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Under the category of You Never Know Which Way the Pickle Will Squirt, the Supreme Court declined to hear a lawsuit brought by one of the Birthers.

The Supreme Court has again cast aside an appeal that raised doubts about President Barack Obama’s U.S. citizenship, a grass-roots legal issue that has gained little legal or political footing, but continues to persist in the courts.

The justices without comment Monday rejected a challenge from Charles Kerchner Jr., a Pennsylvania man who sought a trial in federal court forcing the president to produce documents regarding his birth and citizenship.

Juanita is laying odds that it was a close vote, and that Justice Thomas’ wife will be making a lot of early morning calls to Kenya asking for people to apologize for Obama making up this whole thing about being an American citizen.

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Juanita simply cannot believe that a man so obsessed with homosexuality can possibly be straight.

In the wake of a number of gay students’ suicides this fall, and a national conversation about bullying, Exodus International, a group dedicated to “freedom from homosexuality through the power of Jesus Christ,” announced that it would no longer sponsor The Day of Truth. An annual event that encourages students to “counter the promotion of homosexual behavior,” The Day of Truth has been organized as a counter-event to the much larger, Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network-sponsored Day of Silence held every April.

But The Day of Truth is not going away. The James Dobson-founded Christian ministry Focus on the Family has stepped in to replace Exodus International as the event’s sponsor, and has re-branded and re-framed it The Day of Dialogue.

“There are whole months that I go without thinking about how gays are different than I am,” Juanita admits.  “James Dobson cannot go 5 minutes.  Bless his heart, that just really takes a lot of energy.”

“So, I was thinking.  Maybe if we could re-direct all of James’ anti-gay energy into something productive, we could get something worthwhile accomplished.  I mean, that kind of energy could cure cancer, clean pollution, find a renewable energy source, and fix facial wrinkles.  But, no matter how hard you try, you ain’t getting Carol Ann out of combat boots.”

“I am also worried,” she says, “that maybe James ain’t as straight as he wants you, or even himself, to think.  Personally, I think the man can smell the bacon, but he can’t find the breakfast table.”

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“Until they can scientifically prove that proud ignorance and rank hypocrisy are not contagious, Sarah Palin should have to stay in Alaska, where those things don’t seem to matter,” was Juanita opening statement this morning when informed that Thelma was coming in late so she could go see Wailin’ Palin in Houston today.

Love her or hate her, Sarah Palin will not be ignored. We are living in an era when politicians and experts of all kinds inspire mistrust, and Palin presents herself as the ultimate outsider – just a regular American gal, hunting moose and being a “mama bear” to her cubs.

Of course, this regular gal is a bestselling author, a reality TV star, a regular paid contributor on Fox News and a frequent public speaker, charging $100,000 performance fees, you know, like regular Americans.

“Honey, I’d rather try to measure water with a tea strainer than go see Sarah Palin,” Juanita admits, “because that would be far more productive.”

Thelma, however, is a giant fan of Sarah’s.  Thelma believes that the only thing standing between her and her own reality show is a tax cut.  When Juanita describes Sarah Palin as “Dan Quayle in a skirt,”  Thelma reminds Juanita that Dan Quayle never once had a cute wink.  So there.

It’s believed that Juanita will make Thelma go by the fire department and walk through the decontamination unit before being allowed back into the beauty salon.  In these days of stoopid politicians and the tea party, someone has to put their foot down to contain this stuff.

Actual headlines from today’s news.  They may have something to do with each other —

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The United States Border Patrol, darling of the rightwing in their quest to keep America safe from terrorism, busted Willie Nelson yesterday and took his skinny butt to jail.

SIERRA BLANCA, Texas (AP) — A U.S. Border Patrol spokesman says country singer Willie Nelson was charged with marijuana possession after 6 ounces was found aboard his tour bus in Texas.

Patrol spokesman Bill Brooks says the bus pulled into the Sierra Blanca, Texas, checkpoint about 9 a.m. Friday. Brooks says an officer smelled pot when a door was opened and a search turned up marijuana.

“Six ounces?” Juanita asked.  “Hell, on any given day you could shake Willie’s shirt and six ounces of pot would fall off.  If six ounces is all the pot you can find on Willie Nelson’s tour bus, it’s amazing that a fight didn’t break out.”

“I would like to deeply and sincerely thank the DEA, Border Patrol, and the Hudspeth County Sheriff’s Office for freekin’ nothing,” Juanita announces.

There’s a story, and I don’t know if it’s true, but if it’s not, it should be.  A couple of decades ago, Willie was arrested for possession in Waco.  During his trial, the arresting officer took the witness stand to explain that he stopped because there was a car on the side of the road and the driver was asleep in the front seat.

“And what was your probable cause for searching the car for drugs?” Willie’s defense lawyer asked the office.

The young officer sat still for a minute and then replied incredulously, “Uh, because it was Willie Freekin’ Nelson.”

That’s just gotta be a true story.

Willie Nelson is 77 years old.  He’s producing amazing music and touring almost constantly with acts a quarter his age.  He raises more money for charity than anyone else in Texas.  He has a black belt in taekwondo and plays pretty good golf.  He’s on his fourth wife, having pooped-out all the other ones.  He’s still making movies, and he won a Grammy last year.  He’ll be 78 in three months.

He is a walking advertisement for marijuana use.

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Juanita would like to put a Thanksgiving smile on the face of all you people from foreign states.

Newspapers from around Texas — (Click the little ones to get the big ones).

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And finally ….

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…. where they quote the Beauty Salon and local Republican Party Chair Rick Miller who is shocked, just shocked, I tell you.  Rick, of course, blames the Democrats for Tom’s bad ethics.  Yep, THAT Rick Miller, the same guy who lead a gang of Tom DeLay’s  thugs to a Democratic press conference to beat up elderly ladies.

So today, when you sit down to eat Aunt Bessy’s sweet potatoes, enjoy the sweetness a little bit more.  Justice, sweet justice, has been done in Texas.

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Guilty, guilty, guilty.

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Hot Tub Tom is now a convicted felon.

You could not blow the grin off my face with dynamite.

Ronnie Earle and Friend

Since 1985 I have been trying to tell you people that Tom’s a crook.  I would personally like to thank Ronnie Earle, Texas’ DA, and the fine folks of the Travis County DA’s office for not backing down.  Ronnie Earle would fight a rattlesnake with one arm tied behind his back and give the snake three bites head start.  And he’s so honest that you could shoot dice with him over the phone.

I imagine that the words “I will destroy you,” have suddenly disappeared from Tom DeLay’s daily vocabulary.  I honestly don’t know if they sell Viagra for hammers.

The judge is in charge of the sentencing.  I do not want to see Tom go to jail, but watching him do some community service around the courthouse would be very cool.  Cleaning the bird poop off Stephen F. Austin’s head would be kinda appropriate.  We could bring lawn chairs and finally get to see our congressman do some work for us.

Thelma wants to see him in an orange jumpsuit, chained to a guy named Brute who got busted for a building a meth lab, picking up trash with a pointy stick along the side of the highway.

I do think the work should be physical labor.  He needs to learn that if we make a mess, we have to clean it up. It just seems like the right thing to do.

Or, in the alternative, he could carry my golf clubs for 18 holes.  Just saying ….

I’m doing pretty good, Tom.  How ’bout you, Honey?

Bubba reminded me that I had this picture, too —-