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So explain to me how a guy would even think about this stuff?

While suggesting he will be set up, Beck assures his listeners “I’m not into child pornography”

Juanita would like me to tell you that she has never once, not even once, felt the need to tell you that she’s not into child pornography.   Or, if someone produces pictures of her baying at the moon, just know that she doesn’t bay, generally can’t find the moon, and has no idea what “at” means.  Got it?

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There’s an old joke in Texas that the Texas A&M University Library had to close down.  Why?  They lost the book.

Now the joke has become whether our politicians with autobiographies even  bother to read the books they didn’t write about themselves.

No one was particularly shocked when it became obvious that Dubya didn’t write his book.  But, even Juanita was a tad taken back when the ghost writer that Bush hired really was a ghost – who read other people’s books.

“Baby Cakes, if I hire somebody to write for me, I at least want a discount for pre-used paragraphs,” Juanita grins.

We saw that Tom DeLay didn’t read his own book either when he swore up and down that certain paragraphs in his book got there through voodoo or gremlins.

“Hey,” Juanita laughs, “I have often said that I speak Texan, which is a lot like English.  People generally laugh, but now Tom is using it as a defense.  Can’t you just see the Supreme Court deciding if Texas really does have it’s own language, which ain’t English?  Up until this very moment I thought that Tom wanted English to be the official language of the United States.  Apparently, he can’t speak it.”

“And while we’re on the topic of high octane irony, ain’t it charming that Joe Miller, of Tea Party fame, is demanding good spelling?  Up until this very moment, I thought the Tea Party trademark was bad spelling!”

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It appears that the GOP leadership wants to start with the big problems first.

The ranking member on the House Energy and Commerce Committee, Texas’ own Joe Barton, wants to defend the right of light bulbs.  He’s picked up on Rick Perry’s government-is-taking-my-salt thingy and admitted that he feels the same way about the “little, squiggly, pig-tailed ones [lights].”  Joe swears to fight the good fight for incandescent light bulbs.

“Phew,” Juanita says, “I was worried that they might forget the real important stuff.”

You guys will remember Joe Barton as the guy who apologized to BP for letting our Gulf ruin their oil.

Joe also wants to appeal health care because – dammit – children with a pre-existing condition do not deserve health insurance.  Hell, most of them aren’t even employed.  Do we really need those children?  Are they really all that cute?

Joe Barton – everybody’s favorite villain.

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Mean Rachel pondered up some mean yesterday.

Juanita has often said that given a choice between a Democratic candidate who claims to vote like a Republican and a candidate who is a Republican, voters will pick the real thing every time.

Voters want someone who stands for something beside election.  They want tough folks who believe in somedamnthing. Even if it’s somedamnthing crazy nuts.  They want someone who will fight for them.  We haven’t done that in a while.  We run scared with even a threat of a fillibuster.

Until we can say, “Tee it up, Boehner,” we don’t deserve leadership.

Okay, I’ll put my soapbox up and go enjoy the beautiful day.  But, first, I’ll find out what fun Hal is having with the Tom DeLay trial.

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Oops, Tucker Carlson, already suffering from downsliding blisters on his butt, seems to have stepped in dog dump from the D-List.

Last July, Carlson smugly boasted that he bought the domain keitholbermann dot com.  He thought it was funny and it is.

Dancing With the Crazy Stars

What is not funny and is, in fact, a little crazy, is that there were some emails that were leaked to gossip rags with Keith Olbermann bad-mouthing executives at NBC.

They came from keith at keithoblermann dot com – a domain not owned by Keith Olberann, but by Tucker Carlson.

Picture Tucker Carlson in his bow tie, sitting at the computer in the basement late at night, pretending he’s Keith Olbermann, giggling manically with each email he fakes.  Imagine that.  Now go take a shower.

“Actually, when I think about it,” Juanita says, “after watching Crossfire, I have to admit that faking emails in the basement shows more maturity that I expected from Tucker.”

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Juanita called me from Del Rio – she’s at the 17th Annual Dio Rio Cuticle Convention and Margarita Festival and I bet you wish that you were, too – to tell me that she saw Governor Rick Perry on Jon Stewart last night.

Juanita was not one bit shocked that Governor Perry did not mention that Texas is 23 billion dollars cash American money in debt under his leadership or that our unemployment rate is the same as New York, where they have a Democratic Governor.

But, God love him, he did talk about salt.  Rick Perry is damn upset about salt.  Apparently, somebody in an official shirt and hat from the government is coming to his house, and his house alone, to monitor his salt consumption.  Juanita told me that she doesn’t blame him for being upset about that – it would bother her, too, especially during the Del Rio Cuticle Convention and Margarita Festival.

However, it appears that no one else has the salt guy, official hat and all, coming to their house.

And Juanita has another thought – does Rick Perry have all of George Bush’s voice and mannerisms by accident or is he doing that on purpose?

Surely not on purpose.  Surely Karl Rove is in the basement cloning these guys.  But hey, at least he got the hair better on this one.

By the way, Juanita suggests that you read Kelso.  Kelso is funny.