Barack Obama

That is all.

Except for my favorite picture —

Okay, I’m gonna try it.

I’m going to try to follow the GOP debate tonight on Twitter.  I will attempt to translate Rick Perry for people from foreign states.

I am not very good at Twitter.  I cannot even say wish you a pleasant day in 140 characters or less.  I had a editor tell me once that she put my story on the wall, shot it full of buckshot and printed what was left.

I make no promises about how good this is going to be.  But, you can follow me on Twitter @crabbait and see if I make it through the whole debate.  I’d put my money on not.

NOTE TO MY NON-TWIT FRIENDS:  Use this entry to make your snide, snarky, and/or pathetically patronizing comments during the debate.  If my iPad holds up, I’ll check in ever so often.

I just wanna add one thing.  It is my bet that the GOP candidates will mention Ronald Reagan so often in tonight’s debate that it would qualify under Texas law as abuse of a corpse.

Yes, State governments know best, especially in Texas.

In the years after the 9/11 terrorist attacks, Texas has received at least $1.7 billion in federal Homeland Security grants, and spent much of the money to strengthen law-enforcement communications and border security.

But a Fort Worth Star-Telegram examination of thousands of purchases also found a a $21 fish tank in Seguin, a $24,000 latrine on wheels in Fort Worth, and a real pork project-a hog catcher in Liberty County.

If you read the whole article, you’ll find that local police departments went all James Bond and sheriff’s departments mainly went ninja.  Our sheriff’s department bought an enormous mobile home, like Rick Perry’s campaign vehicle, and we ain’t seen it since.

Houston SWAT got an “eye ball camera,” at a cost of $4,800, records show. The camera is designed to be thrown into an area. It then uprights itself and gives a 360-degree view with listening capabilities. The city also has a probe that allows it to see through walls.

Fort Worth got clock radios, hats, neckties, glasses, key fobs and a thermometer with hidden cameras, as well as drinking cups, dry erasers and a tape measure with listening devices.

Meanwhile, the Congressional Research Service has reported that likely terrorist targets, the nation’s half-million miles of oil and gas pipelines, have been left vulnerable.

You cannot give a Bubba a hunk of money and not expect him to buy a motor home, a fast car and a thermometer with a camera inside.   You know, I really already know more than I want to about a thermometer with a camera inside.

Yeah, Republicans, give the money to the states because , dammit, they need that Dukes of Hazard Go Ninja crapola.

Okay, this is kinda a nerdy story so I’m gonna keep it simple as I can.

Josue Larose, Millionaire Rick Perry Fan

Josue Larose lives in Florida.  For fun, he invents political parties and PACs.  Mostly Republican.  All of his Parties start with the word “American.”  Including, but not limited to, American Bourgeoisie Political Party, American Imperialists Political Party, American Intellectual Elites Political Party, American Film Stars Political Party, and one I cannot wait to join called American Noble Persons Political Party.

How does he fund these Parties?  With PAC money from American Venture Capital Group.

Through an elaborate but closely held cash funnel, a corporation called American Venture Capital Group has poured millions of dollars into Larose’s labyrinth of political parties — or so records show — which then contribute to Larose’s gubernatorial campaign.

In July, for example, American Venture Capital Group donated $1 million each to his American Billionaires Party and American Capitalists Party. Each of those Larose-chaired parties directed $450,000 in cash and $450,000 in “in-kind” contributions to his campaign.

Larose claims to have a $14.5 million warchest in his various PACs, all from money donated by American Capital Group, an organization that doesn’t seem to exist, at least on paper.  All of his PACs start with the words “United States.”  Parties start with American, PACs start with United States.

Okay, so that’s where we were until yesterday.

Yesterday, like manna from heaven, Larose up and changes the name of one of his PACs from United States Industrialists Federal PAC to – get ready for this sucker – The Rick Perry 2012 Presidential Victory PAC.  No, seriously, if you don’t believe me, look here:  Larose PAC for Rick Perry

So, Mr. Larose is either a nutjob, a crook, or a stealthily use cover to divert money to Rick Perry.  At this point I would not be willing to bet a dime on any of those choices.  We’ll keep an eye on it.

You should always have your morning coffee with Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen.  Yes, you should.

Y’all, there are so many of these popping up that it’s hard to keep count.  So if you find another one, let me know.

Today’s Rick Perry “Damn That’s Weird” website:  http://rickperryonestarscandal.com/ (Momma, don’t click that.  There’s an improperly dressed lady there, and by improper I don’t mean wearing white after Labor Day.)

Thanks to Old Mayfly for the heads-up.

As you know, Texas is on fire.

As you probably didn’t know, our wise and thoughtful Governor, Rick Perry, was prepared for this.

Most of the firefighters in Texas are volunteers.  There are 879 volunteer departments but only 114 paid departments and 187 departments that are a combination of both.  Texas is pretty damn big.

So, being as how the safety of its citizens is government’s first responsibility, Rick Perry decided to help volunteer firefighters in Texas.

State funding for volunteer fire departments is taking a big hit. It is going from $30 million to $7 million. Those departments are already facing financial strains. The State Firemen’s and Fire Marshals’ Association of Texas represents 21,000 state firefighters. The Association says more than 80 percent of volunteer firefighters are reporting taking a personal hit in the budget crisis. They have started using their own money to help pay for equipment and supplies.

So, you’re probably asking yourself, how is cutting funds to fire departments by 75% helpful to Texas?

Well, remember how Rick Perry’s hero Grover Norquist said he wanted to get government down to the size where we can drown it in the bathtub?  Rick is proudly doing his part to reduce Texas to ashes so we won’t need those costly volunteer fire departments.  Rick’s reducing the size of government  by fire instead of water.

First the Governor’s mansion, now the whole damn state.

The above photo was taken from Austin looking southeast to Bastrop County.  Click the little one to get the big one.  It was taken by Deanne Roy and she should get credit for this amazing photo.

On a serious note, I need your help.

I need you to sit down right now and put a dollar in an envelope and send it to my beloved friend Barbara who is the Democratic Party Chairman in Bastrop County, Texas.  If you want to send a check and get a tax deduction, make it  out to Bastrop County Ministerial Alliance (BCMA).

Several of Barbara’s good Democrats lost their homes.  At least one, if not more, Democratic precinct chairs lost everything.   One dollar says you care.  Please put a note with your dollar saying that you are a Democrat and you appreciate what she’s doing.

One damn dollar, people.  Dammit, I don’t ask you for much.  I don’t even have one of those damn tip jars on my website.  It’s a dollar for a Democrat.  I know you have a dollar.  If you have more than one dollar, send it.

Mail it to:

Barbara Nichols
1485 Watterson
Red Rock, TX 78662

Remember: if you have a little extra this month and want to get a tax deduction for it, make your check out to BCMA.  Barbara will get it there for you.

It’s just a damn dollar.  Do it.