Our customer Kellybee has taken to calling Republican congressmen “Congresscretins.”

And, after this, you will, too.

Deadbeat Dad

Republican Tea Party congresscretin Joe Walsh, who said that Barack Obama “bankrupted this county in three short year,” not only has a short memory and wicked tongue, but he also has himself some legal troubles now.

The Chicago Sun Times says he’s $117,000 in arrears with child support.

Now here you’ve got you a guy who said about Washington, “I won’t place one more dollar of debt upon the backs of my kids and grandkids unless we structurally reform the way this town spends money!”  At the very same moment he’s putting his own kids $117,000 in debt.

Yep.  Cretin.

Texas Governor Rick Perry signed the so-called Susan B Anthony pledge.

The SBA List pledge includes four points: a vow to only nominate strict constructionist judges, to “select only pro-life appointees for relevant Cabinet and Executive Branch positions,” to push for defunding Planned Parenthood and other taxpayer-supported abortion providers and to sign a Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act.

I know the semi-obvious question is:  why defund Planned Parenthood when  they are in the birth control business.  If you don’t want so many abortions, doesn’t the neuron in your brain synapse that preventing unwanted pregnancies might help?  Did these people eat something that degraded that synapse in their brain?

Second, I ain’t happy with anybody who takes a pledge.  Does the pledge override the oath of office?

Third off, have you noticed how the wingers have quit calling it “activist” judges?  Did you notice that?  Yeah, because now they want activist judges.  It’s now “strict constructionist” judges.  I guess that means that they loved Justice Hugo Black because that’s how he described himself.  Oh, get a grip!  Wingers have no idea what these words mean.  They just don’t want a black President. But, saying that sounds bad.

So when they use words like “founding fathers,” “originalism,” or “constructionist,” those are code words for “For God’s Sake!  George Washington did not mean black people!”

And when you get right down to it, I don’t think the above pledge is strong enough.  I think Perry ought to also pledge not to sit next to a pro choice person because God only knows what cooties might rub off.  And he pledges not to eat food prepared by a pro choice person because who knows what  they are putting in his food.  And that he pledges not to let pro choice people actually look into his eyes because they can cast spells.  And that if he ever even thinks about pro choice – to the stockades for him!  Now, that there’s a pledge.

Thanks to David and Tootie for the heads-up.

Okay, I read this really strange article that David sent me.  It claims that the Obama Administration is “aggressively” enforcing an American law that bans bribery overseas.

First off, how does one “aggressively” enforce laws.  Either you enforce them or you don’t.  Can you even imagine the wingnut conspiracies if Obama wasn’t enforcing the laws of the United States of America?  Why, Honey, overnight NOT bribing  people would be a tenet of Sharia law.

But, damn.  Here’s the catcher for me —

Lanny Breuer, chief of the department’s criminal division, said he’s troubled by suggestions that payments to individuals to win business are above board if they work for private companies and not government-owned ones.

“Corporate bribery, whether of government officials or commercial bribery, is bad for business in general and just plain wrong,” Breuer said in an interview with POLITICO.

“I don’t really accept the fact that the FCPA is truly a burden on American business,” he added. “Our companies should compete based on the quality of their products and the quality of their services and not based on corruption. [And] it’s not as if we’re only prosecuting American companies. Half our [cases involve] foreign companies or foreign subsidiaries” that do business in the U.S. or are traded on a U.S. stock exchange.

So, let me explain to these businessmen how to do this.  You do not take them to dinner or offer to pay for their cab.  That’s just stoopid and it’s obviously bribery.  Instead you give them “campaign contributions.”

America was built on “campaign contribution bribery.”

At least in Texas, you can spend campaign contributions to hire your adult children at outrageous salaries to be your campaign manager, buy automobiles and trucks, purchase clothing, or pay rent on a campaign apartment.

Campaign contributions are tax free.  And, in my county, if you want to see who’s getting bought, you have to go to an obscure office not even located in the county seat that’s only open during regular business hours.  So, you gotta take off work and find the damn place.

Bribery is so inefficient.  With campaign contributions, you even get a receipt for your bribe!

The Texas Supreme Court has ruled.

It’s is not against the First Amendment to charge a $5. tax to enter a strip joint if alcohol is served.  No tax if alcohol is not served.

Read the opinion if you must.

Okay, will this count hiring a floozy lady to come to a private birthday party or, better yet … The Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club.

Thanks to MaryK for the heads up.

Oh, damn, do I ever have an idea.

Okay, Guys, Bubba Jr and the lovely and talented Mrs Bubba Jr, live near the North Carolina coast. Keep them in your good thoughts.

If any of our customers live in Irene’s path or have family who does that they are hearing from, please feel free to post what you’re seeing and/or hearing.

You know, Republicans are meaner than ten acres of snakes.

They would just as soon stand and watch you die before they’d tinkle on you if you were on fire.

Example #8,329:  Florida Congressvarmint Steve Southerland.  We pay him $174,000 a year.

At a town hall event in Florida yesterday, GOP Representative Steve Southerland took a question from a constituent about his salary. He proceeded to tell the good people he supposedly represents that his salary is small considering how many hours he puts in and the risks he runs.

“And by the way, did I mention? They’re shooting at us,” Southerland told constituents. “If you think this job pays too much, with those kinds of risks and cutting me off from my family business, I’ll just tell you: This job don’t mean that much to me. I had a good life in Panama City.”

First off, they’re shooting at us?  Holy crapola, that sure took a lot of gall.  Quick, somebody remind him that his people shot at a Democratic conresswoman.

You know, it’s a damn dirty shame that nobody told Steve what the job pays and where it meets before he ran for the office.

I’m not one of Steve’s constituents.  And I’m pretty proud of that.  However, if he was my conressvarmint, I would be darn hacked off that he doesn’t care about working for me.  Especially being as how I’m paying his damn $174,000 plus perks salary.

Steve, kiss my big blue butt.

Thanks to Kellybee for the heads-up.