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Christine O’Donnell has a new teevee ad saying that she is Just Like You.

“I think she means me, not you,” Juanita says.

“And, Honey, I’ll tell you something, I do not vote for people who are just like me.  I want someone smarter than me, better at math than I am, and someone who understands international banking.  I know this comes as a shock to you, but I’m really weak at international banking.”

“I need you to prop up and think about this,” she continues, “I saw that ad and it really popped my cork when I realized that Dewayne from over at the bowling alley was sitting at the next table at Linda Lou’s Cooked Groceries Restaurant (and how it got that name is a whole ‘nother story that I’ll tell you when I have time) and he was watching the teevee, too, and thought that Christine was talking to him.  Honey, if she is just like Dewayne then she has the largest beer can collection at Happy Creek Trailer Park, artfully displayed all around the ground beside the back door, and seven Elvis on velvet paintings.  She also failed eighth grade and four marriages.  She hasn’t worn socks in 10 years and her hot tub is a cattle tank with an Evinrude outboard motor, which was her half of the bass boat divorce settlement.  She got drunk at Dickie Poteet’s wedding and spent the entirety of the reception sprawled out on a table at the banquet hall, with the new Mrs. Poteet telling the florist to cover his ugly butt with a charming arrangement of chrysanthemums and call it a centerpiece.”

“Is that what you want in Congress?”

Juanita has always been leery of politicians who try to tell you that they are just like you.  “Because when they say that, they are also saying that they are just like Dewayne.”

“Look, I want somebody who can go into a smoke-filled room and come out with more than smoke in their eyes.  I want the smartest guy in town.  I want somebody who knows what they are doing.  Most days I am clueless about that.  And you are, too,” she looks you straight in the eye so you’ll fess-up.

“I don’t want someone just like me.  I want someone just like Franklin Roosevelt or Harry Truman or Barbara Jordan or Hillary Clinton.”

And she means it.

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Juanita opened her purse (which is basically the size of Cleveland, Ohio) after lunch at Handy Hank’s Hot Hamburgers and pulled out a copy of Newsweek Magazine.

“Newsweek has gone all socialist on us,” she says sarcastically.  “They are committing journalism right out in the open for God and Aunt Bessie to see.”

It seems that Newsweek looked at some poll numbers in depth.  And they found out that —

But the NEWSWEEK Poll’s most revealing finding is that despite months of media coverage insisting that voters are “mad as hell and not going to take it anymore,” anger is unlikely to decide this year’s elections. For starters, self-described angry voters constitute only 23 percent of the electorate, and there’s no reason to believe that they’re more likely to cast ballots in November than their calmer peers.

“I guess I need a tee-shirt that says, ‘Calmer Peer,'” she grins.  “It’s the same 23% who hated Clinton, thinks that giving Paris Hilton a tax break is what this country needs, and can’t spell worth a flip.”

“But the best part is yet to come,” she smiles as she continues reading aloud from the article.

Fifty-three percent of voters see Obama’s unemotional approach to politics—his “coolness”—as a positive, versus only 39 percent who don’t.

“And then there’s this,” she continues with glee.

The president, for example, appears to be a neutral force rather than a negative one. His approval rating stands at 48 percent, roughly where it has remained since January of this year, and far better than where George W. Bush stood before the 2006 midterms (33 percent) or where Bill Clinton stood in 1994 (36 percent).

“And they also say that voters trust Democrats over Republicans ‘to handle pretty much every problem currently facing the country.’  Like that should come to a shock to anyone who has ever watched John Boehner or Mitch McConnell on C-Span,” she says in that very sarcastic voice of her’s.

“Remember when these guys called themselves The Silent Majority?  Well, Babe, now they are The Very Loud Very Small Minority,” she says, while trying to find a tee-shirt with that on it.

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News.

MONTGOMERY, Ala. (AP) — The owner of Alabama’s largest casino, four state senators and several top lobbyists have been indicted on federal charges accusing them of vote buying in an effort to get a bill passed that would have legalized electronic bingo in the state.

The indictment, which has 11 defendants, was released Monday as FBI agents made arrests at several locations across Alabama.

It accuses the casino owners and statehouse figures of conspiring to make payments and campaign donations to affect “pro-gambling legislation.”

“Well, duh.  Baby, I’m a natural blond but even I know that’s what campaign donations are — legalized bribery,” Juanita rolls her eyes at that one.  “I have no idea why anyone would take cash.  They can take a campaign donation, not pay taxes on it, and spend it any way they like.  Bribery is legal in politics and it has been since ducks started going barefoot.  Maybe even before then.”

“Good Lord, our own county commissioner Andy Meyers bought a truck with his campaign donations and all the gas and upkeep on it, and that was legal.  He kept his son on payroll as a ‘consultant’ for four years straight, even when Andy didn’t have an opponent.  They can buy  clothes with it or rent an apartment and call it a campaign headquarters.  They can buy lunch at the Rotary Club and eat it themselves, or tickets to football games or the rodeo.  There’s literally no end to what you can buy with campaign donations.”

“Why go to the bother of cash?  You’ve got to hide cash, but you can poop off campaign donations right out in the open.  Honey, if you can’t buy it with campaign contributions, you don’t need it and you probably don’t even want it,” she carefully explains.

“I’ve never understood a politician getting indicted for bribery when bribery is legal in political circles.  That’s just a real special kind of dumb.  Why wade in quicksand over hell when you can walk on streets of gold?”

Juanita says she would be glad to testify for these guys in Aladamnbama.  “They didn’t do anything that isn’t being done all over the country.  They sold their vote.  That ain’t news.”

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Did Nevada Semi-Republican Sharron Angle really say “Juice”?

Sharron: She's got JUICE (and maybe cookies?)

It seems that Angle has a secret backroom meeting with the Tea party candidate in the Nevada senate race and promised him that whatever “juice” she had, he had if he would drop out of the race.

… she tries to persuade Ashjian to endorse her because she will have “juice” he can tap into to get access to Sens. Jim DeMint, Tom Coburn and Mitch McConnell.

“Now, here’s this woman all humped up like a bull in a blue norther, calling Harry Reid a ‘backroom deal maker,’ while she herownself is … uh, what do you call this?  Oh, I know.  A backroom deal.”

Juanita leans back in her chair at the break room table and says, “And just to make the Tea Partiers know for sure what they are be used for, Sharron adds this to the frying pan —

Angle: Says the grass roots movement “gives me juice. That’s really all I can offer to you (Ashjian) is whatever juice I have, you have as well…You want to see DeMint, I have juice with him….I go to Washington, DC and want to see Jim DeMint, he’s right there for me. I want to see Tom Coburn, he’s right there for me. I want to see Mitch McConnell, he’s there.”

“It’s fun to watch all those all mean white people get used by one of their own,” she admits. “She was willing to dip that Tea Party guy’s boxer shorts in catnip and then call in a mountain lion.  I’d trust her about as far as a cat can spit.  Nah, on second thought, not that far.”

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Texas Governor Rick Perry calls the Tyler, Texas, newspaper his “favorite newspaper in the State.”

Not so much anymore.

They did an editorial yesterday shaming The Gov for his refusal to debate his opponent or interview with editorial newspaper boards across the state.  “They came within a gnat’s ear of calling him a chicken,” Juanita reports.

They plead with the Gov —

The advice you are receiving is perhaps from those who would have you run for another, higher office. But abandoning the traditions of editorial boards and debates is an affront to the voters you are asking to keep you in this office.

“Rick, Hon, you are not going to be President.  Dubya ruined the place for cowboys.  So, when you turn your back on your old friends for you new fancy pants friends, your old friends ain’t so friendly anymore,” she advises.

“Hey, Thelma, look out back and see if we have a can of arrogance.  It appears that Rick Perry wants to waddle in some.”

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I don’t know if this happens anywhere but Texas.

Weekend high school football news reports the following score:  Fort Bend Baptist 56, Pope John III 19.

Sophomore quarterback Shane McCarley completed 10 of his 11 pass attempts for 180 yards and four scores as Fort Bend Baptist routed the Pope John XXIII  Lions Friday night, 56-19 in Sugar Land.

The dunkers walloped the sprinklers.  I imagine this answers a lot of philosophical questions.