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Texas Governor Rick Perry is leaving his $10,000 a month taxpayer funded rental mansion and his Gourmet magazines to tour New York City on his bid to get the hell outta Texas by running for President.

He’s going on the Daily Show tonight with Jon Stewart.  The best we can hope for is that Slick Rick doesn’t shoot anything or attempt to make fart sounds with his hand under his armpit.

For you people from foreign states, Rick Perry is George Bush without the intellect or charisma.  He “wrote” a book that he apparently hasn’t read yet.  His finger got tired at pointing at each word.

Juanita says, “Honey, you do not want to miss this.  Macho Man Rick is gonna take New York City by storm.  They ain’t seen nothing like him since Midnight Cowboy.”

UPDATE:  There’s nothing like being right unless it’s being absolutely, positively, totally, dead butt wrong.  I was.  The charming and wonderful David Sedaris was on The Daily Show last night.  We have several days to come up with tunes for the mariachi band to play (see comments) when Rick enter The Daily Show on Monday night.

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Click here.  Work safe but laughter inducing.  And yes, she’s a Texan.

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Thelma predicted that this Republican sweep is like manna from heaven for people who like to laugh.

And starting that parade of delight is what Texas’ greatest poet, Willie Nelson, would call A Little Ole Fashioned Karma Comin’ Round.

Andrew Breitbart is considering suing ABC news for — wait for it, you know what’s coming, don’t you?  Damaging his brand.  No, seriously.  He actually said that.

Breitbart: “You have damaged me, you have damaged my brand, and I’m asking you to walk this lie back. I never exaggerated, I never lied, I never played my role up.”

“Pull in on them reins, ABC!  You cannot damage a person’s reputation.  That’s Breibart’s job.  His ‘brand,’ you might say,” Juanita grins.

“Karma’s a witch, ain’t she?”

“Take it away, Leon,” she says, “and we’ll let Willie lead the chorus.”

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I am totally whipped this morning.  I feel like I was run down, run over, and wrung out through a little bitty wringer.

Juanita and I will have plenty of cussin’ and discussin’ to do, but right now I need to rest-up just to be tired.

It’s bad enough that Democrats did this to ourselves but the fact that we paid professional “political consultants” the same fair price as picture show popcorn to do it to us, well, Honey, that feels like stepping in the same cow patty twice.

I’m not quittin’ but I am gettin’ meaner.

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I have no idea why I am here tonight on teevee.  It seems pretty obvious that no other Democrats left home today for any reason.

I am wondering if Rick Perry can see the White House from his $10,000 a month mansion.

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To be honest, I had planned on coming on teevee to explain the Democratic election strategy to their viewers, but now that I think about it, it might be better to spend the time explaining something that’s a little easier to understand, like theoretical quantum physics or the plot of the 6th season of the TV show “Lost.”

Explaining Democratic strategy in Texas this year is like explaining the weird kid in the corner eating paste.  He thinks it tastes good, he likes the attention, but he doesn’t seem to care if it makes him a loser.

Seriously, how do we as a political party look back at what we did in 2008, and then say to ourselves, “Oh no, we absolutely do not want to do THAT again.  In fact, let’s do the exact opposite!”