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John Boehner is cold as the Klondike toward the idea of Michelle Bachmann  holding a GOPper leadership position.

Boehner, aware of the role tea partiers played in making him the next House speaker, is endorsing no one. His lieutenants are lining up behind Rep. Jeb Hensarling of Texas, leaving no doubt that Hensarling – and not Bachmann – is the leadership favorite to chair the GOP conference.

Oh yeah, another crazzy Texas congressman.  He’s Phil Gramm’s puppet, but he does have proper Republican hair.

“Personally,” Juanita says, “I would prefer Bachmann, but that’s only because I love free entertainment.”

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Texas G9vernor Rick Perry has decided that we should allow states to “opt out” of social security because it’s a “ponzi scheme” and has something to do with tube socks, but we still don’t understand that part.

Perry says seceding from Social Security is just one of many ways the system could get fixed — he said that raising the retirement age or privatizing parts of the system are changes he could support.

“Yeah,” says Juanita, “and the minimum wage is a crutch and child labor laws are making wimps out of all our kids.  Sweat shops are simply low cost saunas.  The 40 hour work week makes people fat and lazy and paid vacations just make people go fishing and there’s entirely too many people fishing as it is.  Clean air means you have to trust air you can’t even see, and food inspection is just silly because if enough people die from contaminated food then people will just quit eating which would solve the obesity problem right there.”

“Shoot, forget making Rick President.  Let’s just make him king!  He’s got more good ideas than your average raccoon.”

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It’s about 8:00 and I finally got to a computer and internet connection!

Thank you all for updating me while I was scampering around all day.

Usually, the first thing I do to check to see what Tom DeLay is up to today but – dayum, Honey – this floored me.  They need to get   knees and beg Keith to forgive them for being dumber than bean dip.

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Michelle Bachmann, who is apparently the only witch who actually won  in this election, is having visions again.

Michelle thinks it’s going to cost a gazillion quamillion megathousand dollars and 27 cents an hour to send Obama to India.  When asked by Anderson Cooper where she came up with that number, Michelle got out her abacus and explained —

“Well I think we know that just within a day or so the President of the United States will be taking a trip over to India that is expected to cost the taxpayers $200 million a day,” Bachmann said. “He’s taking two thousand people with him. He’ll be renting out over 870 rooms in India. And these are 5-star hotel rooms at the Taj Mahal Palace hotel. This is the kind of over-the-top spending, it’s a very small example, Anderson.”

Snopes says she’s deranged.  But then again, as Juanita says, “Honey, that Bachmann woman always pulls the trigger without taking aim.”

I’ve heard that Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity are also saying the same thing.  And that, of course, pretty much proves that it’s wrong.

“It’s just gotta be painful to be that wrong all the damn time,” Juanita says.  “Maybe that’s why she’s got that squeaky voice that sound she needs some WD-40.”

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Coming attractions in the Tom Delay trial for those so inside that the should be ashamed of themselves.

The truth is that now we get to the sexy part – liquor, rum, Cuba, wise guys, murder, casinos, skyboxes, and, of course,  Little Baby Jesus.

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“Honey,” Juanita starts in her voice of caution tone, “when you’re on trial for doing illegal campaign activities, it don’t take a triple digit IQ to know that you probably shouldn’t brag that your efforts while doing that illegal stuff had great results – even five years later.”

“I know that Tom DeLay left 40 IQ points in a whiskey bottle and all his ethics in a hot tub near the Capitol Club, but boy howdy! you’d think he’d learned that bagging got him in this mess in the first place.”

Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, whose corruption trial began this week in Austin, on Wednesday took a little credit for the Republicans’ takeover of the House Tuesday night.

“Well, I hope I played a little part into it. A lot of the guys that are there now are from Texas came from our redistricting and we gained three more seats in Texas and that’s pretty amazing,” he said. “So what every little bit I had to play, I am very proud of.”

“Yes, Tom kneecapped Texas Democrats with illegal campaign contributions and he’s plenty proud that they’re still limpin’ from it.  He’s trying to argue that what he did then is legal now.  And it’s legal now because what he did  illegally got his friends elected and they made it legal,” she explains.

“But he’s bought himself one of the best writ twits in Texas so there’s a pretty good chance he’ll walk.  In the end, the worst punishment he got was the embarrassment of Dancing with the Stars.  That’s pretty damn bad, though.  He was awful and had to resign from the show because his feet hurt,” she grins.

“But, a girl can’t help but dreams, and having Tom DeLay as a convicted felon unable to vote would be sweet, sweet poetic justice.”