.

“So some woman ups and decides to sue Republican Tea Party congressional candidate Tom Ganley for sexual assault,” Juanita begins this Saturday morning as she gets everybody ready for the last weekend of the county fair.  Curlers are flying and the whole place is misty with Aqua Net.  It takes a lot of Aqua Net to be county fair-ready.

“Now, this same woman, who is a Republican herownself,  didn’t ever go to the police about it, but she did tell some friends.  Now that he’s got a chance of being a congressvarmint, she decides to time to talk.  She, of course, wants money and Ole Tom has a pile of it.  She’s no different than any other Republican.  Screw justice – just give me some damn money.”

“But the part that really got to me is that she complained to him in a letter about the incident that he is ‘is no different than the Democrats.’  Yeah, she said that,” Juanita is amazed.

Tom Ganley, Used Car Dealer and Republican

“No, Babydoll, Democrats do the whole mutual adult hoochy koochy thing.  We don’t do the kinky stuff so much.  That’s the Republicans.”

“Nope.  Here’s the deal,” she has figured out.  “He was acting just like a Republican when he assaulted her.  She was acting just like a Republican when she didn’t go to the police but just sued him.”

“Now, I ain’t saying that she doesn’t have the right to some of his money,” Juanita continues, “but you’d think she’d want justice first.  That’s what you’d think.  And, you’d think wrong.”

“Nope, that’s just how Republicans act.”

.

I hope I never get tazed.

Apparently, it causes brain damage.

Poor Rick Sanchez, he’s got it floored in neutral.

.

Juanita was giggling so hard that she could barely pour her forth cup of coffee this morning, “Okay, I am not jacking around about this – Newt Gingrich is running for President.  Of the United States.  Again.”

Addressing a charity lunch of business and political leaders in Frisco, the Republican [Gingrich]called a White House run a “huge challenge.” But he said he believes the nation is ripe for a new referendum on its course.

For most of his 45-minute speech, Gingrich certainly sounded like a candidate.

He struck populist tones with the predominantly GOP crowd, portraying himself as a Washington outsider.

“First, please allow me to explain to you folks from foreign states that Frisco is not the big city.  They are so far out in the country that they think asphalt is a butt disease.  They don’t get the Today Show until tomorrow.  The sun sets about 2 miles from there.”

“Second, for Gingrich to pretend to be a Washington outsider means that it’s highly likely that he’s not messing around on his third wife, yet.  Washington outsider?  Newt?”

“But, I saved the best for last, as I usually do,” she continued.

He said the real crisis in America is not financial, but cultural.

“No, seriously, he said that.  Captain Hot Zipper wants to lead the cultural war.”

“Good Lord, Barack Obama must be livin’ right if this is going to be his opposition,” she smiles.

Do I hear an Amen?

.

Juanita would like to personally thank County Commissioner Andy Meyers for making her life better.

As you might recall, Juanita got hate mail when she said in the Houston Chronicle that the local Republican Party “has diversity – a tall white guy, a short white guy, a fat white guy …”

She left out the bald white guy and the really old white guy and the white guy in the purple shirt.

Commissioner Andy Meyers took out a half page ad in the local newspaper that doesn’t have ads, or much of anything else, but is the lapdog for the far wacko rightwing. According to the ad, he paid for it all by himself and apparently was the fabulous layout designer.

This ad includes a picture of all the Republican candidates and office holders in this upcoming election.

“I am not the world’s best counter,” Juanita says, “but I count 20 white guys, and 4 white women.  Boy yawzzza!  That’s diversity!”

I did a scan so you can count for yourself.  Click on the little one to get the big one.

“There hasn’t been that many ole white people together in one place since the last Neil Diamond concert,” Juanita grins.

“So, thank you, Commissioner Meyers (he’s the bald guy in the pink shirt), for making a truth-teller out of me!”

.

“Okay, so Linda McMahon is a millionaire.  She’s running for senate in Connecticut.  Republican,” Juanita sets the stage.

“Today, she announces that we probably need to revisit the minimum wage,” Juanita rolls her eyes and and nods, which is something most people can’t do at the same time.

“We’ve got minimum wages in the states, we’ve got the minimum wages in the government and I think we ought to look at all of those issues in terms of what mandates are being placed on businesses and can they afford them,” said McMahon, when asked by a reporter if the current minimum wage rate should scaled back to help employers.

When asked if she knew the current rate, McMahon, the former CEO of Stamford-based World Wrestling Entertainment, said she did not remember and would have to double-check. Connecticut’s minimum wage is $8.25 an hour, while the federal wage is $7.25 an hour. When pressed about her opinion of the state’s rate, McMahon said she would not comment further on it.

“Okay, so she has no idea what her housekeeper makes and probably thinks it’s about $3.00 an hour, which is way too much to be paying a human being who’s not … well, a senate candidate an d a millionaire.

“Not only does she not know nothing, she doesn’t even suspect much,” Juanita advises.

“She used to be head of the World Wrestling Federation.  They slammed that bimbo’s head on the mat a few too many times.”

“Hell, let’s just bring back slavery and make ALL the damn Republicans happy.”