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Thanks to Mike for letting us know that Louis Gohmert made the Urban Dictionary.
We don’t have much to be proud about in Texas, what with having a big ole scardy cat for Governor. So thank you, Louie, for adding to our recognition as a Boatload of Buffoons. . .
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“East Texas Congressman Louie Gohmert is a Goofy Baby. His parents came here from some tin foil hat land and gave birth to Little Louie so he could return to America and attack this country with gobs and gobs of goofy,” Juanita exclaims quite loudly this morning. “And, look, it worked!
“And I have proof,” she stomps. “There is a gaping hole in the security of our country from goofy people, and Louie Gohmert is the leader.”
“We know his plan!” She screams at the top of her lungs. “We know he’s trying to undermine this country by making us all look goofy.”
“Seriously, East Texas is the home of Congressman Charlie Wilson, Judge William Wayne Justice, Wright Patman, Bill Moyers, Archer Jesse Fulligim, and Senator Ralph Yarborough, some of the finest progressives this country has ever known. There is no other way to explain Louie Gohmert except that he’s an alien goofy terrorist baby and that’s how he knows stuff that nobody else knows.”
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“They let Dan Quayle reproduce,” Juanita sadly reports.
“And the result of that is running for congress. Oh. Dear. God.”
(CNN) – Ben Quayle, the son of former Vice President Dan Quayle who is seeking a House seat in Arizona, is making a splash with a new campaign ad in which he looks straight into the camera and declares, “Barack Obama is the worst president in history.”
“Y’all, this is Dan Quayle’s son talking that trash,” she says in horror! “This is also the same guy who wrote nasty on a dirty website (I’m not making a judgment here. That’s the name of the website – dirty. How many IQ points did that require?) and then lied about doing it until he got caught and ended up looking like he’s too dumb to even spell potato…..”
“…. or maybe a deer in the headlights.”
“Bless his heart, he acted all surprised because this is something he did 4 years ago. Four whole years, which is like another lifetime when you wake up in a new world every day.”
“Look, surely this kid knows that he ain’t got the genetic make-up to run for Congress. Surely.”
“Next thing you know, Ron Paul will have a kid who wants to run for Congress ….. what is that you say? Oh, never mind.”
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If you were gonna make a bet, and I’m talking an important bet here like your pink boots or your genuine leopard canvas chair with your name on the back, about which politicians take the most money from from big oil, you’d be a smart cookie to put two Texans at the top,” Juanita was telling Missy Lynn as she was trying to cover some black roots.
Thanks to our friend Don A., Juanita is gonna win a few bets at Crazy Manny’s Bait Shop, Pool Hall, and Wedding Chapel tonight. “Lookie right here,” she grins.
“John Cornyn and Smokin’ Joe Barton lead the field by a sweet half a million dollars,” she shakes her curls and tsk, tsks.
“Honey, I’d rather eat red beans with a pitchfork than count on either of those guys to represent Texans over big oil suckin’ this state dry,” Juanita admits.
“And our other Congressvarmint, Senator Kay Baily Hutchison, came in sixth. So, Texas holds three of the top 6 Hall of Oil Shame places. No wonder most folks have a broken giveadamner in Texas. CEOs and politicians are getting rich and the rest of us are getting an empty barrel.”
By the way, this is a handy little tool that Don A Found. You can look up your own Congresscritter and see if you need to call them and holler.
