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“Well, it’s come to this,” Juanita reports.  “Republicans are giving us just a hint of how they plan on governing.”

There’s a fight in the Texas House over the Speaker.  After years of putting up with Tom Craddick, who played the chainsaw in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, House Democrats joined with Republicans to elect Joe Straus as speaker.  Straus is conservative, but he’s semi-sane, which was a nice change.

“The rightwing Talibaptists in the Texas House are up in arms over Joe Straus,” Juanita continues.  “They want a crazy person to be speaker.  So, they rightwing Christians are mounting a campaign of what they do best – lie.”

… a handful of outside socially conservative groups are running a fairly deceitful but noisy campaign trying to pressure lawmakers who actually like the speaker’s management style to vote against him.

They blame him for the failure of the sonogram bill but the pro-life Texans for Life said the claim is false. They blame him for the failure of voter ID by permitting the Democratic filibuster, but that’s false. Straus followed the direction of his colleagues in the Republican caucus.

“But, all that fibbing  by the Steeple People was justified by the House of the Lord because Joe Straus is not a Christian.  He’s Jewish,” Juanita reports.

Now, the so-called grassroots effort has crossed over the line with coordinated email and robocall programs calling for a true Christian speaker.

Straus: Notorious UnChristian

“Which means he’s going straight to hell and I suspect they are really afraid he’ll take them with him.”

“So, here they are – passing notes in class that someone has cooties – and shouldn’t be chalkboard monitor because he has …. well, big ole cooties.  I know this is exactly what people voted for two weeks ago.  I know they’re happy,” she smiles.

“This is gonna be an awful two years.  Just awful.  But, you gotta admit, it’s gonna is awful fun, too.  They are gonna hunt each other down, cook each other, and pass the sacramental wine as they dine on cooked Republican,” she shakes her head and ponders on a law she wants to sponsor that says members of the Texas House have to pass a sanity test.

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This time it’s Congressvarmint Mike Conaway out in Midland / Odessa – where men are men and sheep are scared.

It appears that Ole Republican Mike, who represents one of those districts specifically drawn by Tom DeLay, is carrying on the tradition of holding everybody else to a higher standard of ethics.

“Yeah, yeah, and the forecast for tonight is dark,” Juanita responds to this information.

A Republican lawmaker unveiled a bill that would benefit oil-and-gas companies that pay him royalties.

Rep. Mike Conaway (R-Texas) was the chief financial officer of an oil-and-gas exploration firm before his election to Congress in 2004 and still has an extensive portfolio of investments in the sector.

Though it is difficult to ascertain the exact wealth of members from the financial disclosure forms they must make public, Conaway’s filing in 2009 showed he had between $100,000 and $276,000 in oil-and-gas holdings.

Conaway sponsored legislation in 2009 to retroactively lift income limits for a tax break that would benefit some of the oil-and-gas companies that continue to give him royalties.

Now, to throw a little fat on that fire, Conaway served on the investigative ethics subcommittee that charged Maxine Waters with a conflict of interest over her dealings with her husband’s conflict of interest in minority owned banks.

“But,” Juanita reminds us, “in all honesty, everybody knows that there’s a different set of rules for women and a library of rules for black folks.”

Conaway still contends he did nothing wrong – mainly because the loophole didn’t pass.  To justify his involvement in this conflict of interests he commented, “Many of my constituents feed their families with oil-and-gas interests.”

“Yeah, Honey,” Juanita grins, “caviar and filet mignon are getting pricey.”

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Juanita has decided that something is truly weird is happening in East Texas.

“Here’s another story,” she begins.  “The Tea Party in Tawakoni, Texas – yes, there is such a place – is all grittin’ and spittin’ claiming that the police chief and a deputy got fired for being members of the Tea Party.”

“They are demanding their rights and hollering for Sarah Palin,” she laughs.  “They are appealing their termination and have gone into a fund raising frenzy.”

The termination notices obtained indicate the duo’s involvement in the Tea Party was considered “prohibited political activity” under the city’s employee personnel policies manual.   The mayor said the men spoke and advocated against the city council and supported a petition against the mayor as part of their participating in the party.

But wait, there’s more.  It appears that the Tea Party  is probably the sanest party they attend —-

The termination memos mention other alleged infractions by both law enforcement officers including accusations that Schultz drove city equipment to obtain medical treatment, screamed at another city employee in the City Hall parking lot within earshot of the public, lied to federal agents during an investigation, drank booze at a public park and restaurant, drove while intoxicated, slouched at city council meetings, and didn’t discipline Beckett for holding naked pool parties at Beckett’s house.

Besides holding naked pool parties and joining the Tea Party, Beckett’s termination memo also said he drank alcohol in a public park and restaurant, asked a subordinate to follow him and his wife home after they drank too much, didn’t pay his water bill in time, and didn’t properly maintain investigative files and evidence.

“Nakkid pool parties?  Yep, that there is the Tea Party for ya,” Juanita shakes her head.  “Honey, if they weren’t drunk and nakkid, they’d be Republicans what with all that hollering and lying and slouching.  But, drunk and nakkid is a fundamental God given right for the Tea Party, dammit.”

Here’s their Facebook page just in case you want to hunt for pictures of their parties.

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I cannot be funny about this.

I think we’ve told you about Tom DeLay’s Rio Bend Community for foster children.  It was paid for by the DeLay Foundation for Kids.   The donated land sat empty for years, the sign even faded, and then Tom was indicted.  Almost overnight the place went wild with activity.  Eight gorgeous foster homes were built, fancy landscaping, swimming pool, weight room, a church with a little white steeple, a large gym, a lake with a fishing pier – the works.  All to make Tom DeLay look lovable.  After all, he truly cared about kids so he could not possibly be a criminal.

For well over a year now, the place has gone to seed.  There’s only one house occupied – the other 7 houses sit empty in a neighborhood filled with people who need a home.  The landscaping has been plowed over and weeds fill the garden around the church.  The parent organization – Lutheran Charities – has pulled out.

I’m not going to put up any recent pictures because there are no trespassing signs all over the place, but here it is before it went to seed.

Tom DeLay is in trial in Austin.  No telling what the outcome will be because he has a high priced fancy pants writ twit doing his talking.

And for all of the kudos and bows he took over helping poor little kids, it comes down to this when the chips are in the table.  They are cashing it in and calling it quits.  (It will open in a pdf.  See page two for proof of the picture below.)The kids aren’t a useful front for him anymore.

We hope that once the trial is over, the DeLays will do the right thing and let people who truly care, and don’t just wear their religion as a fashion accessory, take over the property.

There are children who need a home far more than Tom DeLay needs a child to hide behind.

And this one will do just fine.

I’m sorry I cannot be funny about this.  I have watched little kids be the victims in this mess since it started in 2005 when Tom got wind that he was going to be indicted. I have watched it for far too long.

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There’s a school district in Louie Gohmert’s 1st Congressional District of Texas that is enjoying the real benefits of increased spending.

As you know, Louie Gohmert is as worthless as a four card flush.  He’s a rightwing rolling ball of butcher knives about the “guvmint” doing anything besides climbing in my uterus and roundin’ up Mexicans.

Come to find out, a school district in Louie’s congressional district has been stealing money to make themsleves look good.

Dozens of wealthy Texas school districts held onto more than $40 million in tax dollars that should have gone to poorer districts under the state’s so-called “Robin Hood” law until the state demanded they pay up this year, according to records obtained by The Associated Press.

But of those dozens, one stands head and shoulders above the rest – the Hallsville school district in Harrison county withheld $8.5 million owed to the state.  They used that money to raise the ranking of their 4,200 student district to a higher level on the Texas Education Agency’s scale.

Here’s the clincher.  Pay close attention to the last paragraph.

Instead of sending the $8.5 million to the TEA, Hallsville used it to help fund a three-year, $25.3 million spending spree that coincided with the district raising its accountability rating from academically acceptable to exemplary. Among the district’s expenditures was $13.4 million for the hiring of 110 new employees, including 60 teachers.

“The shame of this is it taints what we did,” said Jason Peterson, a Longview banker who serves as school board president. “We hired a great staff, got what we needed and tried to provide the best education we could.”

“Taints?  Did he say taints,” Juanita asked as she combed out Verdelia’s hair before building her beehive and spraying the hell out of it.  “I think taints is not the word he needs.  I think the word he needs is that increased spending leads to better results.  But, you can’t say that in East Texas because nobody, especially including bankers, thinks that’s proper.  However, stealing from poor kids seems to be just hunky dorey.  They trotted right pass ‘recognized’ and went straight to ‘exemplary’ just by spending more money, even if it was money they swiped. ”

“How’s Louie Gohmert gonna explain this?” Juanita wonders.  “My guess is that he’ll say we should steal from poor kids more often.”

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The day after election, Bubba called me in the late afternoon and asked, “Can you be packed and ready to go up to the cabins tomorrow morning?”

I can pack to go to the cabins in 30 minutes flat.  Bubba had cleared his schedule and needed some time to think what the fool tarnation just happened.

Usually, you guys don’t know when I travel because through the miracle of modern big time journalism, I can even post from my iPhone.  But, I’m gonna fess up now that I’m home.  I left Juanita to fend for herself.

The cabins it was, for a week of solitude, great food, and fall colors that only God can paint.  Bubba even fixed dinner on the porch one night.  The cabins were wonderful and we chatted until late at night under the stars, trying to figure out what happened in this election.

Sadly, even after pouring over numbers, reading analysis, and pondering 80 years of political experience between us,  it was not until our way home that we figured out what the hell happened in the election:  There are just too damn many crazy people in this country.

Hot Springs, Arkansas.

I am not an expert on this guessing ages thing, but I highly suspect that here’s some dude clearly on Medicare who claims to be against socialized medicine.  It’s obviously kept his stoopid butt alive and, dammit, it’s socialized medicine.  I also would like to take notice of his claim that he “will work for my seniors.”  Who gave us to you, Cowboy?  And if that particular campaign promise means that you will take our greeting jobs at WalMart for us so we can afford to eat, then hell’s bells, I’ll even vote for you.

He’s gonna turn people over to Fox News?  For torture?  Good Lord, I’ll take lashes and a one way ticket to Alcatraz over being turned over to Fox.  Would that include having to fetch Glenn Beck’s brains when they fall out?

You know, if I ever had any doubts that I’m on the right side of the political aisle, I just remember that this guy is on the other side.

And then there’s Lufkin, Texas – pines, poverty and Pentecostals.  There was a Democrat who lived in Lufkin once, but he died.  They didn’t even bother to bury him because they figured the devil would just pull him down for them.

Lufkin, Texas, on Highway 59.

No, we don’t get it either.

Somebody in Lufkin with a mess of money “gets” this.  That scares me.  No, seriously.  They have money, probably own a car, and might even have a hunting rifle.  If that don’t worry you, somethings wrong with you.

So, you will be happy to know that Bubba and I figured it out – there’s just too damn many crazy people.