secret invasion of the United States by Mexican drug lords is just one more reason why Barack Obama is Hitler AND Mexican AND a drug dealer AND in cahoots with notorious  floozy woman Carmen Miranda.”

“Listen up, there are 200,000 people in Laredo and not one of them – not even one – can keep a secret.  Everybody knows that.  Except, of course, people who have never been to Laredo or, incidentally, can read.”

“So, the Teabaggers can stay busy blogging about fiction and wishing it was fact.  Hell, it works for our local Republicans, what with their chairman having a post on their website talking about his suspicions for the 2010 primary elections with a post dated in July.  Uh, the primary took place in March.  Somebody’s been asleep for a loooong time or the upcoming general election is a conspiracy.”

“Damn, these guys are fun,” she grins.

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Hal’s got a You Tube of an old white man that you will love.  He gives the entire plan of how the Teabaggers are going to take back their country from the “angry Negro, Barack Obama.” Why do they claim to love America while they clearly hate Americans?

Head on over and take a look-see, and then join Beverly and Kate at the Fort Bend Democrats Headquarters.  They are both far better educated, smarter, happier, and much better looking than the angry old white guy.  Plus, either one of them could whip his hiney if he decides to start a fight.  And that alone gives me faith in the future.

By the way, Kate and Beverly both got fully trained on the Voter Activation Network this morning.  In the background you can see a committee meeting to plan resources for precinct chairs.  We are not gonna let the old white dude steal America again.  Not on our watch!

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Most of you know that Juanita has had a ball making fun of the local GOP for not updating their website since March.  Well, they finally updated it.  And Juanita took a picture!

Now, if you click on that picture and get a larger one, you will notice that they are listing the Tea Party right up there along with the Economy, Health Care, and National Security.  “I circled it because I did not want you to miss it,” Juanita grins.

“So now whenever and wherever the Tea Party does something stoopid, it reflects directly on the Fort Bend County GOP and their candidates,” she smiles deliciously.  “I am a happy, happy, deliriously drooling quivering happy woman.”

“And there’s one more interesting thing,” she continues.  “Local GOP Chairman Rick Miller, a man who thinks it’s grand fun to blow a fog horn in a child’s ear and hit 70 year old women, has his own blog.  The first entry is dated July 6, 2010, which is kinda scary since at least until July 25th, it didn’t exist.  Damn!  Rick Miller has found the secret to time travel!  You’d think he would have used it for going back to our Founding Fathers, with slavery and women not being able to vote, like the Tea Party wants, instead of using these powerful and magical powers just to make himself look like he’s actually doing something when he’s so lazy that he has to prop himself up to spit. Republicans never cease to amaze me:  magical powers wasted on ego.”

“Miller says they are going to get to work in late August after the kids go back to school.  Rick Miller is an old white guy.  Old.  He ain’t got no kids.  What’s the problem?  He has to spend the summer yelling at the neighborhood kids to stay off his lawn?”

“Republicans: the best darn free entertainment around!”

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“Some stories are even funnier when they happen in Aladamnbama,” Juanita grins.

“It seems that a member the local ministerial alliance in Cullman, Alabama, buys his underwear at WalMart, which is not particularly surprising.  I imagine he buys his white dress socks there, too,”

“Well, Heavens to Betsy, it seems that WalMart has taken to slipping pornography on their underwear packaging.”

A local pastor’s complaint about a brand of underwear being sold with “pornographic” pictures on the packaging at the Cullman Walmart reportedly led to a recall of the product.

Frank Boren, pastor of New Hope Christian Center Church of God in the Springhill community, said he noticed the questionable underwear package while shopping at the store in May.

“I was in there shopping for some underwear one day, and looked at the men’s pictures on the packaging,” he said. “On a few of the packages they were very pornographic in the way they were dressed, in skimpy underwear, so I went to the manager and asked her if she thought it was inappropriate to be displayed.”

“Well, I don’t know about you, but the only reason I even go to WalMart is to look at the men in underwear on the mens underwear packaging,” Juanita admits.  “There’s just too few chances to see men in underwear nowadays.”

Old School Porn

“I mean, bless his heart, what did he expect to see on the underwear packaging?  Pictures of Mrs. Paul’s Fishsticks?  I mean, I’d be a tad upset if I bought a package with pictures of lawnmowers on the front and got home to open it and found men’s underwear and no damn lawnmower.”

Verdelia jumps in to comment, “Please, somebody keep this guy away from the women’s bra department.”

“Honey,” Juanita answers, “and I want to be delicate here, but I don’t think the Reverend Boren in very interested in ta-tas.”

“And I have another question,” Juanita wants to know, “where in fool tarnation is our local Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club when we really need them?  Why are they letting pornography invade the privacy of mens underwear?  Who has WalMart duty for the Belles this week?”

“I want to thank Robert for letting me know about this,” Juanita nods.  “I’m heading right over to WalMart to buy some underwear porn for the ladies in the salon to enjoy.”